That is if you believe Vanessa Paradis. Recent reports claimed Johnny Depp and Vanessa were splitting. Now Vanessa is flat out denying the rumors.

Making the publicity rounds for her new movie, Café de Flore, Paradis offered a clear statement to French television program Grand Journal on the subject after giving a vague response to the U.K.’s Daily Mail.

“Yes it’s false! Of course it’s false!” the 39-year-old singer-actress said when pressed about reports she had split with Depp, 48. E! Online

Depp has yet to confirm or deny any rumors and why should he. It makes having sex with other women much harder. Right now he can just say, “You hear those rumors of me and Vanessa splitting?,” and leave it at that.

PEOPLE’s title “Johnny Depp & Vanessa Paradis Living ‘Sad’ Separate Lives” sounds like the death knell for Johnny and Vanessa’s relationship. They haven’t been seen on the red carpet together for over a year and sources say they don’t even live together. Some in their circle say after 14 years, they’ve already split. “It’s so sad,” says an insider.

Usually PEOPLE has a good track record with rumors because they’re always kissing celebrity ass. Not like me. Whenever I ask for comment, the person on the other line goes “ksscchhh… breaking up… kscchhhh… can’t hear you.” At first, I thought it was just bad reception, but after the sixth time, I’m starting to wonder.

Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis’ relationship is getting rocky reports Radar. Sources close to Johnny say he “isn’t handling anything well right now. People around him are worried about how Johnny is doing because he and Vanessa seem so fractured right now. Their relationship is heading toward the end.”

The source goes on, “Johnny has started reaching out to lawyers, probably to quietly discuss how to get out of the relationship. They’re not married but they’ve been together for years and have kids together so it isn’t as easy as just breaking up. Johhny is so talented at acting, but he doesn’t seem able to hide how badly things are going right now.”

Wow. This source is really talking him up. The source probably wants this relationship to end so they can move in. When Radar asked the source, “If you like Johnny so much, why don’t you marry him, huh?,” the source said, “Whaddya think I’m tryin’ to do here?!”

Johnny Depp dined at 25 Degrees in Hollywood Saturday night and barely made it out the door before someone snuggled him to the ground. What a clever way to cop a feel but you can’t force romance, buddy!

Of course, the photog had to be all dramatic and scream, “You dropped Johnny!,” over and over as if Johnny Depp was just KO’d. Unfazed, Johnny got up and kept signing autographs.

Then he went to his SUV and made a strange gesture. He put one hand on his arm, made a fist and stuck that arm straight out. I think he was doing a modified Black Panther power salute. Yes, Johnny. *Lowers head, sticks fist in air* Power to the people!

In an excerpt released from an upcoming Vanity Fair interview, Johnny Depp compared doing photo shoots to being raped. Someone somewhere must have shaken their jowls in shocked disbelief because he’s now apologized for the comment.

“I am truly sorry for offending anyone in any way. I never meant to. It was a poor choice of words on my part in an effort to explain a feeling,” Depp said in the statement. “I understand there is no comparison and I am very regretful. In an effort to correct my lack of judgment, please accept my heartfelt apology.” HuffPo Celeb

Everyone loves Johnny Depp. He could have gotten away with saying he wasn’t referring to rape rape and if that didn’t work, he could have personally gone up to critics, looked them in the eyes and said, “I’m sorry.” There’s a 100% chance they’d be speechless, turn red, fall in love and faint. That is, only if his expression isn’t like it is in the header pic because then the appropriate reaction would be to call the police to warn them about a possible stabbing.

Johnny Depp tells Nick Tosches in Vanity Fair that he’ll take the ridiculous bags of money people throw at him but that doesn’t mean he has to like it.

“Basically, if they’re going to pay me the stupid money right now, I’m going to take it,” he says in Vanity Fair’s November issue. “I have to. I mean, it’s not for me. Do you know what I mean? At this point, it’s for my kids. It’s ridiculous, yeah, yeah. But ultimately is it for me? No. No. It’s for the kids.” Vanity Fair

He hates the fame that comes along with it so much that he feels as if he’s being raped every time he does a photo shoot.

