Last week, Jason Pfeiffer went on TV and claimed he and Michael Jackson had a gay love affair that lasted even in his final days. Dr. Arnold Klein, Jason’s boss, confirmed this. Joe Jackson, however, vehemently denies the rumor.

Dr. Arnold Klein spoke of walking in on the two men and seeing them with their shirts off. In the last few days, Dr. Klein has told TMZ Jackson was gay and had no problem with people knowing about it.

Joe Jackson went on, “He’s a doctor and knows better than to break his vows against a patient.”

I don’t know if the expectation of privacy extends past death, but Joe is right. Klein should stop telling everyone how he walked in on Michael and Jason diddling each other. That’s gross. If I wanted to vomit, I’d stick a finger down my throat.

In an interview airing Thursday night, Joe Jackson, speaking to Extra about his son Michael, said, “He’s worth more dead than when he was alive.” He quickly added, “I’d rather have him alive. When he was living, they didn’t show this.”

What a caring father. The first thing that comes out of his mouth is how much more money he can make off his son now that he’s dead. He should write a parenting book. Chapter 1 will be: Evading child labor laws $$$. The last chapter will be: Profit after death $$$$ with four dollar signs instead of three to show how much more money you’ll be making.

You may have heard something about Omer Bhatti, the 25-year-old from Norway many suspect to be Michael Jackson’s secret son. Well, Joe Jackson today confirmed that it’s true. Michael stuck his penis in a real live girl one time.

“Yes, I knew he had another son, yes I did,” Joe Jackson told NewsOne/TVOne of the alleged love child. “He looks like a Jackson, acts like a Jackson, can dance like a Jackson. This boy is a fantastic dancer.”

I can understand looking and acting like Michael, but somehow I don’t think dancing like Michael Jackson is a genetic trait. There’s no gene for the moonwalk that I know of. And there’s no gene for being awesome like me either. I just threw that last one in there in case you were wondering.

Joe Jackson was on Larry King last night discussing various topics regarding Michael. One of the questions Larry asked was whether there was any truth to the allegations that he beat his son.

Joe said he never did and that beating started during the days of slavery where slave masters beat and tortured the slaves. Also, a lot of parents spank there kids.

Half of what Joe said was indecipherable and at one point I could have sworn he asked for an ice cream cone, but all in all, that was quite an infallible argument. How do you respond to that? In your face, Larry King. You got served.

Joe Jackson suspects Michael Jackson may have been. Wait for it. Murdered. Dun dun dun! Speaking to ABC News, Joe said at first he couldn’t believe Michael had died and that now he has a strong suspicion it may be homicide.

“We are still awaiting corroboration from the coroner’s office as to cause of death. That is going to be very dependent on the toxicology reports that are due to come back,” Los Angeles Police Chief William Bratton told CNN. “And based on those, we will have an idea of what it is we are dealing [with]: are we dealing with a homicide or are we dealing with accidental overdose?”

Foul play may be a stretch, however, as CNN reports Michael took more than 10 Xanax pills a night even going as far as to ask his employees to get the meds under their names. With that kind of medication, it’s surprising Michael didn’t die sooner. He probably sweat Xanax.

Still, in spite of tragedy, Joe always manages to find a silver lining. In this case, it’s how to profit off of his surviving children.

“Their grandmother — Katherine — and I” should raise them, he said. “Yes, there’s no one else to do what we can do for them. We should keep them all together and then make them happy, feed ‘em like they’re supposed to be fed, and let them get rest, plenty of sleep and grow up to be strong Jacksons.”

“I don’t know — I keep watching Paris,” Joe Jackson said. “She … wants to do something.”

“And as far as I can see, well, they say Blanket, he can really dance,” he added.

Joe’s eyes than began making “cha-ching” sounds and his pupils turned into dollar signs at which point the reporter got really freaked out. You could practically hear Joe salivating when Paris took the mic at Michael’s memorial.

Joe Jackson held a press conference with Rev. Al Sharpton outside of his home today to talk about Michael Jackson’s funeral and how he will turn it into a spectacle, open to the public, just like Michael would have wanted. More on that later.

First, Joe wants to explain why he pimped his record company at the BET Awards last night in an impromptu interview with CNN. You see, someone asked him about his record company he established with Marshall Thompson. The company is called Ranch Records, or, wait, is it Mraz Record now? Well, whatever. It’s distributed by Blue-Saw (what a wonderful technology!) and Blu-Ray. And, once again, Joe only mentioned it because he was asked about it. Which he wasn’t, of course.

Anyway, what were we talking about? I don’t know, but this press conference is over! No more questions. Unless it’s about the record company. Is it about the record company? Because Joe would be happy to extend the presser to answer all your questions.