Madonna released a new single called Girl Gone Wild the other day which was accompanied by an image. An image of her that looks nothing like her. This thing is so Photoshopped that it should just be called “Madonna: Re-imagined 30 Years Younger.” A Picasso is more realistic than this.

In related news, Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis is threatening to sue Madonna over the use of her Girl Gone Wild title. Francis said he sent Madonna a C&D which he claims made her change the title from Girls Gone Wild to Girl Gone Wild. Madonna’s manager laughed saying they’ve been tweaking the album for weeks and used the singular version because that’s how Madonna sings it in the song.

Oseary then cites a Billboard story saying there are 50 records called Girls Gone Wild including songs by Ludacris, Jagged Edge, T Mills, Lee Kernaghan and Lil Rick. Finally, Oseary says Madonna doesn’t even know who Joe Francis is and has no idea about the threats he’s making.

Ha, eat a dick, Joe Francis. The only person more annoying than Madonna is that guy.

Following reports that Joe Francis’ wife, Christina McLarty, had already moved out, Joe released a separation statement which, as noted by Dlisted, sounded a lot like Ryan Reynolds’ and Scarlett Johansson’s statement. Joe’s first.

“After careful and thoughtful consideration on both our parts, Christina and I have mutually decided to end our relationship. We entered into our relationship with love and it’s with love and kindness that we leave it. We wish each other the best for the future.”

Here’s Ryan and Scarlett’s.

“After long and careful consideration on both our parts, we’ve decided to end our marriage. We entered our relationship with love and it’s with love and kindness we leave it. While privacy isn’t expected, it’s certainly appreciated.”

This douchebag couldn’t even write an original statement. He had to use a celebrity divorce template. Not even an obscure one either, but one from Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson that was released two weeks ago. Let me guess, Joe googled “celebrity divorces” and ripped the first one he found. No wonder Christina left his ass. This dude is lazy. Sex with him must be like humping a pillow.

Accused sexual harasser/tax evader Joe Francis married CBS reporter Christina McLarty in a civil ceremony at his Mexican estate in early November. Guess how that went? A source tells Radar that Christina “moved out and they might be getting a divorce.”

Joe’s rep denies the report but the source claims she’s living at her mom’s house right now. They add, “I’m not sure if she is still driving the S500 Mercedes he let her use or if she still has her $500K engagement ring, but she definitely moved out of his Bel Air home.”

She better still drive the Benz and have the ring. She was married to that douchebag for a little over a month. That has to count for something. In fact, in some countries, they give you a gold medal for putting up with that guy.

“Girls Gone Wild” founder Joe Francis is currently trying to block the release of a tell-all book written by one of his former employees, Ryan Simkin. Simikin seems not too worried about the lawsuit and is releasing excerpts. The most recent one being about how Paris Hilton smuggled ecstasy and coke in her vagina to France.

Simkin says when Joe Francis was dating Paris Hilton, he wanted twenty hits of ecstasy and four 8-Balls of coke to give to Paris to smuggle on the plane.

Well, first he needed me to go to the office and get a check from Michael, the controller, for the money; then I needed to go buy the shit and get it to Paris before her flight. I asked how the hell she was going to get all of that out of the country on a plane, and he said not to worry about it, that she would handle it.

…I enlisted my roommate to help me out, and he reluctantly agreed. She was down in Culver City at Smashbox studios, which was about a 40 minute drive for us. We sucked it up and made the drive. We pulled into the parking lot, and as we got out, we could see Paparazzi camped out across the street, just waiting for her to leave. We walked in, and she was right there, in mid photo shoot, wearing a nice little sun dress and holding her dog. I knew her from Mardi Gras and from seeing her out a couple times, so she waved at me when I walked in.

…We walked in, and she was naked. She was waiting for her next dress or whatever, but had already taken off her old dress. For the record, I’m a big fan of that move. She asked me if it was any trouble getting it, and I told her not really. I took out the Camel box and handed it to her, and she thanked me. We talked for a minute or two about the apparent difficulty of procuring those drugs in Europe. I asked if she was flying private, and she said, “No, commercial.” And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X. She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch. Classic. (full excerpt at Gawker)

I should be amazed Paris can fit a whole Camel cigarette box into her vagina but I’m not. I sort of expected that. I’m pretty sure there was even enough room leftover in there for an MP3 player and a bong. Paris probably didn’t even need to check any luggage. She just stuffed it all into her vag.

Tax evader and accused sexual harasser Joe Francis is getting married, er, a domestic partnership. To a girl. Without putting a gun to her head. What?

Francis, 37, proposed to Los Angeles’ CBS News Entertainment Reporter Christina McLarty — niece of Mack McLarty, former White House chief of staff to Bill Clinton — while vacationing in St. Tropez. But it won’t be a traditional wedding.

“We have chosen to have a civil domestic partnership because we don’t believe it’s appropriate to be married until our gay and lesbian friends are afforded the same rights as us to legally marry in the United States,” Francis told Page Six.