“Well, you just feel like you’re being raped somehow. Raped … It feels like a kind of weird — just weird, man.” He’ll pose with fans, “But whenever you have a photo shoot or something like that, it’s like — you just feel dumb. It’s just so stupid.” Page Six

Is Johnny Depp partial to exaggeration? Well, yea, of course. He’s an actor. They all have a flair for the dramatic. He makes this sound like Sophie’s choice though. I’m not saying he has to like the publicity that comes with the $300 million for pretending to be a gay pirate, but at least be a little grateful. I mean, that homeless guy across the street has been pretending to be a gay pirate for close to a decade and he still lives in a cardboard penis-shaped pirate ship.

Johnny Depp made $350 million off of the entire Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. Naturally, he’s close to signing a deal to reprise his role as Captain Jack Sparrow in a fifth installment. Jerry Bruckheimer is currently working on the script which I take it means he’s tenting his fingers and exclaiming “egggcellent” while watching his team of trained monkeys type away.

Another individual close to the franchise said that a rough draft for the script was in, and that producer Bruckheimer and others were meeting intensively – three and four times a week – on improving it. A deal will depend on whether Depp likes the script, but this individual said the broad strokes were in place for a deal with the lead actor. [The Wrap]

Do you think Johnny Depp asks to be paid in singles for the $350 million and then throws it all in his pool and swims in it? Because that’s what I’d do. But I’d make sure to swim in it while my gardener skims the leaves. Like Michael Bay always says, what fun is being insanely rich if you can’t be a big asshole about it?

What the hell was a Best Picture nomination for The Tourist all about? Even Johnny Depp admitted that movie was a pile of trash. Not exactly. When asked if he could go back in time, Depp said he wouldn’t change a thing about The Tourist. But, he then implied that he was aware the movie didn’t turn out as expected. “I wanted to work with Angelina and I felt like I had a good handle on the character. It was not a character that I’d really played before. I don’t know the main ingredient of success at the box office. I just feel that’s not something I can do anything about.”

Lucky for Paul Giamatti Johnny was nominated because he split the vote to give him the win for Best Actor in a Comedy.

This was supposed to be about Johnny Depp at the Globes but somehow turned into a post celebrating Paul Giamatti. Coincidentally, exactly what happened Sunday night.

Johnny Depp kept his distance from Angelina Jolie the entire time during filming of The Tourist so there wouldn’t be any rumors that they were carrying on an affair. He probably should done the same with Kristen Stephenson-Pino on the set of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.

In the new issue of Star via Popeater, Kristen (Model Mayhem page here) was hired as a breast model by the wardrobe department for the mermaid costumes used in the film. She claims Depp was enamored with her, telling her she was “exquisite” and “you’re by far the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.” Then he invited her back to his trailer. “It was one-on-one. I was in there for a few hours, and that’s, like, everyone’s ideal lover boy. He’s just the whole package!”

Depp was so into her, allegedly, that he would eagerly watch her undress and even watched them do the molds of her breasts. Which sounds kind of creepy.

She even flirted heavily with him which her current boyfriend, pro surfer Torrey Meister, might take exception to. “I was like, ‘I’ll take you and Orlando Bloom! That’s the only way you can get me,’” she says. “He starts laughing and goes, ‘Honey, no, no, no, no. I don’t share with anybody. You either get me or me, and that’s it.’” Yea, word. Who wants to cross swords with that guy?

Even after she flew back to LA, Kristen alleges Depp would try to get the studio to fly her out to the set. “Johnny’s motivations were more than clear! He wanted her with him,” says a source.

Hollywood is full of debauchery so who knows whether this happened or not but if this were me and I heard some chick was hired because she had the perfect breasts for the job, I’d be sitting front and center with a bag of popcorn, pants-less while her breasts were molded. You can’t expect me to work for $20 million without a few perks, right?

Johnny Depp is in the January issue of Vanity Fair and talks about how he avoided any rumors of an Angelina Jolie hook-up and Disney’s worry over his gay Captain Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean. From Popeater:

On meeting Angelina: “Meeting her and getting to know her was a real pleasant surprise,” Depp reveals about Jolie, his co-star in ‘The Tourist.’ “You don’t know what she might be like–if she has any sense of humor at all. I was so pleased to find that she is incredibly normal, and has a wonderfully kind of dark, perverse sense of humor.”

