Jewel hit up Miami Beach and, um, I suppose I could masturbate to these. Anything is possible, I guess.

Jewel, the original snaggletooth, posted a picture of herself on a yacht to Twitter last week. Apart from looking like she inherited teeth from Kirsten Dunst, she didn’t look too bad. If you were a dentist, you could console yourself with that fact as you’re staring into her mouth petrified with fear.

Holly Madison is set to replace Jewel on Dancing With The Stars. Jewel recently wrote that her jacked up knee could force her off the show.

“She’s wanted to do it for so long,” Marquardt added. “It just never worked with her schedule and Hef was always like ‘I don’t want you to do that,’ and now it’s her time, so I’m really happy for her.”

I don’t watch this show because I have self-respect, but good for Holly. She’ll have an easy time slipping a nipple here. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, people love to see nipple. Like this one time when I bought a hot dog, I pulled down my t-shirt and rubbed my nipple real seductively and the guy gave me the hot dog for free. In fact, he was so turned on, he ran away screaming.

Jewel showed up at the Country Music Association Awards looking like this. Apart from the usual snaggle tooth, her breasts have either shrunk or that dress was built for someone more bountiful, say… Jessica Simpson. They look like two smooshed pieces of dough. Like you went to Baskin Robbins and got two scoops of boob. I’m officially freaked out. Not as freaked out as the time my roommate sleepwalked into my room and cuddled with me, but freaked out nonetheless. I’ve included old pictures of Jewel for comparison.