Jon Gosselin, no longer able to afford Ed Hardy shirts or fancy vacays, traded in his dwindling fame for a job installing solar panels. He swore off interviews, shying away from the public spotlight, except, apparently, when he has the chance to lord over Kate Gosselin. Hence, this interview he did with RumorFix in response to Kate’s whiny diatribe.

“Reality TV is not a career. Get back to a normal life — a simple life. Provide for your family.”

“Things will work out the way they should work out. Obviously there are families out there that have several kids – people work normal jobs and things work out. Everything is possible.”

“I don’t have a farm on 24 acres and the kids seem to have a great time at my house.”

“I go to work every day and provide for my family,” he tells us. “I spend time with my kids – spend time on the weekends. I spend time with the girlfriend I’ve had for over a year now. And enjoy a normal lifestyle.”

I’m pretty sure Kate stopped listening after “normal life” and started hyperventilating before driving off in her Audi TT to do some retail therapy with her kids’ lunch money.

Jon Gosselin used to be on the very popular TLC series Jon & Kate Plus 8. The show was doing really well and it was assumed Jon raked in a lot of cash. Jon and Kate then went through a very messy and very public divorce. Jon could have gotten a lot of sympathy but he ran around acting like a douchebag. Not only that, it looks like he squandered away all his money on cigarettes, hair plugs and Ed Hardy t-shirts because this lumpy mess had to find a real job.

Sporting a rhinestone-free safety harness and hardhat — former reality star Jon Gosselin was laboring away at his new J.O.B. this week … installing solar panels on the roof of a storage building.

The ex-computer technician scored a gig with Green Pointe Energy — a Pennsylvania-based company that specializes in renewable energy.

Meanwhile, Kate Gosselin is laughing all the way to the bank. The only way she’ll ever do hard labor is if she has another kid.

Jon Gosselin would talk to about himself in the third person and threaten to report Kate Gosselin to Child Protective Services for hurting their daughter Mady’s arm if Kate didn’t give him a large sum of money. In a not so shocking report by Radar, Hailey Glassman reveals that Jon would write notes to himself about what he wanted to say before extorting money out of Kate.

“Jon giving Kate ultimatums. He privately extorts Kate. If you don’t do what I want, I’ll do this…”

He also wrote: “24/48 hours or I’ll go to DA (district attorney)”

“He always referred to himself in the third person,” Glassman told RadarOnline.com exclusively. “I found it so strange. It was almost like he thought he was still on camera.”

Mady did hurt her arm, RadarOnline.com learned, and Jon saw it as an opportunity to cash in, according to Hailey.

“Kate started screaming and Jon just started laughing,” Hailey continued. “He just laughed at her. Later when he got off the phone I asked him, ‘What are you doing? Why are you doing this? This is the mother of your eight children!’ And he told me, ‘Oh, you don’t know what I went through with her, what I had to deal with.’”

In addition to the excerpts referenced above, another note says, “Need 50k or 100k now. 24/48 hours go to DA.”

Jon Gosselin spent 10 years with Kate building sympathy only to squander it away on fame whores and Ed Hardy shirts. If you looked up “dumbass” in the dictionary, you’d see a picture of this tubby douche.

Jon Gosselin used to be a tubby, Ed Hardy wearing douchebag but time has passed and things have changed. He’s now a slightly less tubby, Ed Hardy wearing douchebag. InTouch Weekly has photos of the new “in shape” Gosselin. He looks like he’s sucking in his gut. From InTouch via Popeater:

“Jon’s made time for himself,” Gosselin’s friend tells the magazine. “Jon’s own dad never took care of himself and died at an early age, so Jon is doing whatever he can to ensure he’ll be around for his kids as long as possible.”

Oh whatever. Jon isn’t doing this for himself. He’s doing it because he’s broke and needs to get the cover of a magazine. Also, he wants to get laid. No chick likes hopping on a fatty and slapping their belly to ride the wave because that ride is never taking them to Orgasmville. It’s more likely to make a 6 hour stop at the Butter Pecan Station.

