I wasn’t sure how to spell his last name, so there you go. Anyway, previous reports indicated that Heroes stars Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia (yes! got it.) were dating. There is no empirical evidence, but if they are, they’re probably not anymore. Radar Online reports that Hayden was “ALL OVER” (yikes, caps, must mean it’s really shocking) 21-year-old Jesse McCartney. RO writes:

And when we say ALL OVER [ed. note: again with the caps. what are you, 12?], that’s exactly what we mean. She was holding him tighter than Michael Phelps gripping that bong. The Heroes star was sitting on Jesse’s lap while he kissed her neck. Then she got up and did some crazy sexy dance in his lap.

Neck kissing? Sexy dances? Egads. Sounds like the devil was in Jesse’s pants. I hope they used protection. My mom says lap sitting leads to babies and babies are how God punishes the sinners.

I sort of passed out for 8 hours. I doubt a whole lot of people are reading this because they’re probably in a food coma, but here’s some other news.

David Blaine completed his latest stunt and didn’t almost die. Well, kind of. He was shackled in a gyroscope 50 feet above Times Square and was given 16 hours to escape. It only took him a few minutes before he escaped, jumped and crashed through the plywood stage. He was able to walk, but appeared woozy and was taken away in a taxi.

Jesse McCartney and girlfriend Katie Cassidy hit up Privledge in L.A. where they partied drinking Grey Goose and Cristal. When he saw his bill was $2,500 he yelled “Holy shit!” Brody Jenner quipped “Welcome to the adult world. That’s what it costs to have fun with the big boys!” Big boys meaning unemployed kids who live off their rich parents’ money.

Jay-Z left Beyonce sitting alone in the car while he partied at Area nightclub. 40 minutes later he came back and joined his girlfriend. Chivalry thy name is Jay-Z.