You know how fatties say people like the old Jennifer Hudson are “healthy” and they never think about losing weight because “this is how real women look?” Well, they’re all liars because everyone wants to be thinner and the only reason they say that is because they’re lazy and don’t want to get off their fat asses to run on a treadmill. I mean, Jennifer Hudson was pregnant and no one even knew.

In related news, Hudson became the spokesperson for Weight Watchers and lost a bunch of weight after giving birth. She’s a size 6 now. So, in your face, fatties.

For months, no one knew whether or not Jennifer Hudson was pregnant. It was hard to tell because she was a little on the heavy side and started wearing loose fitting tops. People were also afraid of being beat down by a fat chick for asking when the baby was due. Anyway, it turns out she is/was pregnant. Hudson gave birth late Monday to David Daniel Otunga Jr. “The baby is beautiful and perfect,” Hudson rep Lisa Kasteler said in a statement. “His parents are ecstatic.”

This is one of the reasons I don’t have sex with fat people. They’re too good at hiding things like guns in their folds or pregnancies. One day you’re enjoying a nice buffet and the next you’re slapped with a paternity suit. You don’t even have a chance to skip town leaving her only a note saying “it’s your problem now.”

[Image: Splash News]

William Balfour, the prime suspect in the Hudson slayings, will remain in prison while police continue their investigation. Not only that, Balfour’s current girlfriend “told police that he told her he had been involved in the killings of Donerson and Hudson.” According to the Chicago Tribune:

Balfour acknowledged being at the Hudson’s Englewood home on the morning that the actress’ mother, Darnell Donerson, and her brother, Jason Hudson, were gunned down inside the house, law enforcement sources said. Julia Hudson’s son, Julian, was abducted from the home and his body discovered three days later, shot twice in the head and slumped in the back of Jason Hudson’s Chevy Suburban on a West Side street.

The Illinois Prisoner Review Board also found Balfour to be in violation of his parole from a July 19 drug arrest.

In related news, last week Julia Hudson, Balfour’s wife/ex-wife? and Jennifer Hudson’s sister, posted a picture on her MySpace with the caption, “Now that Jason’s gone I’m the prettiest one,” two weeks after Jason’s murder. Looks like it’s Julia – 1, Jason – 0. Watcha gonna do, Jason? Oh. Right.

Chicago PD has confirmed that the body of the slain 7-year-old found does belong to Julian King. Surveillance tapes from around the neighborhood are being reviewed and a timeline is being established. There is still confusion over when the SUV with Julian’s body showed up in the neighborhood. Police say William Balfour is a person of interest but many believe he is still the prime suspect.

An autopsy was scheduled to be done on the body of 7-year-old Julian King Tuesday at the Cook County medical examiner’s office, where Hudson and other relatives went to help identify the remains this afternoon.

A law enforcement source told the Tribune that the boy had been shot multiple times in the back of the white Chevrolet Suburban. The vehicle had been the subject of an intense search and Amber Alert issued on Friday after Hudson’s mother and brother were found shot and killed inside the family’s South Side home.

Is it too early to recommend punishments for the killer? The city should hold a contest for that. The most creative and painful wins. I vote for having his pee hole filled with cement. Any other suggestions?

Last week, Jennifer Hudson’s mother and brother were found fatally shot in a Southside home. Hudson’s nephew,Julian King, was also missing. An APB was put out for the 7-year-old and over the weekend Jennifer offered a $100,000 reward for his return. A suspect by the name of William Balfour was also taken into custody but remained uncooperative.

This morning, a body of a child matching the description of 7-year-old Julian was found inside a 1994 white Chevy Suburban with license plates matching the murdered brother Jason Hudson.

Reports are filtering in that American Idol vet and Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson’s mother and an unidentified male were found fatally shot in a South Side home this afternoon. A representative of the family’s church confirms one of the victims was Darnell Hudson.

Update: The other victim is thought to be Jennifer’s brother Jason, the shooting is suspected as domestic and the bodies were discovered by a cousin.

Update #2: An APB is out for 7-year-old Julian King, Hudson’s nephew. A suspect named William Balfour is in custody, but refuses to cooperate.

Jennifer Hudson was set to perform at the Starbucks annual shareholder meeting in Seattle before she was dropped due to her lengthy demands. Included in the wish list were five town cars for her, the hair and make-up artists, security and the assistants. Jennifer’s agent also wanted a humidifier backstage. But what sealed her fate was when they told Starbucks Hudson would need baked chicken wings at 10 a.m. Jennifer has since stated she was unaware of the demands.

Don’t believe for one second Hudson didn’t know about the baked chicken wings at 10 a.m. That was the first thing on the list. Her William Morris agent was probably embarrassed asking for it so they put it last. Honestly though, does Jennifer really need this? If you combined everything in her stomach right now, you’d end up with a winged cow pig thing. Geez, I think i just described Jennifer Hudson.

Simon Cowell, along with the rest of the nation, believes American Idol helped Jennifer Hudson win an Oscar. Consequently, Simon is ticked off that she didn’t credit the reality show. Jennifer responded by saying,

“If I’d been any better at my job when I was at Burger King in my middle teens I wouldn’t be here either, so should I thank them too?”

Burger King, however, says no thanks are necessary and in return, have given her a lifetime pre-paid card to use to her heart’s content.

In response to Jennifer’s recent comments in which she asked if she should be thanking Burger King, we say thanks, but no thanks are necessary. Burger King Corporation is proud of Jennifer’s success and while we never like to lose employees, in this case, our loss is the entertainment industry’s gain … To further show our support for Jennifer, and make sure she never has to sing for her supper again, Burger King Corporation is giving her a pre-paid BK Crown Card that will be automatically reloaded for life.

Did…did you hear that? It sounded like “Squeeeeeeeeeeeee!” Really though, she should shut up and properly thank Idol before her ego swells to the size of her appetite.

Jennifer Hudson has spoken out about American Idol. She describes her experience on the show as abusive. According to Hudson, the show abuses, brainwashes and misleads you to believe whatever they want you to think.

“You become a character – I became the girl in the turkey wrapping.” (On one episode, she wore an unflattering outfit that earned that label.) “I just knew I had to sing my way out of it. I don’t believe in looking back, and I didn’t look back.”

Are we talking about the same show here? The one that’s been going on for six seasons? The one that helped this turkey wrapped sausage or whatever win a Golden Globe and SAG award? The only reason this same deli sandwich was chosen for Dreamgirls and got her nominated for an Oscar? This is rich. I know the first thing I would do after winning the lottery is call the state a bunch of thieving bastards. That’s after I deposit my winnings in an off-shore banking account. Possibly in Jamaica.

This girl should be kissing Simon’s feet and buying Paula bottles of Patron to put in her cup. If it wasn’t for the show, she’d be singing at the local fair and contemplating when she should use her free coupon to Jenny Craig. And you know why the state fair? They have pie eating contests.