Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O’Connell are the proud parents of twin daughters Dolly Rebecca Rose and Charlie Tamara Tulip. The two were born Dec. 28.

Having their birthday so close to Christmas could be bad. Depending on whether or not they celebrate it, Rebecca and Jerry might decide to combine the two events and give them one present. This is made worse by them being twins. It may mean even more combining! Now they have to fight over who gets to play with their Christmas/birthday present. As they mature, they will eventually hate their parents for doing this to them.

In related news, I’m no longer allowed in the maternity ward. Apparently, a new baby is supposed to be a “joyous” occasion. Yea, well, tell that to the kid over there whose mother just snuck out of the hospital. I’m sure he’ll be real happy locked underneath the staircase of his adoptive parents’ house.

Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O’Connell are expecting twins. Both babies will be girls a source tells PEOPLE. A week ago O’Connell told PEOPLE that they were trying to get pregnant.

“It would be amazing if it happened,” he said, adding that practicing has been “a lot of fun.”

If I was banging Rebecca Romijn, trying for a baby would be too much added pressure for me. Mainly because she’s really hot and every time we’d do it, I’d probably pull out and finish on her face and each time, I’ll have to apologize profusely through choked sobs. It’d be pretty frustrating. “Sigh, looks like we’ll have to do it again,” I’ll sadly mutter.

Jerry O’Connell parodied Tom Cruise’s Scientology video for Funny or Die. The results were pretty amazing with a nearly spot on impersonation of Tom’s sinister laugh. Although, one has to wonder. What are the odds Jerry will be found dead and naked in a sewer? Where can I place bets?

In other news, famed internet group “Anonymous” has declared war on Scientology according to this press release.

Anonymous’ members cited several reasons for their actions against the Church of Scientology: many have stressed the alleged human rights violations under the auspices of the Church.[1] Others accused the Church of fraud due to its costly ceremonies, while some merely sought the entertainment they refer to as “lulz,” a corruption of the Internet slang “LOL,” or “laugh out loud.”

Who are anonymous?

Anonymous is a collective composed of many Internet users, combined under one name. The group gained fame through popular image-boards and accrued influence both on the Internet and the real world. They have launched offensives against a wide variety of targets, including the social website Habbo Hotel and various White Supremacy entities. Anonymous played a major role in the capture of Canadian pedophile Chris Forcand.

Sorry, Anonymous. No one escapes the long arm of Tom Cruise. He’s an evil mastermind and his reach goes far beyond those of mortal men. All hail Tom Cruise.

Jerry O’Connell, husband to Rebecca Romijn, realizes fate dealt him a pretty good hand which is why he tells USA Today he wants to have as many children as possible with Rebecca. Presumably to tie down the transgendered Ugly Betty guest star into a loveless marriage.

“We’re definitely working at it,” O’Connell says. “It’s never as easy as everybody thinks. It just isn’t. When you’re married to Rebecca, you should try to have as many children as possible,” he adds. “And I want to do that before she figures out that she could do a lot better than me.”

The question then becomes: If Rebecca Romijn brings beauty and, er, more beauty to the table, what does Jerry bring? A sense of humor? A full head of hair? Brains? Another quality that will be of little importance if the baby is a girl? I suppose she needs his sperm, but other than that, I don’t see Jerry contributing too much to this relationship. Sorry, Jerry. It seems your usefulness stops at opening the random jar and checking that weird noise downstairs which, for some reason, sounds like an un-medicated ex-con with a machete, a rope and a penchant for torture.

Jerry O’Connell and Rebecca Romijn’s one month anniversary took place on August 14, but he forgot about it. That’s why he changed all his security codes to the anniversary date so he would remember next time. The brilliant idea lasted for about 2 minutes. Jerry told Star,

“I changed all my bank and security codes to my anniversary,” he said. After realizing that he’d revealed too much, Jerry added, “Now I have to change them back.”

Darn. I was looking forward to siphoning those 5 dollars from his bank account. The last big thing I remember him in was Sliders and it sucked. Yet, he’s married to Rebecca Romijn and I’m stuck here reading medical journals on face transplants. Oh, lookie here. It says he doesn’t even have to be unconscious to operate. Saves me some money on that baseball bat I was going to buy.

Jerry O’Connell and Rebbecca Romijn are set to marry very soon. They are aiming for a small and quiet wedding this holiday season because that’s all the rage especially when they tell everyone about it. Jerry goes on to say how much of a nancy he is:

I just get very nervous and I don’t know exactly what to wear and I just want everything to be right!

Here’s a honeymoon tip for that stud Jerry. It’s called a condom and the brand doesn’t matter. You want to unwrap it, stretch it out a little and then pull it over your head until you pass out. Yes, that’s how a condom works. It says so right on the wrapper, “Prevents unwanted pregnancies.”