Despite having dated Taylor Swift, Camilla Belle, Demi Lovato and Ashley Greene, over the years there have been rumors that Joe Jonas is gay. If you ask me, I don’t see it.

There must be something about Joe Jonas because he’s ran through Ashley Greene, Demi Lovato, Taylor Swift and now, supposedly, may be making his way into Rihanna.

Joe and Rihanna met when he did a song with Rihanna’s ex, Chris Brown. Lately, she’s been “bombarding him with raunchy text messages,” says a source. “She keeps laughing to her mates that she wants to take him on the wildest ride of his life.”

At this point, I can’t even make Joe Jonas gay jokes anymore. They don’t work when he’s going through half of Hollywood. Maybe I can start another rumor. Like how he likes to drown kittens in the bathtub while his niece watches. Yea, let’s go with that one. What a monster!

Wonderful news today. Joe Jonas’ beard contract with Ashley Greene is up. This after dubiously claiming in Details that he isn’t gay (Ricky Martin said the same thing).

Sources tell Page Six the two ended it weeks ago and that it was “mutual and amicable.” Officially, their work schedules caused them to drift apart. Unofficially, it must have been a 6 month beard contract.

Greene is filming the next Twilight flick and is set to film LOL with Demi Moore and Butler with Jennifer Garner. Joe is set to release his first solo album in the summer.

Ashley wasn’t too broken up about it because she was happily hanging out at Avenue Tuesday night with friends including Jared Followill who Miley has supposedly been going after.

Gee, I thought these two were going to work out (no I didn’t). I was really pulling for them (no I wasn’t). I just hope Ashley can find love again (she will once she sees me lying naked on her doorstep with a bow tied around me).

Ashley Greene celebrated her 24th birthday last night at Pure in Vegas in a tight, black dress and wearing a gold Chanel charm bracelet that Joe Jonas gave her. Joe originally mistook it for vintage Coach, so, according to my archaic stereotypes, expect the gay community to cane him for being unable to tell the difference between designer brands.

“The funny thing about it is when I got it, my boyfriend said it’s vintage Coach – and I was like ‘Thanks so much.’ And then I put it on and was like, ‘Oh my god, this is Chanel,’ ” Greene said, letting out a scream.

“It was very cute and sweet and adorable to me because my boyfriend gave it to me,” she said. “Coach, Chanel, [it] makes no difference to him … [But] I absolutely love it because he knows what I like.”

Translation: “Here, Ashley Greene, I forgot it was your birthday so I rushed to the store and picked up the first expensive thing I saw. It’s something with a “C”. Coach, maybe, I don’t know. Hey, look over there. Something else that starts with a “C”. Cake!”

Joe Jonas got tired of everyone calling him a dork and finally petitioned Disney to change up his style. He went to a salon, got a $50 haircut, $100 threads and ended up with this.

Instead of looking like a hipster who wanders around the street asking you for change for a Mocha Latte, Joe is now more “edgy.” He sashayed in front of photogs in LA yesterday clad in black with his snazzy haircut and mirrored aviator glasses to debut his new look.

I bet when people ask him what he’s rebelling against he says, “What have you got?!” Ooooh, he’s so mysterious. Spine, meet shivers.

Last night as Joe Jonas was leaving a restaurant in LA, a paparazzo went Diane Sawyer on him and asked the important question of whether or not he’s gay and if his beard contract with Ashley Greene expires next month.

Joe, of course, lost it and went off on the camera man. No, but really. He silently walked to his car and as he was driving away, he told the guy to “try to have some respect, bro.”

The only way this could have been more gay is if Joe told the guy to “look within himself” and fluttered away like Tinkerbell.

On a related note, Sean Penn just watched this and called him a pu**y. True story.

A source tells X17Online that Joe Jonas’ life got extremely sexy because when Demi Lovato found out he was seeing Ashley Greene, they had a sexy cat fight! :D Through email. D:

Demi fired off a “very nasty e-mail” to Ashley whining about “stealing her boyfriend and parading him around with him on tour.”

Ashley fired back in kind with a picture of her and Joe together and warned Demi to leave them alone.

And in my fantasy, this ended up with both of them half-naked wrestling in a tub of Jell-O while I stroked my white cat and said, “yes… yes… it’s all coming together quite nicely.”