The couple have been dating on and off for nearly four years, during which Francis — who spent 339 days in jail battling various charges in Florida and Nevada — also went to court against Steve Wynn over a $2 million gambling debt, and the IRS, which seized $100 million from his bank accounts.

The proposal to McLarty was obviously made on impulse. Asked about the ring, Francis said, “We’re having one made.”

Joe Francis must have made a very romantic proposal. He was probably watching the game, turned to Christina and went, “Hey, wanna get married?” Then he grabbed her tits. And there’s no way Joe isn’t getting married because he’s taking a stand for gay rights. He just wants to bang other chicks without a pre-nup.

Back in August, Joe Francis pulled Jayde Nicole to the ground by her hair after she apparently dumped a drink on him. Today, Joe filed suit against Jayde claiming she threatened to kill him.

Francis claims he was minding his own business walking through the club when Jayde hit him in the head, threw a drink on him and threatened to kill him. Francis says he was “startled and shocked” and when he saw Jayde reaching for a bottle in a possible attempt to make good on her promise, Joe says he grabbed her hair “in self-defense.” Obviously, Jayde only fell to the floor because she lost balance on her high heels. Francis claims that when he went out of the club, Brody Jenner attacked him.

Because Joe is a whiny douchebag, he’s suing them both for battery, assault, negligence, slander, libel and false light. Makes sense. I too would be afraid of a Playboy centerfold half my weight. Imagine the damage she could do if she could summon enough strength from the two carrots she eats per day to ball her hands into a tight enough fist. She might have punched Joe in the face with the power of a fruit fly. Yikes!

Joe Francis must be impressed with himself. Fresh off his beating of former Playboy centerfold Jayde Nicole, Francis puffed up his chest and threatened to kick Brody Jenner’s ass too (read: drag him to the floor by his hair). His exact words were, “If I see Brody Jenner, he is dead.” He then added that Jenner has the smallest penis he’s ever seen. Penis size is very important to Joe Francis.

Of course, Francis said this before he unexpectedly ran into Jenner minutes later inside the Star Magazine party. Did Francis deliver that ass kicking to Jenner? Page Six has the shocking details.

“Brody’s boys stood up as soon as they saw Joe. Lo Bosworth told them all to calm down and not do anything crazy. Brody and his pals walked out giving Francis dirty looks. Francis stood there with his tail between his legs. He looked scared [bleep]less.”

Joe Francis is like one of those kids that talk a big game but rarely do anything besides get stuffed into a trash can. He’ll probably come up with excuses like, “Brody Jenner had backup” or “I didn’t want to cause a scene” or “Brody got a haircut which gave him an unfair advantage” or “I had to run to the bathroom because I peed myself.”

Jayde Nicole as the header because she’s much prettier than Joe Francis.

Radar obtained video footage of the incident in which Jayde Nicole accused Joe Francis of pulling her to the ground by her hair and kicking her. Francis said these were all lies afterward and he would be exonerated by video. Well, I don’t think that means what Joe thinks it means because the video shows Jayde spilling a drink on Francis and then Francis grabbing her by the hair and dragging her to the ground. Probably after he shrieked, “Eeee, my Ed Hardy shirt.”

Coincidentally, the incident was exactly how Jayde described. Minus the kicking. Which is something, I guess. Maybe that should be the focus of Joe’s argument from now on. Granted, I can’t imagine that making a huge difference. Oh, so you dragged her across the ground by her hair but held back from kicking her. What a prince you are.

Update: It seems Radar wants you to go over to their site for the video. Sheesh. All that extra clicking.

Lamar Odom has made some bold promises for his bachelor party at Les Deux this Thursday. The private party promises drinks, a dj, stripper poles, midgets and tons of candy. If you have to enter through a set of pearly gates, it’d be like heaven. The only downside is Satan’s minions, Joe Francis and Rob Kardashian, are hosting.

The only way this party could get any better is if you put Joe Francis in a piñata and let everyone hit it with a real bat. Also if the strippers would do some sort of synchronized pole dance using the same pole, that’d be pretty cool. You could probably fit three of them on one. It’d be a triple decker of awesomeness.

[TMZ]

Jayde Nicole during happier, less bruised times

I take it back. Brody Jenner did punch Joe Francis in the face after Francis punched and kicked his girlfriend Jayde Nicole. Good for him. Finally, someone with balls who doesn’t let lawyers do the fighting for them.

According to Jenner, he and Jayde were at Guys & Dolls celebrating his birthday where they saw Francis “unrelentingly” hitting on an ex-girlfriend who both Nicole and Jenner knew. Nicole felt he was harassing her and threw a drink on Francis. Francis, being the scholar and the gentleman he is, pulled Nicole by the hair, punched her in the face, threw her to the ground and began kicking her.

