Have you been waiting for new photos of Jennifer Lopez in a swimsuit? If you responded with an emphatic, “meh,” then you’re in luck because look what I have for you and your indifference. The aforementioned Jennifer Lopez swimsuit pictures. Behold!

Speaking of Jennifer Lopez, Celebitchy transcribed a portion of her Matt Lauer interview that was pretty laughable. Talking about her kids,

Lauer: They’re privileged. Does that worry you at all?
Lopez: I think about it. I loved my upbringing. I’ve tried to give them the same thing, just in a bigger house. The same family, they grew up around their cousins and their aunts, just like I did. The same foods, they eat the same foods I did when I was growing up. You know, I try to just keep what was so good about growing up Puerto Rican in the Bronx, lower middle class family. The same things, the same values that were important to my mom and my dad and what I’ve learned from that upbringing I’ve tried to bring to them.

As Celebitchy notes, her spread in PEOPLE featured a $3,000 stroller and she also showed off their nautical themed nursery with chandeliers. The only way those kids will ever be exposed to lower middle class family values is when she takes them to the homeless shelter to laugh at all the poor people.

Jennifer Lopez started getting embarrassed having to pull out her own credit card to pay for dinner every time she went out with her boytoy Casper Smart. Paying is a man’s job. But J.Lo isn’t about to eat at a McDonald’s no matter how fancy they remodeled it so she did the next logical thing and gave Casper a $10,000 per week allowance.

“Jen doesn’t want to go over the top, showering Casper with too much, but she also wants him to up his game,” the source continues. “Jen is hoping Casper won’t think twice about buying presents for her kids or whisking her off for a surprise weekend getaway.” Hollywood Life

So Jennifer Lopez is giving Casper Smart an allowance so he can splurge on her and plan vacations for her. She should just hire an assistant to bang. It’d be much cheaper and she probably won’t have to pretend to be impressed by the demo reel they force her to watch.

J.Lo’s new boy toy/man servant Casper Smart now has a fancy new car to chauffeur Lopez in. Sources say when he’s done driving Jennifer around town, he gets it for personal use. Like, say, to get her tampons from the store.

Casper Smart and Nick Cannon should get together and talk about how to hold umbrellas. Nick likes to hold it right side up but Casper likes to hold it sideways all gangster like. He’s very street. Classic case of old school meets new school.

If you never wanted to buy a Fiat before after watching J.Lo scoot around in one, you’ll really not want to now.

We already knew Jenny From the Block never want back to the Block to film her Fiat commercial. Her scenes were shot in LA instead of the Bronx like the commercial implies. A body double was used for the New York scenes. “This is my world. This place inspires me,” says Lopez in the ad. “They may be just streets to you, but to me they’re a playground.” Turns out her real playground is actually a green screen.

Now Lopez’s commercial is drawing more ire. This time from a group of graffiti artists known as the TATS Cru who says Fiat used their “I love the Bronx” mural without permission. Wilfredo Feliciano, a member of the group, says, “Everyone started congratulating us on the commercial and we’re like, what commercial?” They have since contacted a lawyer.

A spokesman for Fiat says they’re looking into whether they appropriately secured the image which is legal speak for “aw, sh*t, how much do these guys want?”

Someone better talk to Jennifer Lopez’s new boyfriend Casper Smart, who she was grinding on and kissing at an AMAs after-party, because a source tells Us Weekly that Jennifer hooked up with Marc Anthony while filming their talent competition Q’Viva! The Chosen in Puerto Rico on November 8 and may very well hook-up with him again in December.

Marc was seen picking up Jennifer at the airport and “Marc never stayed in his hotel room.” A friend says about the hook-ups, “It’s inevitable. March has this hold over her.” But another friend says, “They may sleep together, but they’re over!”

I’d like to think I have a hold over women too but I think that may just be the handcuffs.

Jennifer Lopez began crying after singing a song about past lovers during her concert Sunday night. She told the crowd she would sing them the last song she wrote about love.

Lopez, 42, then launched into “Until It Beats No More” while dancers re-enacted scenes with the singer and some of the men from her past. A Lopez lookalike danced with guys who looked a lot like her exes Diddy, Cris Judd and Ben Affleck.

The final couple to appear in the spotlight danced much like Lopez and her estranged husband during their American Idol performance in May, just weeks before they announced their split.

After she was done, Lopez told the sold-out crowd, “I took a trip down memory lane” – and then started to cry as the crowd applauded. PEOPLE

Ugh. If I had to sit through this, my jaw would be dislocated from yawning so hard. This is so sappy it belongs on a Hallmark card. Any guy in the audience would have sprouted a vagina right then and there.

Sidenote: That guy’s expression in the header pic…

Bradley Cooper and a woman believed to be Jennifer Lopez were spotted out on a date Saturday night. Previously, the two were seen dining together at Per Se in what was later deemed a “business meeting.”

“After their date in New York, Bradley and Jennifer stayed in touch,” says a source close to Lopez.