With his trainer.

Fun fact #256: Joe Jonas has never felt safer than he does in his trainer’s arms.

Joe Jonas recorded a PSA for Cambio Cares (cambio means change in Spanish, the more you know) about the dangers of bullying. This probably has more to do with the most recent suicide by a gay teen at Rutgers University after his roommate live streamed a video of him having sex with another guy than it does with me calling Joe Jonas a homo in every post.

Jonas says, “The fact that people resort to bullying is horrible. If there’s any way to stop it, we’ve got to start somewhere. It starts in yourself, it starts in your school, it starts in your community.” Is this inspiring or is this the same useless thing that’s been said by counselors and mothers for years. Better advice would be to punch your bully in the face and then hide behind your mom.

Actually, getting bullied these days suck. Everything ends up on the internet. Back when I was in middle school when I had my lunch money taken and my pants pulled down in the cafeteria, none of it was live on UStream. All I had to do to stop the bullying was change my name and and then change schools. Simpler times, it was.

To prove he’s not gay, Joe Jonas took time out from his busy schedule to put a voice changer up to his mouth to talk to the media about how straight he is for hanging out with Ashley Greene at Walgreens while she buys tampons. At least that’s what I think PEOPLE is implying happened when they say, “But the duo, who were recently spotted on a Disneyland date and holding hands at a Walgreens, aren’t hiding their relationship any longer. ”

Joe, excuse me, a source told PEOPLE, “[Joe] is head over heels for [Ashley]. He thinks she is down-to-earth and absolutely beautiful. He hasn’t been this into a girl in a long time.”

It doesn’t help those gay rumors when people make Joe out to be such a girl. Down-to-earth and absolutely beautiful? It’s like he’s Katherine Heigl in one of her horrible romcoms.

Having “dated” for four months, Ashley Greene took Joe Jonas to meet her parents. The rumor is that Joe asked her parents permission to marry her. Strange because I thought Joe Jonas was gay.

Greene and Jonas were spotted over the weekend shopping at the outdoor mall and eating at the California Pizza Kitchen in Jacksonville Beach, but things got really hot in an obvious PDA way on Saturday night when the two were seen at the local Ritz Bar hanging out and making out.

“They were there with two other couples and at first went unnoticed,” says eyewitness and former celebrity publicist, Jonathan Jaxson. “Then they moved to the back corner for more privacy. They were very cute together; she was caressing him, they were making out and holding hands.”

“After they started making out, they drew some unwanted attention,” says Jaxson. “A lot of people were coming up to them and asking for pictures.”

Jaxson says the couple declined pictures and since they didn’t bring their own security they had to get club security to help them get one man away from them when he wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Joe Jonas needs to get a new beard. Keep away from my imaginary girlfriend you jerk.

Life & Style reports that the sexy succubus known as Ashley Greene has convinced Joe Jonas to convert his purity ring into a cock ring. Or something like that. The girls at L&S say Joe’s finger no longer sports the silver band that “promises to ourselves and to God that we’ll stay pure till marriage.”

Ashley and Joe have been seen kissing and grabbing coffee together. “When they’re not traveling, they’re basically living together,” said a friend of the couple.

I can’t blame Joe. If Ashley Greene said she wanted to have sex with me, I’d take that ring and throw it into the fiery depths of Mount Doom if that’s what it took. Ugh, she is so unbelievably hot. God could strike me down with lightning while having sex with her and the only thing I’d do is turn on the fan to cool myself down.

That son of a bitch. OK! is reporting Joe Jonas and Ashley Greene, the hot one from Twilight, are hooking up. A rep says they’re just friends.

“Ashley brought Joe to the Kings of Leon concert in London, and there was definitely something going on, but it’s not serious,” a source tells OK!. “They went backstage and she was talking to the band a lot, and he was just hanging out.”

“I think he wants it to be more than she does right now,” the source adds. “She’s a maneater.”

Oh, whew. Nevermind. I thought that dork was banging Ashley Greene. Now I see he’s just the gay, beta friend who hangs around waiting to make his move while Ashley gets gang banged by the Kings of Leon. Crisis averted.

[Fame]