A really thin Joaquin Phoenix was spotted out in LA today puffing on a cigarette. The weight loss is probably for his role as an alcoholic drifter who joins a religious cult led by Philip Seymour Hoffman’s character before having doubts about his faith in a new film from P.T. Anderson. Although I’d like to attribute it to a loss of appetite after being pooped on too much.

A year ago, Joaquin Phoenix was on David Letterman in character for his movie I’m Still Here. The interview was a disaster and left Letterman confused and sort of pissed. That’s what reports implied anyway.

On Wednesday, Joaquin Phoenix went back on Letterman and apologized. “I mean, I think that you’ve interviewed many, many people and I assumed that you would know the difference between a character and a real person,” Joaquin said. “I hope I didn’t offend you in any way.”

Letterman responded, “I’m telling you, it was so much fun. It was batting practice, you know what I mean? Every one of them was a dinger. I was looking for a beat down, and I got one… I want to thank you for that.” Adding, “[it was] like you slipped and hit your head in the tub.”

Letterman also wanted to make it clear he wasn’t in on it. Although that’s still debatable even after this interview. He asked Phoenix, “Was there a script that you and I were working with?” Joaquin replied, “No.” All that means is they didn’t work off a script.

Whoa, whoa. No need to plug the movie anymore Joaquin. You had me at “drugs, hookers and vomit.” Anymore promotion is just icing on the cake or should I say, poop on the chest.

Casey Affleck finally comes clean and admits his new mockumentary I’m Still Here, which Roger Ebert called “a sad and painful documentary that serves little useful purpose other than to pound another nail into the coffin,” was all fake.

He tells the New York Times that none of the scenes in the movie were real. Not even the opening sequence showing Joaquin and his siblings swimming in a water hole in Panama. That actors were used, that even Joaquin Phoenix’s publicist was in on it and that not even David Letterman had any idea.

“It’s a terrific performance, it’s the performance of his career,” Mr. Affleck said. He was speaking of Mr. Phoenix’s two-year portrayal of himself — on screen and off — as a bearded, drug-addled aspiring rap star, who, as Mr. Affleck tells it, put his professional life on the line to star in a bit of “gonzo filmmaking” modeled on the reality-bending journalism of Hunter S. Thompson.

“I never intended to trick anybody,” said Mr. Affleck, an intense 35-year-old who spoke over a meat-free, cheese-free vegetable sandwich on Thursday. “The idea of a quote, hoax, unquote, never entered my mind.”

When Joaquin Phoenix showed up one day looking like a bum, crazy and ranting about being a rapper, the first thing everyone said was, “this is fake.” There wasn’t one day when anyone thought this was real. Even when people found out Joaquin’s performance was for a movie, they called it a mockumentary. This is about as shocking as finding crabs on Paris Hilton’s bed sheets.

So, let me see if I understand this correctly. Joaquin Phoenix transformed into Zach Galifianakis for a year, used Zach’s persona from his films in real life, filmed it and is now releasing it as a mockumentary? I’m sold. I only have two questions. Where can I pre-purchase tickets to the 3D showing and does Zach get any royalties?

Don’t worry guys. Joaquin Phoenix is still here. Albeit a little more disheveled and poopy than usual. Explain the poopy part, you demand incredulously? Okay, okay. Calm down.

I’m Still Here: The Lost Year of Joaquin Phoenix will feature him: “Snorting cocaine, ordering call girls, having oral sex with a publicist, treating his assistants abusively and rapping badly. Several buyers said the film overflowed with Hollywood debauchery, including more male frontal nudity than you’d find in some gay porn films and a stomach-turning sequence in which someone feuding with Phoenix defecates on the actor while he’s asleep.” Bring the family!

The consensus is that when Joaquin Phoenix went crazy, grew a scraggly beard and started a career as a rapper, it was for a mockumentary he and Casey Affleck were filming.

But after a private screening of the film, the LA Times isn’t sure exactly what the film is. Neither am I. I’m leaning towards gay porn though.

It’s far from the Joaquin Phoenix you’re used to seeing onscreen: snorting cocaine, ordering call girls, having oral sex with a publicist, treating his assistants abusively and rapping badly. And not, apparently, playing a role — or was he?

Several buyers said the film overflowed with Hollywood debauchery, including more male frontal nudity than you’d find in some gay porn films and a stomach-turning sequence in which someone feuding with Phoenix defecates on the actor while he’s asleep.

The buyers, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said Phoenix comes off unsympathetically and shows very little talent for music in the movie, directed by his brother-in-law (Affleck is married to Summer Phoenix). Sales agent WME declined to comment.

In some scenes in the film, the 35-year-old Phoenix is trying to get Sean “Diddy” Combs to produce Phoenix’s rap album, but the hip-hop impresario is not terribly interested. Another sequence shows Ben Stiller approaching Phoenix about starring in writer-director Noah Baumbach’s “Greenberg,” but Phoenix is barely interested.

