Like me, you most likely woke up this morning praying to the gods that this would be the day a sex tape from rock legend Jimi Hendrix would be released. While that didn’t happen, you’ll be happy to know that that day is almost here. Vivid is planning to release a Jimi Hendrix sex tape on May 6. The video, shot in a hotel room in 1968, features Hendrix in “an erotic liaison with two slender brunettes.” The 8mm tape was acquired after a rock n’ roll memorabilia collector found it in a box and sold it. There is no audio which is ironic because this is Jimi Hendrix, but Vivid writes:

“This new movie shows that Jimi Hendrix could have been as great a porn star as he was a rock star. He could clearly play more than just his guitar,” said Vivid co-chairman Steven Hirsch. “It’s easy to see that he turned women on with his music and his passion.”

Des Barres says in her commentary: “Hendrix liked to be filmed having sex. He’s the ultimate adult film movie star. I understand why everyone wanted to sleep with the guy. He played like an all-encompassing rock orgasm. He reeked of sex. You wanted to strip to keep up with him when he played ‘Foxy Lady.’ [...] The footage proves that Hendrix was fabulous in bed and really wanted to please his partner.”

Plaster Caster has authenticated the tape by way of penis recognition.

Plaster Caster is famous for creating plaster molds of the penises of rock stars, including Hendrix. “No doubt about it,” she says in the commentary. “That’s Jimi Hendrix’ dick and I should know.” She goes on to explain how she was invited to Hendrix’ hotel room on February 25, 1968, where she made a plaster mold of his penis.

TMZ has a clip of the Vivid video and holy crap, Jimi Hendrix’s penis is amazing. It’s beaming this incredible white light like a celestial entity. No wonder women wanted him. If I had a schlong like that, even nuns would be asking me to stab them in the mouth with my divine sword.