The other day, Jose Canseco hypothesized that global warming could have saved Titanic. Now we find out he’s been trying to hook-up with girls through Twitter’s direct messaging system for the past few months despite have a girlfriend (I think?). Nothing has come of it because this is Jose Canseco we’re talking about. The only way he’d hook-up with a girl is if he attached an actual hook to them and dragged them away kicking and screaming.

The first girl he tried to flirt with was Jamila Marie who was mocking him at first. The conversation went:

Canseco: Your the best
Jamila: you are! your twitter is so great
Canseco: Thank you can I c ur face
Jamila: I changed my profile picture – check now
Canseco: Sorry I have a girlfriend I made a huge mistake

This was her profile picture by the way.

Canseco backed out of that? That chick is hot and she has a falcon on her wrist. A f*cking falcon, man!

Did you know Jose Canseco has a twin brother named Ozzie? And did you know Canseco is retarded enough to use his twin to scam a boxing promoter out of money?

According to the South Florida Sun-Sentinel via ESPN, Jose Canseco agreed to fight in a celebrity boxing match for promoter Damon Feldman at the Hard Rock in Florida. Feldman says he paid Jose $5,000 up front and $5,000 to show. Jose never showed. Instead, Jose, trying to be clever, sent his twin Ozzie in his place. The only way people recognized it wasn’t Jose was by the different tattoos. Suffice to say, he was escorted out by security. Ozzie should have started shouting, “You got the wrong guy, man!”

“The guy I thought was Jose kept asking me to pay him in cash before [the fight],” Feldman said. “I told him I had to pay him by check for business reasons. He said he needed cash. We went back and forth.”

Ozzie, who has subbed in for Jose at autograph signings in the past, never fought in his brother’s place Saturday and received a police escort out of the nightclub.

Jose took his side of the fight to the Internet on Saturday, posting on Twitter, “Be very careful with Damon feldman who runs celebrity boxing he will not pay you if you fight for him.”

Apparently, not only does steroids make you a big, strong cheater but it also makes you dumb as a rock. Then again, there must be no truth to steroids shrinking your balls because Jose must have a lot of it to go on Twitter and accuse Damon Feldman of scamming him.

For most likely monetary reasons, whistle blower Jose Canseco agreed to enter Dream’s Super Hulk Tournament which took place yesterday. Armed only with his experience in Taekwondo he most likely learned as a kid and a loss he suffered to Danny Bonaduce in a celebrity boxing match, he faced off against the 7’2” K-1 fighter, Hong Man Choi, in the first round of the MMA super heavyweight tournament at the Yokohama arena.

In the beginning moments of the round, Canseco attempted to mount some sort of offense with an overhand right. Then he got on his bicycle and started backpedaling. Eventually, Canseco hurt himself trying to leg kick Choi and found himself on the ground being pounded on by the 330 pound monster.

Total fight time: a little over a minute. Amount paid for said minute: probably six figures. The expression on Canseco’s face as he desperately tries to tap out while being hammerfisted in the head: priceless.

Fun fact: The only training Canseco was rumored to be doing for this match was running on a treadmill. Guess what? It worked! Sort of.

While Sugar Shane Mosely fought Antonio Margarito at the Staples Center for the welterweight belt and Fedor Emelianenko fought Andre Alrovski at the Honda Center for the WAMMA heavyweight belt, former MLB star, Jose Canseco, fought perennial D-lister Danny Bonaduce on the other side of the country in Pennsylvania for irrelevancy (not a belt). 

The fight, which saw the 6’4” Canseco landing only one single effective strike to the 5’6” Bonaduce, a strong jab, ended in a draw after three one minute rounds.

Reports indicated that fans began leaving the arena before a decision was even announced. Most likely disappointed that the chance of these two pummeling each other into obscurity was nearing zero.

Jose Canseco fights to a draw with Danny Bonaduce in celebrity boxing [NYDN]