Right now it feels like someone is using my gag reflex as a punching bag because, for whatever reason, Janice Dickson posted an almost full body nude of herself on her Twitpic. President Obama called it an act of terrorism and declared her an enemy of the United States. Silicone-seeking missiles are being sent to her house as we speak. NSFW photo here.

I tried to cover her up with Optimus Prime. It sort of worked.

Janice Dickinson: Does this turn you on?
World: No! Oh god, no!

Janice: How about this?
World: Please, stop.

On his show, Howard Stern asked Sly Stallone about his ex’s, Janice Dickinson, allegation that he injected her with steroids while sleeping. Sly’s reply?

“The only thing I injected her with was my fist.”

Ha! I always knew Janice Dickinson was a fan of fisting. She’s too annoying not too. What? Oh, he was actually joking about punching her? That works too, I guess. Leave it to Sly Stallone to inject humor into the serious epidemic of supermodel abuse. Come on. Who hasn’t fantasized about punching Janice Dickinson in the face or kicking her in the nuts? Amiright?

Some stills from his new flick opening today.

Janice Dickinson, a fame whore with her own reality show on the Oxygen network, appeared on Fox News’ Red Eye and accused Sylvester Stallone of injecting her with steroids in her sleep. Stallone’s rep denied this and called Janice desperate and a habitual liar. For example, back when she was engaged to Sly Stallone, she even lied about her first born claiming Sly was the father. Turns out a DNA test proved producer Michael Birnbaum was the actual father. Janice told Greg Gutfeld of Red Eye,

“He juiced me,” Dickinson said. “I’d wake up and my arm was as big as Popeye – steroids, testosterone, all that stuff that people say [mimicking Stallone voice], ‘Hey, it’s not that good ’cause you get really big, you know what I mean?’ “

That sounds amazing. I didn’t know steroids were magical elixirs capable of taking effect in mere hours without needing to exercise. Janice must be incredibly retarded. Although, I have no doubt Sylvester Stallone takes human growth hormones after he was busted for it last year. Have you seen the trailer for Rambo? He looks like a tank at 50-years-old. The last 50-year-old I saw was complaining about their knee every time it was about to rain, not ripping the throats out of people in Burma.

Self-proclaimed “World’s First Supermodel” Janice Dickinson is on some UK show called I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here. It features her and some other people in a jungle doing reality tv show things. Look, I’m too lazy to look it up to know what it’s really about. The point is Janice Dickinson got into an argument with Lynne Franks and threatened to steal her bed and eat her tits.

The blood-curdling vow was heard by a shocked J Brown after he made an everyday comment about beds.

He said: “We’ve got bed envy. Look at your two beds. They are really dry and comfortable.”

Janice said about Lynne: “I’m going to stab her in the middle of the night and take hers. You think I’m kidding? I’ll eat her tits. I’ll fry up those big old boobs.”

Pretending you’re a cannibalistic Jack the Ripper is a good way to freak anyone out and get what you want. This can be applied to everyday life. Your officemate got a raise while your salary still isn’t enough to feed a family of rats? Threaten to to cut off your boss’s testicles and eat them if you don’t get a bump in pay. Cable repair guy blowing you off? Threaten to rip out his small intestine by attaching a vacuum to his anus if he doesn’t come between the designated times of 12 p.m. and 6 p.m.. It’ll be so shocking that they’ll have to listen to you, right? What can go wrong?

Janice Dickinson was at a Vegas party trying to do her model walk at the edge of a pool, but ended up slipping and falling in. Riveting story, I know. I put it up to highlight how much of a dumbass this girl is. Who the hell is Janice Dickinson anyway. They say she’s the world’s first supermodel. She looks like someone took the hide off a cow, tanned it and slapped it on her face. Cool! 30 years of sun damage makes you a supermodel now. Those skin cancer patients finally have something to live for.

The world’s first supermodel (I’ve never heard of her until a few years ago) Janice Dickinson has been banned from all future LA Fashion Week Runway shows. Last night at Ed Hardy’s fashion show, Janice refused to sit in her assigned seat, ranting that it wasn’t close enough to the media. The seats she did choose to sit in were assigned to Fern Mallis, lead organizer of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week, and Davis Factor, co-creator of Smashbox Studio. Despite her adamant threats of not moving for anyone, she eventually did when she was reprimanded by David Factor. But wait, there’s more. TMZ says,

Dickinson wasn’t done causing trouble just yet though. She then trashed Ed Hardy clothing to reporters, saying “Those t-shirts are worth $5 … it only cost them $5 to make in China,” but added they may be worth money in twenty years. The model/trainwreck then caused a scene backstage when she stuck her foot in a giant tub of ice after claiming a model “broke her toe.”

Janice Dickinson has being an annoying ass down to a science. I pray for the day she gets a speeding ticket and starts bitching the cop out. I hope TMZ is there with a camera to catch the subsequent shooting of a barbed Taser into her chest and zooms in on her convulsing body as she stutters, “Y..y….you…pa…pan….pansy!”