Here’s some surprising news for you. Ex-porn star Jenna Jameson finally met a pole she couldn’t handle. A light pole. That she crashed into. Because she was drunk.

At around 1:30 am this morning, cops arrived on scene to find Jenna crashed into a light pole. After failing a field sobriety test, cops booked her on misdemeanor suspicion of DUI. Law enforcement officials say she suffered minor injuries but refused medical treatment. She’s since been released from custody.

Good thing the cops didn’t give her a breathalyzer or she’d have got away. I hear she’s an expert at blowing.

Tito Ortiz hit up his Miami hotel pool with his wife Jenna Jameson for some much needed r&r after being kneed into oblivion by Rashad Evans during his fight almost two weeks ago.

There’s nothing more satisfying after losing a fight than body slamming your girlfriend into the pool.

“Chelsea Handler makes fun of peoples kids… Probably because she’s a dried up old whore” — Jenna Jameson

Presumably in response to a Glamour interview where Chelsea said she didn’t like the word “raunchy” because it reminds her of Jenna Jameson. Regardless, um… pot, meet kettle.

Great. Just what we need. More whores on Broadway. Jenna Jameson, who looks like she has permanent lockjaw, is currently in the running to play the role of Venus strip club owner Justice in the Broadway production of Rock of Ages.

Jenna told Page Six, “I am in talks with the ‘Rock of Ages’ producers, and I’m praying I get the role. Broadway has always been a dream of mine ever since I was a little girl. I am really excited. I’m meeting with the producers [today], and I just hope I have enough talent to carry the role. We are talking about a run that would be anything from a month to three months, and it could start very soon.”

Right. Broadway was a dream for her ever since she was little. Porn must have been her backup plan like all the other Broadway hopefuls. Just like when people end up coaching high school football when they couldn’t make it in the NFL, the ones who’ve always dreamed of performing in a musical like Cats end up being filmed having all their holes pummeled by dicks.

A source from the show added that producers were surprised Jenna has a good voice. Actually, that is surprising because with the amount of penis Jenna has had down her throat, you would have figured her vocal cords would have been decimated by now.

Two weeks ago, Jenna Jameson accused Tito Ortiz of pushing her into a bathtub which left her with torn ligaments in her arm. Tito Ortiz then called a press conference to accuse Jenna of being a drug addict who’s been using Oxycontin.

A week later they said it was a big misunderstanding.

Today, they’re posing for the paparazzi as if nothing happened. Jenna’s arm isn’t even in a sling anymore. She must be Wolverine because I’ve never seen two torn ligaments heal that fast.

That or Jenna must have learned how to properly fake an injury from one of the best. By the way, has Tito healed from that “cracked skull” yet?

Jenna Jameson and one of her sons were rushed to the hospital last night at around midnight after he began projectile vomiting. Jenna must have played peek-a-boo with her kid. That’s the same reaction I have when Jenna turns around and faces me.

However, doctors have a different theory. They’re always so argumentative. They say her son Journey is most likely suffering from the stomach flu. They hydrated the kid and released him.

Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson have taken back their allegations that led to Tito being arrested for domestic violence. They say it’s “a big misunderstanding.”

Jenna, who accused Tito of injuring her during an argument, now tells TMZ, “What actually happened has now been dramatically distorted and misinterpreted and remarks that both Tito and I made after the police arrived reflect the state of shock that we were both in.” Translation — he didn’t hurt me.

As for Tito, we’re told he’s now backing off what he strongly insinuated … that Jenna is an OxyContin addict. We’re told Tito’s position now is that he found two OxyContin pills in a pair of her pants pocket and may have jumped to conclusions. Jenna says the pills were very old. And, as we first reported, Jenna tested negative for drugs this week.

Whew. I’m glad this harrowing tale of he said, she said has been put to rest. I didn’t know if my heart could take the big reveal of who the bigger liar was.

Drug tests for Jenna Jameson have come back clean disproving Tito Ortiz’s claim that Jenna is on OxyContin. Jenna tested negative for the ten major drugs they were screening for which included cocaine, weed, meth and oxycodone, the main ingredient in OxyContin. After the test, Jenna wiped the sweat from her brow and reiterated, “I am definitely not addicted to OxyContin or any drug.”

Jenna’s attorney said, “The lab tests clearly exonerate Jenna Jameson of any hint, iota, or suggestion that she ingested or was under the influence of any opiates or controlled substances. Statements made by anyone to the contrary are completely impeached by the results from this prestigious testing facility.”

Meanwhile, Tito and his attorney are sticking to his claim that she’s addicted to OxyContin claiming they have evidence and witnesses and that she made up the abuse to cover up her addiction. And if you don’t believe Tito, he’ll break your god damn face.