Jon Gosselin got an almost full back tattoo of a dragon. Radar has the photos. Gosselin said he’s planned this tattoo for years and got it to mark a change in him. Which is why he picked a dragon. Also because dragons are totally bitchin’. The tattoo was done in one six hour session and another eight hour session.

Jon also says he’s working with a life coach. “I have just completed Section Two of my Total Leadership Connection program.” That’s cool. Now he’s a lunatic.

At least the guy didn’t get arm sleeves. But he should have really thought about getting some awesome skulls and roses and guns in there and then have Ed Hardy sign it and then he should have iced his bro.

Kate Gosselin is a whiny shrew who did nothing but emasculate Jon Gosselin during their marriage. Once they separated, Jon started his miraculous transformation into a balding Ed Hardy wearing douchebag. Now it’s hard to feel sorry for either of them. That makes this report of Jon Gosselin earning less than his eight kids satisfying yet disappointing.

Popeater says that Kate’s new show, Kate Plus Eight, is a hit for TLC and she and her children will earn over $700,000. For Jon’s role of not showing up and keeping his mouth shut, Jon gets $70,000.

“The reason you don’t see Jon looking for a job or doing embarrassing interviews is that he is still on the TLC payroll,” a TV insider tells me. “Jon is basically getting paid to keep his mouth shut and go away. Although it must sting him to know his kids are earning more money than he is.”

Out of the $700k, Kate gets $500k and the kids get $200k which is put into a savings account to be used for college. That is unless they forgo college to become socialites who flash their vaginas and get busted for DUIs. In which case, those savings will go towards bottle service and fancy lawyers like the producers of TLC and E! had intended.

If you ever wanted to watch a tubby, Ed Hardy wearing douchebag and a famewhore high on spliffs and drunk on champagne start making fun of the French for what feels like forever, today is your lucky day.

“Jon and Hailey were confused about how people smoked weed in France because they mix it with tobacco. All they did [on their trip] was drink Crystal and smoke spliffs with the friends they were with,” the source told RadarOnline.com exclusively. “Whenever someone was sparking it up, they were right there smoking it.”

Giving the kids to Kate was a good idea. Even though she’s an overbearing, annoying bitch, she wouldn’t be sitting around at home all day laughing her ass off and throwing Pringles at the kids. Jon would probably throw all eight kids in the dryer because he was so high.

Check out the video here.

Realizing no one was going to pay him money to attend their events and that lawsuit with TLC was killing him financially, Jon Gosselin crawled back to TLC begging to be taken back. TLC looked at him and laughed, but Jon used his kids as a bargaining chip promising they could film them again. From PEOPLE:

“TLC has reached a settlement with Jon Gosselin and will be undertaking procedural steps to conclude the litigation,” the network said in a statement Wednesday. “All terms of the settlement are confidential. The whole Gosselin family remain under contract with TLC. ”

A source close to the situation says that the network “hopes they will soon be able to film the family again,” but rules out a return of the hit show, Jon & Kate Plus 8, that made the family household names.

What’s most surprising isn’t that TLC took him back, it’s how this tubby douchebag gets girls. What’s his secret? Is it a gun or a knife?

[Maui, February 10. Images via Fame.]

Kate Major confirmed Hailey Glassman’s statement that Jon Gosselin has a small penis saying he’s “hung like a 9-year-old boy.”

Not exactly sure how she knows what a 9-year-old boy is hung like, but Kate said she and Hailey would sit around laughing about it all the time. Yet, it still doesn’t change the fact they were pumped and dumped by and fighting over that douchebag Jon Gosselin. That’s got to sting a little. [L&S]

Steppin’ Out Magazine dressed up Hailey Glassman, Jon Goselin’s ex, as a hooker and put her on the cover of their magazine accompanied by the words “Judge this haters!” and an arrow pointing towards her. In this issue, Hailey talks about all things Jon ranging from him being a sociopath to him having a tiny penis. Finally, what I’ve always wanted to know.