So… this is pretty much Borat: Hollywood. Except, despite Joaquin being even more talentless at his chosen profession, he still gets laid. Or taken a dump on. Maybe this is one big metaphor for something. The struggle for acceptance?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzX6XXVEa4s&feature=player_embedded

Early last year Joaquin Phoenix began an illustrious rapping career and started acting like a crazy homeless person. That was all in the name of art as Casey Affleck was constantly following him around with a camera. Anyway, he disappeared for a while, cleaned himself up and now he’s doing a PSA with Liv Tyler and Miley Cyrus for To Write Love on Her Arms, a non-profit that helps people struggling with thoughts of suicide.

This promo would have been a lot better if Joaquin kept the beard and when Miley Cyrus tried to teach him how to vote, he just sat there staring at her, not making a sound. I don’t know how that would help the organization, but it would make for a hilarious video. Especially if at the end he just got up and smashed the laptop on the floor in frustration.

Joaquin Phoenix is still filming his mockumentary with Casey Affleck. Early Thursday morning, Phoenix took his act a little further while performing at club LIV at Fontainbleau Hotel in Miami, getting into a fake fight.

Joaquin began his set by unintelligibly mumbling over a beat played by the DJ when a fan started heckling him. The actor responded, “We have a fucking bitch in the audience.” When the guy didn’t stop, he went on, “I’ve got $1 million in the bank. What have you got, bitch?” From there, Joaquin daintily jumped into the audience and tried to beat on him.

Security eventually separated the two and, wouldn’t you know it, Casey Affleck just happened to be in the right place at the right time and got everything on tape.

If Joaquin wants to make this more believable, he should speak up. I can’t understand half of what he’s saying. For all I know, he could be rapping about my mother being a whore. I’d be pretty mad if I didn’t hear it as, “I like cooking smores.”

Was anyone else hoping that girl’s top would get pulled down in the melee?

Last night on David Letterman, people got the chance to see how far Joaquin Phoenix would take his Andy Kaufman routine. The answer: pretty far. Letterman spent the entire night ripping into Joaquin while he just sat there mostly silent and acting high. The whole thing was rather bizarre and a could be considered a disaster by some. Letterman could have interviewed a pedophile about what he did to his victims and it’d be less uncomfortable.

People who know Joaquin Phoenix say his recent decision to quit acting and begin rapping is all part of an elaborate hoax. Joaquin, however, is hell bent on keeping the joke alive. He told the Associated Press:

“There’s not a hoax. Might I be ridiculous? Might my career in music be laughable? Yeah, that’s possible, but that’s certainly not my intention. I had a lot of dudes come up and say, `We really respect you for doing it, putting yourself out there, and going with it. Because I think true hip-hop heads know that it’s hard, it’s going to be a hard transition, and people are going to be lining up just to make fun of me.”

This mockumentary or whatever he’s doing better finish soon. People are going to get tired of watching him jump up and down trying to rhyme. Watching Joaquin rap is like watching a virgin have sex. You feel pity, but that feeling is quickly washed away by the hilarity of the next few minutes.

When Joaquin Phoenix announced he was quitting acting to pursue a music career, everyone wondered whether he finally lost it or it was all part of an elaborate prank. People began leaning towards prank when Joaquin debuted his rap skills in Vegas which ended with him falling off the stage. More proof that it’s a hoax comes out today as EW printed quotes from sources who recently worked with Phoenix.

“He said, ‘It’s a put-on. I’m going to pretend to have a meltdown and change careers, and Casey is going to film it.”

“It’s an art project for him,” says a source. “He’s going full out. He probably has told his reps that he’s quit acting. Joaquin is very smart. This is very conscious. He has a huge degree of control.”

Joaquin is bad at faking it. Not like me. I’m a pro. For example, this one time in high school when the captain of the football team tried to beat me up I faked going into the fetal position and crying. Worked like a charm.

Thought the reports of Joaquin Phoenix wanting to parlay his acting career into a rap career was all a big joke just like when Paris Hilton tried to parlay her amateur porn career into a singing career? Well, you were wrong. Again. Joaquin is dead serious about rapping. In fact, he’s already begun.

Over the weekend, a clip showed up on the YouTubes of J. Pizzle doing his thing at Lavo in Las Vegas. So, if you’ve ever had a strange desire to see the stock boy from your local Whole Foods drop it like it’s hot, then you should really watch the video above.

Another video after the jump.

Joaquin Phoenix wasn’t joking when he announced he was retiring from acting to focus on his music career. The Hollywood Reporter says that not only is he plowing ahead with his new career path, but his brother-in-law Casey Affleck will document Phoenix’s journey to become the world’s next rap superstar. Oh, yea. I forgot to mention. Joaquin Phoenix wants to be a rapper.

Phoenix is embarking on a new path as a rapper, with an album to be produced by Sean Combs. He is scheduled to make his first public performance Friday at a Las Vegas club, which will officially kick off Affleck’s shoot.

Um. Really? I thought the only white people who dreamed of becoming rappers were suburban kids with no lyrical talent whatsoever. Now you’re telling me 34-year-old Oscar-nominated actors have this same dream? Consider my mind blown. If Joaquin starts wearing gold chains with big dollar symbols around his neck, then I’ll have no choice but to go to every one of his concerts and throw my used boxers at him.