Jenner started yelling at Joe which caused both of them to be thrown out. Although, I think the proper reaction instead of yelling would be to smash Francis in the face with an ashtray, but I digress. Jenner tried to get back in to check on Jayde but security wouldn’t let him. That’s when he saw Joe and punched him in the face. The next thing he knew, someone tased him and he fell to the ground. Ooook.

Jayde suffered a black and blue cheek, swollen face, bruised ribs, sore lower abdomen and hair loss (from the girly hair pulling administered by Joe Francis). Video of Jayde describing the incident here.

That Joe Francis is quite the little bitch. He can’t even fight a girl with dignity. I bet if he ever got into it with a guy he might literally pee himself. You’d think that only happens in movies, but you’d be wrong because, look, he’s doing it, right there, in front of us.

Joe Francis is a douchebag and probably regards Chris Brown with great admiration so it’s only fitting the cops are looking for him because he punched Playboy’s 2008 Playmate of the year Jayde Nicole at a club this morning.

According to Nicole, the attack happened after she spilled her drink on Francis. She says Francis became enraged and grabbed her by the hair, punched her, threw her to the ground where he kicked her.

One of Jayde’s friends tried to fight him off and Francis allegedly hit that girl also. Security was called in to try and break it up. Jenner tried to grab Francis’ and ended up ripping his shirt. Francis then ran out of club and hasn’t been seen since.

Earlier in the evening, Brody and Jayde attended at Stoli vodka party at a mansion in the Hollywood Hills and seemed anything but a happy couple.

Spywitnesses told RadarOnline.com that the two stayed away from each other most of the night. They had a big table for themselves and their friends but Jade huddled with her girlfriends and Brody stayed with his male pals checking out the barely dressed girls dancing around a stage. Despite ignoring each other most of the night they left together and headed out clubbing.

Somewhere Chris Brown is giving Joe a golf clap. Everywhere else, guys are hitting heavy bags in preparation for running into Joe and beating him like he stole the last slice of pizza. Where was Brody in all this? Cowering in the corner? What a good boyfriend. It’s just as well he didn’t stand up for his girlfriend who was punched and kicked on the ground. Watching him fight would be embarrassing. He’d probably be throwing arm punches while cocking his head way back so he doesn’t mess up his hair. If Brody was a real man, Joe would be real easy to find. He’d be the guy with a steel-toed boot stuck in his ass.

Here’s Brody Jenner and Jayde Nicole out in LA on Monday.

Joe Francis is offering Ashley Dupre $1 million to drop her $10 million lawsuit. Joe is adamant that Ashley has no chance in winning because they have her on tape giving consent and showing identification. Not only that, there was no sexual contact and the video was filmed in public places.

“She’s seeking $10 million for topless photos taken in front of a room full of people, including … multiple crews we had in the room. These images were taken in public places and contain no sexual contact.”

One may wonder: why settle at all if there’s no possible way to win? Two reasons. One, to have neither party lose money on lawyers. Two, to make a point that Ashley is just an opportunistic whore. This is basically the business world’s equivalent of throwing money at a prostitute to make her do things she wouldn’t normally do like shoot a baseball out of her vagina or drop a $10 million lawsuit.

On Tuesday, two weeks after Joe Francis plead guilty and was let go in Florida, four more unnamed women filed suit against Joe and his corporations claiming they were “exploited and abused by being filmed in sexual situations or having direct sexual contact with Francis.”

Plaintiff “PB” was 17 in 2002 when she claims that “Girls Gone Wild” representatives took her and three female friends to a hotel room, gave them alcohol, “which PB believes included drugs or additional stimulants,” then paid her and a friend $100 to “engage in sexually explicit conduct with each other in a bedroom of the hotel room.” She said the footage was used in a “Girls Gone Wild” video.

Plaintiff “PV” was 16 on March 31, 2003, when she says Francis “forced” her and a friend “to touch his exposed genitalia” in a Panama City Beach motel room. PV said Francis then paid each girl $50 to masturbate him.

Plaintiff “PJ” was 13 and plaintiff “PS” 15 in March or April 2000 when they and a friend were driving in Panama City Beach and “Girls Gone Wild” representatives “solicited” them to expose their breasts for cameras. They said the footage was used in a video and distributed worldwide.

Francis has another pending civil lawsuit in the area. Brittany Pitts sued him in July, saying he got her to expose her breasts for “Girls Gone Wild” cameras in 2003 when she was 16 at the time.

13-year-olds have boobs? That people want to see? Seriously? And what were these little kids doing driving in Panama City Beach during what I assume was spring break. Did they have fake IDs too? Because if I was running a business like Girls Gone Wild I sure as hell would be checking their driver’s license to make sure I don’t get sent to prison to be butt raped. 13 and 15-year-olds girls should be brushing each others hair and talking about the sock hop not getting crunk (this term is still hip, right?) in the hormonally charged cesspool that is spring break in Florida.

Thanks to Brooke who I hear is so gorgeous she made Heidi Klum cry.