Stop the presses. Have I got shocking news for you. A celebrity’s daughter received preferential treatment on a reality show. News at 7! Also, you may be surprised to find out the sky is blue.

As you may or may not have heard, Jim Carrey’s daughter, Jane, auditioned for American Idol and managed to get a golden ticket. Though her American Idol experience was vastly different than that of her peers. Mostly because she never had to wait in line like those other schmucks.

“She didn’t have to sleep outside and wait for hours hoping to audition like everyone else,” a source exclusively told RadarOnline.com. “She basically had an appointment and showed up!”

The source said they doubted if the judges knew about the special treatment Jane was given, but the show gave her the VIP service.

“Her audition was pre-arranged with the producers. She did not wait and line up for hours or days outside – she had a time, she showed up and went in,” the source said. Radar Online

If I were Jane, I’d name drop my dad, Jim Carrey, too. Only suckers wait in line. Which is exactly what I tell people when I cut in front of them at Starbucks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=1iT0U4Z2iv0

Jim Carrey finally explained what that whole “I wanna bang Emma Stone” video was about. It was promo for his website JimCarreyTruLife. Apparently it worked because there was so much traffic that the site crashed.

Yes, my msg to Emma Stone was a comedy routine and the funniest part is that everything i said is tru. www.jimcarreytrulife.com — Twitter

People often ask me if i’m being funny or serious. The answer is “YES”. ?;^] — Twitter

Jim is playing this asking Emma Stone out thing very forward, yet cautious. He doesn’t want to sound like a pervy old man but, you know, if somehow Emma Stone finds this endearing, he wouldn’t mind taking a stab at that.

Jim Carrey put his putty face to his webcam and professed his undying love to the up-and-coming Emma Stone in this comedy bit. This is a comedy bit, right? He’s 49, she’s 22. This will never work out.

Granted, you get the feeling age doesn’t mean a thing to Jim by the way he acts. It seems he’d have no reservations about chloroforming her into his van or wearing the young Taylor Lautner’s face as a skin-mask to meet her.

Jim Carrey debuted his new mohawk on Twitter a few days ago but he said his haircut was more indicative of a paintbrush. At least that’s what I gather from his caption that read “I am a paintbrush.”

In any case, he’s really captured the tortured artist look with the new hair and emo glasses. That’s what he was going for, right? Or was he actually trying to look like a paintbrush. Because that would work too.

Jim Carrey hosted SNL last Saturday where he parodied Black Swan. He put on a tutu, tattooed buffalo wings on his back and shimmied back and forth. He also looked absolutely terrifying in Black Swan makeup. But he was just as sensual and graceful as Mila Kunis. I’d hit it. With a bat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk0TRXm_mR0

Jim Carrey having anal sex with a mustached man and getting sucked off by Ewan McGregor in the gay caper movie I Love You Phillip Morris just screams “Oscar!” That or it screams “we can’t release this stateside because the guy you’re having sex with is screaming for you to cum in his butt.” Also, “not enough funny, putty-faced impressions.”

The film premiered at Sundance last year to rave reviews and was set to be released in February. The release has been pushed back several times and may not even be released until after this year. Partly due to the “graphic gay sex scene” and partly due to all the members of the MPAA simultaneously putting their hands to their head and fainting.

Watch the NSFW-ish video here.

After breaking up with Jenny McCarthy, Jim Carrey has gone crazy. He went on a weird Twitter rant.

- RT Breaking News!Jim Carrey’s ambassador to the world,is dead!He is survived by me,the actual Jim Carrey,who has opinions about stuff.—>

- …I am grateful for my avatar’s many yrs of dedicated service, but nowone has ever won the Tour De France while peddling. —->

- …so I killed him,I do not plan 2 bow to expectations or to be confined by the fear of losing altitude in the ‘statusphere’! (my word)—->

- …I have freed Truman,at long last!I am now free 2 be my whole self,which includes a somewhat contemplative nature,a yen 4 sociology—>

- ..and a joyfully disarming(with a hacksaw if necessary)sense of humor.I promise 2 reflect all that I’m seeing,hearing,feeling,sensing—>

- …and being fed by the media.I was almost out of Tiger untill E.T Supersized me!But I will wear cool shades and get my lips injected! p^m

- word missing earlier. ‘Nowone has ever won the Tour De France by ‘back’ peddling. GET IT?! IT IS BETTER WITH THAT! HA HA! Sleeeeep! |^•zzz

- Some folks out there are worried that I stay up too late but their fundamental mistake is in assuming that I haven’t moved to Fiji! |^•snore

- @The_Ironist RT This is no breakdown! It’s a breakthrough! And if you’ll just loosen these straps, I’ll show you the difference! %^•

You’ll have to remember. This is Jim Carrey we’re talking about. 100% he’s this annoying in real life.  He’s probably just bored and hasn’t met his quota of crazy for the day. The only reason Jenny McCarthy tolerated him for so long was because she was equally if not more crazy.

Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey both announced via their Twitter that they broke up. Jim wrote: “Jenny and I have just ended our 5yr relationship. I’m grateful 4 the many blessings we’ve shared and I wish her the very best! S’okay! ?;^>”

Jenny wrote: “Im so grateful for the years Jim and I had together. I will stay committed to Jane (Ed note: Jane is Jim’s daughter) and will always keep Jim as a leading man in my heart.”

It’s nice to see a 5 year relationship end peacefully on Twitter. Much better than dealing with people face to face. Especially when you have an unplanned pregnancy. It makes moving and changing your name much easier.

[Bauer-Griffin]

Jenny McCarthy doesn’t look too shabby for 36. Jim Carrey, however, looks like his face is melting. All those years of making funny expressions have taken its toll. He’s molded it in such crazy ways that it no longer knows its original form. I don’t want this happening to me. That’s why I have decided to remain expressionless for the rest of my life. Which should make sex very awkward and serial killer-y. But on the bright side, no wrinkles!

Here’s Jim Carrey and Zooey Deschanel at the premiere of Yes Man which is basically an updated version of Liar, Liar. Zooey’s looking great. Much prettier than her sister. That’s something you don’t want to say to her face by the way. My bruised gonads can attest to that. Also, if you do decide say it to her face, make sure you say it to Zooey, not Emily. You also might not want to follow it up with, “I want to F you so bad.”

You know how that guy who’s known for being funny, but hasn’t done anything funny in years, one day tries to do something funny again and he gets a little chuckle out of everyone with an impromptu gag, but then runs with it for too long making it not funny anymore and actually kind of pathetic? No? Okay. Well, anyway. Jim Carrey and his girlfriend Jenny McCarthy were at the beach over the July 4th weekend.

Two years ago, Jenny McCarthy’s son, Evan, was diagnosed with autism. Things were difficult until she found Jim Carrey. She says Evan really took to Jim and she has even begun to call him the Autism Whisperer.

“He’s actually helped Evan get past some obstacles I couldn’t. I sometimes call him the autism whisperer. He speaks a language Evan understands, and Evan feels safe with him.”

I don’t know why they’re making a big deal out of working with autistic people. I’m pretty good at it if I do say so myself. I once dated a hot autistic girl. I had no problems whatsoever. I even slept with her that night. I love autistics. Wait, autistic means slut, right?

Jim Carrey filmed a PSA for the US Campaign for Burma calling for the release of Nobel prize winning Aung San Suu Kyi who has been confined for the last 11 years. I think he would have been better off doing the PSA as fire marshall Bill. That would have been cool because I can’t take Jim Carrey seriously. It’s like walking by a bum and not stealing his change cup. It’s yin and yang, baby.