You know how some people look like huge dorks when they run? Yea… well… *points at Jon Bon Jovi* If in the next few hours Jon Bon Jovi suffers a heart attack, you’ll know why. It’s cause he’ll have almost died from embarrassment.

Jon Bon Jovi was poolside in Miami on Tuesday looking like a complete dork. Who sunbathes in tennis shoes and socks? Haha, let’s all point at that loser and laugh. Look at him with his stupid Fiji water and hat munching on a salad.

Note: Please don’t kick my ass Jon Bon Jovi.

[Fame]

Pete Doherty was arrested for drugs again. Didn’t see that one coming did you?

Jon Bon Jovi snubbed Michael Jackson. Plus, Beyonce had to coax Michael the diva out of his dressing room. Only Michael would act like this after being accused of molestation throughout the years.

Leonardo DiCaprio saved co-star Djimon Hounsou from being shot. A hero on screen and in real life, what a catch. Like me.

Victoria Beckham tried to upstage the Tom Cruise wedding. Anorexia never felt so good.

Casino Royale wasn’t bad. A little long, but it had its moments.

Rosie O’Donnell goes off on Kelly Ripa for her “homophobic” statements. Maybe she just doesn’t like creepy guys putting their hands over her mouth.

This halftime show looks impossible. I could only do 4 bowls on my head.