The short version of this is Jeff “the midget-loving impresario behind Beacher’s Madhouse revue” Beacher accused Criss Angel of stealing his cat and now he’s suing to get it back. Beacher claims Criss has been leaving him voicemail messages such as “I took your cat. He lives with me now,” “The cat no longer likes you,” and “that cat and I have become close friends.”

Beacher’s lawyer, Robert Reynolds, wrote to Angel: “After both of Mr. Beacher’s parents passed away due to cancer [two years ago], his family’s cat (“Hamlet”) was bequeathed to him by will. At the time, Mr. Beacher was residing at the Hard Rock Hotel [in Las Vegas]. Accordingly, he allowed his friend Jennifer Madden to temporarily care for the cat until he moved out of the hotel.

Some other voicemail messages Criss left include: “Your cat looks pretty in rose red lipstick,” “I took your cat for a long walk on the beach. We enjoyed the sunset together,” “I just put peanutbutter on my penis. Let’s see if this works for cats too,” and “Your cat wants an abortion.”