The source also says: “She does like his attention, and it makes her feel good that he seems so into her. She has a fun time with Bradley and he makes her laugh.”

Adds another source: “She likes him.” PEOPLE

Whichever rep set up this date for Jennifer Lopez is a genius. Bradley Cooper is a step up from Marc Anthony. Cooper’s redeeming qualities include being attractive, a rising actor and speaking fluent French. Marc Anthony’s redeeming quality includes not turning into a goblin at night.

According to Huffpost Celebrity, Bradley Cooper was duped into a “business dinner” with Jennifer Lopez and was shocked when the private dinner leaked to the press. Jennifer Lopez, however, wasn’t. That’s because she’s a conniving attention whore. Huffpo says she’s done this before with Ralph Fiennes.

In 2002, Lopez had a casual dinner with Fiennes, around the time they were filming “Maid in Manhattan” together, only to find pictures from their joint meal splashed all over the New York Post saying ‘deny this.’ Fiennes later went on to say, “I had dinner with her and her producer and her manager who’s in the background of the shot as well. That didn’t upset me because it was just so not true and so badly set up.”

A source backs up the claims explaining Per Se, the restaurant they dined at, isn’t known for having celebrity gawkers.

“It was a business dinner that’s all,” a media insider tells me of Cooper and Lopez’s “romantic” evening. “They went to Per Se, which is an amazing low key restaurant in New York and the next thing you know it’s in the papers. No one who eats in that restaurant is calling in tips to gossip sites. Most of the people that go there are so rich they wouldn’t couldn’t care less about actors. They are more impressed by business players than Hollywood types.”

Did Jennifer Lopez really set this dinner up for publicity? Uh, do humans breathe air? Jennifer Lopez would break her own ankles if it meant more media coverage.

Both Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lopez are single so why not help each other out career-wise? That sounded like the plan as the two were spotted at Per Se in NYC having a “romantic” dinner.

Located in Columbus Circle, the acclaimed restaurant is just the spot for a quiet but luxurious tete-a-tete. “People come here for privacy,” the host added.

“They were here for a while,” another staffer at Columbus Circle noted. — Us

However, a different source tells PEOPLE that the dinner was strictly business. What business could they have together? The source explains they were “in discussions regarding a project.” Then the source made a hole with one hand and furiously thrust his index finger in and out of it.

Jennifer Lopez headed back to the set of the music video she was filming but the wind made it hard to keep the Spanx she was wearing hidden. Figures she needs something to shape her body. Without Spanx, her ass would look like a piece of un-kneeded dough. It’d probably keep jiggling for 5 minutes after she stopped moving.

In least surprising news of the day, Jennifer Lopez is still acting like a diva. On the set of What to Expect When You’re Expecting, sources tell Gatecrasher J.Lo wouldn’t talk to anyone directly. Instead, any conversation would have to be “through her handler.”

Which is just as well. I’m pretty sure any one-on-one conversation with Jennifer Lopez would be so frustrating and annoying that it’ll always end with her being punched in the ovaries five minutes in.

I completely forgot Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony had twins. Maybe their magazine cover shoot wasn’t grandiose enough. I don’t know. Regardless, Lopez is seeking full custody of 3-year-old twins Max and Emme. Why? Beats me. The cynic would say maybe J.Lo just wants to start a bitter custody battle to get her name in the press.

“They are always with their mom,” a source tells Us Weekly (via Holly Baby). “Jennifer lights up around her kids. She’s incredible, balancing work and being a good mom.”

Said by Marc Anthony in a completely monotone sarcastic voice, “Oh. No. Please. Not the babies. Anything but the babies.” *Yawns* *Scratches crotch* *Turns on ESPN*

Jennifer Lopez covers the latest Vanity Fair where she talks about her divorce. She seems to imply it was mostly Marc Anthony’s fault. Naturally. She would support him but when her career started again, things got difficult.

“We try, we try,” she said when asked about balancing their work life, their children and their marriage. “[But] it’s getting increasingly harder. When we were [first] married, most of the time, and even before the babies were born, we were able to go everywhere together. I wasn’t working as much. So we kind of had that. I went on tour with him a few times in the first few years of our marriage, and we did a film [El Cantante] together. It’s hard, and we’re figuring it out. It’s tough. And… everything is ramping up in a way. Like I said, we had the first three years of our marriage just for us. I wasn’t working, it was mainly about him. Then we got pregnant. Then it became about the kids. And then I started working again.”

Lopez also said, “I think I’m a really great performer. I think I’m a really great actress. I feel confident in those things—that’s a better way to say it. I’m not as gifted a vocalist as some of the girls that are out there, but I know I communicate.” Must. Stifle. Laughter.

I wish there was someone celebrities would listen to who will tell them straight to their face that they’re mediocre at everything. Not that that’s a bad thing but don’t expect to be winning any Oscars or Grammys any time soon. Sometimes famous people need a reality check before they release the next Stars Are Blind or Popo Zao. It’s like their mom and dad never told them they were good for nothin’ losers. That’s just poor parenting.