Joss Stone, 24, has sold over ten million albums and worked with the likes of James Brown, The Rolling Stones and Stevie Wonder. Naturally, she was the perfect target to be robbed and murdered. Luckily, the two men involved never got a chance to execute their plan because they were apprehended at 10 a.m. yesterday near Joss’ country home.

They were done in by racial profiling. Neighbors called cops after seeing “two black men acting suspiciously in a red Fiat Punto.”

Reports say they had detailed maps and aerial photos of her property. Cops also found swords, rope and a body bag in their car.

Wait. Hold on. Swords? They planned to kidnap her with a sword? What is this, The Pirates of the Caribbean? Couldn’t she just get away by, I don’t know, running? Maybe there was a big misunderstanding and they’re just a couple of nerds looking for a place to do some Live Action Role Playing. Were they shouting, “lightning bolt! lightning bolt!” in an attempt to slay the police when they were being cuffed? Because that would have been a dead giveaway.

Singer Joss Stone performed at Coachella on Saturday and wouldn’t you know it. Some pervert decided to look up her dress with their cameras. Have you no decency, sir?! Is what my moral outrage would sound like if I wasn’t also a huge pervert.

Joss Stone is in some movie called Snappers. I don’t know what it’s about and I think it’s kind of old because it was released in late 2008. It currently holds no rating on IMDB so I have no idea whether it’s good or not. What’s important is that Joss Stone makes out with another chick in the movie and here are the photos. This uniformative post turned out to be quite amazing, didn’t it?

Joss Stone and other celebrity guests at New York Fashion Week attended the U.S. National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute’s annual Heart Truth awareness campaign benefit. Joss Stone was asked how she kept her heart healthy. Easy question. Joss Stone answered that she keeps healthy by smoking hand rolled cigarettes. Next.

She told the New York Daily News, “In England we smoked rolled cigarettes. It’s better to smoke rollies than straights because straights have chemicals that keep them burning. So if you have to really smoke, smoke rollies.” A 2006 study established hand-rolled cigarettes are actually more likely to cause lung and oesophageal cancer.

A few minutes of hushed silence later, Joss Stone sauntered off stage believing she had dropped a little bit of knowledge on an unsuspecting crowd. “Being sexy and smart isn’t as hard as it seems,” Joss thought as a whimper was heard from her chest.

The other day, Joss Stone (Pop star from UK if you didn’t know. Geez, get with the program.) went to a tattoo parlor and inked the side of her head with a flower. Usually, people who get this done tattoo something a little more menacing. Like a pit bull with a spiked collar or Rambo strangling a deer or, my personal favorite, Santa Claus gunning down elves with a machine gun. A flower, not so much.

Joss Stone says American Idol is getting cheesier and cheesier each new season, but noted she enjoyed the first season. She also disapproves of the mean spirited comments from the judges.

“There’s some great people there, like Randy. He has every right to judge them. But the rest of them, why are you judging these people?”

I see where she’s coming from even though I don’t know who she is. There comes a time when a singing competition needs a stripper pole. That would make the show moderately interesting. That’s if we don’t see the more hefty ladies attempting to defy gravity in a g-string with an upside-down twirl down the pole. To witness that would be to stare death in the face.