On avoiding the paparazzi while filming with Jolie: “[Always] having to hide, sometimes not even being able to talk to each other in public because someone will take a photograph and it will be misconstrued and turned into some other sh–.”

On Disney executives not liking his interpretation of Captain Sparrow: “They couldn’t stand him. They just couldn’t stand him. I think it was Michael Eisner, the head of Disney at the time, who was quoted as saying, ‘He’s ruining the movie.’

“Upper-echelon Disney-ites, going, What’s wrong with him? Is he, you know, like some kind of weird simpleton? Is he drunk? By the way, is he gay?… And so I actually told this woman who was the Disney-ite… ‘But didn’t you know that all my characters are gay?’ Which really made her nervous.”

A good way to worry any Disney executive is to tell them your character is the furthest thing from a straight white male. In fact, not only is your character gay, but he’s also a tranny dressed in blackface. Before you even started putting shoe polish on your face, the Disney exec would have already have shaken their jowls and had a heart attack.

Johnny Depp has won the battle to remove his “explicit” sex scene with Angelina Jolie in their new crime thriller The Tourist. The shower scene had already been shot but due to pleading by his girlfriend, Vanessa Paradis, who wanted him to initially pull out of the project because of it and Angelina’s reputation, Depp fought to remove the scene from the film saying it “cheapened the movie.”

The script says that after walking into the shower, Taylor ‘lifts Cara against the glass, clutching at her slithery body, kissing her frantically.

‘Cara later turns abruptly to Frank and presses her body against his. He’s taken by surprise but willingly responds.?.?.?wrapping his arms around her.’

The Daily Mail claims Angelina Jolie tried to get Johnny to reconsider “but he got his way.” Also, this doesn’t make sense because if Vanessa was worried about Angelina stealing Johnny away from her, wouldn’t it be a little late because the scene was already filmed? Was she really embarrassed that everyone would see him nailing Angelina? If I was Johnny, I’d hope my longtime girlfriend would be happy for me.

Consequently, the award for Biggest Cock Block of the Day goes to Vanessa Paradis who has denied us a naked Angelina. The award was previously held by Jessica Alba’s lawyers who won it last Friday.

There was that story Thursday about how Johnny Depp visited a little girl in school dressed up as Captain Jack Sparrow after reading a letter from her asking for his help staging a mutiny against her teachers. It made the heart of everyone explode. Now here’s the video and it’s just as awesome as you imagined. The only way this could get more “awws” is if a puppy was snuggling with a kitten in the background.

Yesterday in London, Johnny Depp took time off his busy schedule of shooting Pirates of the Caribbean 4 to visit the Meridian Primary School dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow to help a nine-year-old stage a mutiny against the teachers. The nine-year-old, Beatrice Delap, had written Depp:

‘Captain Jack Sparrow, At Meridian Primary School, we are a bunch of budding young pirates and we were having a bit of trouble mutiny-ing against the teachers, and we’d love if you could come and help.

‘Beatrice Delap, aged nine, a budding pirate.’

Instead of throwing it in the trash like other celebrities would have, Depp decided to pay the girl a visit. According to the Daily Mail:

The school was told just ten minutes before that Depp would be arriving and two blacked-out cars swept through the school gates.

An onlooker said she heard the most ‘incredible screams of joy’ as the actor, in full make-up, then entered the school.

She [Beatrice] said that she was then asked by the star to make herself known from the assembled pupils once he arrived, and gave her a cuddle.

Beatrice marvelled: ‘He gave me a hug and he said, “Maybe we shouldn’t mutiny today ‘cos there are police outside monitoring me.”‘

Oh, sure. When Johnny Depp dresses up like Captain Jack Sparrow to visit a kid in school, he’s a hero and gets support from the local cops but when I do this I’m ordered to register on a poorly designed website by some stupid judge. C’mon, judge. I really did have candy in the van.