Jenna Jameson showed up yesterday with her arm in a brace from when Tito Ortiz allegedly threw her to the ground. Jenna called the cops and had Ortiz locked up. However, Ortiz made the $50,000 bail and was out in a few hours. You’d think Jenna, a victim of domestic violence from a damn UFC fighter, wouldn’t want the guy who abused her to return home so soon or ever for that matter. Well, you’d be wrong. She actually wants Tito back or at least that’s what it sounds like. According to Radar,

It’s not known where Tito will spend the night, because Jenna said “I’m in love with Tito, I hope he comes home soon, but he can’t.”

Oh, but wait. Here comes the surprise twist. Tito Ortiz and his attorney claim Jenna is addicted to OxyContin which is what led to the “incident”. In a news conference moments ago, Tito’s attorney claimed Jenna has had an addiction to the drug for over a year and that Tito and family were hiding it from everyone.

Chip Matthews, the attorney, said “Tito never touched Jenna” and that Jenna had relapsed. When Tito confronted her about it, Jenna was high and lost her balance. Matthews says Jenna’s addiction has led to multiple suicide calls to 911.

Meanwhile, Jenna was packing up to leave for Vegas with two friends during the news conference. When asked, she said Tito was “trying to save his career”. Jenna’s dad is currently taking care of the kids.

Jenna claims that during an argument Monday morning she, “said something very hurtful to his ego.” She alleges that Tito then grabbed her and, “threw me into the bathtub and tore two ligaments in my shoulder.”

Tito’s attorney Chip Matthews strongly denies that, saying … “He did not put his hands on her, he did not hit her, he did not do anything to her.”

Matthews claims Tito found pills in Jenna’s pants pocket — and that when Tito confronted her she had an “emotional meltdown.”

Jenna says Tito’s addiction allegation is, “completely false” and “the last nail in the coffin” for their relationship.

That part doesn’t jibe with what Jenna said earlier about wanting him back, but I guess that was before Tito called Jenna a drug addicted liar during a news conference.

There’s a statistic somewhere that said pornstars are very likely to turn to drugs. Probably to deal with the fact that they’re being holed out by guys on video 24/7. Maybe I was thinking about this? Anyway, it’s very likely that Jenna is on drugs and just made up the whole domestic abuse things to hide that fact. Then again, Tito has been accused of this before. Who knows who’s telling the truth. Maybe they’re both lying whores.

[Splash News]

TMZ caught up with Jenna Jameson after police arrested Tito Ortiz, who can currently be seen coaching opposite Chuck Liddell on the new season of The Ultimate Fighter, for domestic violence. She assures everyone that she’s okay, but will be pressing charges. A photo posted on TMZ showed Jenna leaving a CVS wearing an arm brace.

Speaking with UFC president Dana White, Tito Ortiz could be cut from the organization if the charges stick. White said, “We’re gonna be fair, but we could cut him. Other than going on a killing spree, being accused of domestic violence is the worst thing you can have going for you.”

Maybe Tito has a good excuse. Maybe he was joking around with Jenna and asked if she wanted a Hertz Donut and she said, “okay”, and then he punched her really hard in the arm and chortled, “hurts! don’t it?” but because Jenna is 80 pounds of skin and bones, she flew across the room and almost broke her arm.

Tito Ortiz hasn’t won a fight since 2006 where he took out Ken Shamrock with ease, but his luck may have changed because he might have emerged victorious after punching his wife Jenna Jameson.

Early this morning, Ortiz was arrested at his home for domestic violence and taken to Huntington Beach jail in the OC. TMZ says Jenna had “visible injuries.”

As Horatio Caine would say, “This is one blow… [puts on sunglasses]… that didn’t end with a job.” Yeeeeeeeah!

There are three things you should note about these photos of Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz. 1) Tito still looks like an ape. He even tries to mount Jenna like one. 2) Semen isn’t as age-defying a lotion as some people are led believe, but your girlfriend doesn’t have to know. 3) Years of abuse have not caused Jenna Jameson’s uterus to fall out and that’s really impressive.

On her MySpace blog, Jenna Jameson attributes her easy birth to the 500 daily sit ups she did. She was only in labor for 2 hours and according to the former pornstar, “I wa able to push my 5 pound Jesse out in 5 pushes. Journey who was 4lb 11oz was out in 3 pushes.”

Allow me to state the obvious. It wasn’t the 500 sit ups that gave her an easy labor, it was the 2,000 penises she had in her throughout her career. The Grand Canyon probably takes it’s kids to visit Jenna Jameson’s vagina every year.

Five pushes and then three? With that much force, it’s a miracle Jesse and Journey didn’t launch out of her uterus and into the wall like a pair of darts.