I’ve never heard of Steppin’ Out Magazine so I don’t know if this was meant as a joke or if they really want haters to “judge this”? Because it doesn’t seem like they’re going to get the response they hoped for if they were fishing for compliments.

I mean, when they finished shooting and stripped Hailey of her last bit of dignity, did Steppin’ Out leave the money on her dresser before they sneaked out or what?

Do people still care about this tubby douche and his merry band of wenches? I figured both Tiger Woods and Charlie Sheen combined would have pushed this guy into irrelevancy. Guess not because Page Six is reporting that Hailey Glassman filed a harassment claim against Jon Gosselin alleging he slammed her against the wall in a jealous rage after seeing a photo of her kissing “Celebrity Boxing” promoter Damon Feldman.

“That picture started the whole thing, a picture of her kissing another man,” a source told The Post’s Jamie Schram. Earlier, Glassman had “found out he was cheating on her. She told him it was over,” the source said. Glassman filed a harassment complaint with the NYPD, saying “she was pushed against [a] wall” on Dec. 20 and verbally abused by Gosselin, a charge under investigation by cops.

Gosselin’s lawyer Mark Heller counters that Jon wouldn’t do this because he’s a modern day Don Juan. How he said this without laughing is beyond me.

“Jon is a lover, not a fighter. He’s been rumored to steal a kiss here and there, but he has never been accused of landing a sucker punch.”

To be fair, Hailey never said Jon punched her. She said he slammed her into a wall. So, this isn’t as much as a denial as it is answering a different question. It’s like if I asked you about the weather and then you called my mom a whore.

A “sick perpetrator” broke into Jon Gosselin’s Mnahattan apartment over the weekend and proceeded to knife everything in his place. “Shoes, shirts, luggage, bed, curtain, rugs” and other furniture are now decorated with gashes. Not only that, the person stole a television, CD player, coffee maker, a Nintendo Wii game, dishes, pots and pans and smashed a 100 year old Ming vase for good measure.

They also left behind a note which they stuck into Jon’s dresser with a butcher knife. It was signed with Hailey Glassman’s name and called Jon a “cheater”.

NYPD questioned Hailey yesterday and took fingerprints, but since Hailey used to live in the apartment, her prints are going to be everywhere. Hailey’s attorney adds that this is all a big publicity stunt and/or someone is trying to frame Hailey.

Jon must have been beside himself when he came home and saw his Ed Hardy tees slashed up. He probably cradled them in his arms like they were his dying son, cursed the heavens and promised to avenge them.

Judge Arthur Tilson signed the final papers making Jon & Kate Gosselin’s divorce official. Kate gets the kids and their old house. Jon gets sadness. But the good news is he gets lots of it. Kate said,

“I am very relieved that our divorce has been finalized, and I look forward to the New Year, focusing on our children.” Kate calls the divorce “challenging,” and says she will now focus on “restructuring our lives.”

Sources say now that Jon has severed his ties with Kate and TLC, he’s in “immediate financial trouble“. Jon has to pay a 5 figure monthly child support payment, but since he can’t take outside jobs, he’s screwed. Jon also has to repay the $235,000 he withdrew from their joint account a while ago. The money Kate withdrew does not have to be returned as an arbitrator determined it was for the kids.

What’s even worse is Tiger Woods has completely dominated headlines and pushed Jon and Kate into irrelevancy. Who’s going to hire him? Worse yet, past promoters are slowly coming to the realization that they paid an overweight douchebag to make appearances at their venues with money that could have been better spent on hot 20-something models, cocaine or hookers. In hindsight, putting Jon in your pool at MGM just to have his fake tan run off and clog up your filters wasn’t such a great idea after all.