For whatever reason, girls still haven’t figured out Justin Bieber is a gigantic walking bag of vinegar and now that he’s legal, they’re starting to throw bras at him on stage instead of stuffed bears and posters.

Bieber posted the above picture on Instagram with the caption, “I guess everyone grows up.”

I bet he feels really proud he finally got a girl to take off her bra for him. Just don’t tell him about the instant feeling of regret that washed over her as it left her hand.

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Justin Bieber is doing what everyone has wanted him to do all along. Strap himself to a rocket and blast off into space. In a tweet by Richard Branson, he confirms that Justin Bieber ponied up $250,000 to be on his Virgin Atlantic space flight.

Great to hear @justinbieber & @scooterbraun are latest @virgingalactic future astronauts. Congrats, see you up there!

— richardbranson (@richardbranson) June 5, 2013

With any lucky, they accidentally give him a display helmet which doesn’t actually have working oxygen.

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Here’s Justin Bieber at Game 7 of the Heat/Pacers game last night looking all sorts of swaggy. He looks cooler than an Otter Pop on a hot summer’s day. Even Danielle Fishel thought so.

This astronaut should have taken his helmet off at the game. pic.twitter.com/Iw0vAZyJLT

— Danielle Fishel (@daniellefishel) June 4, 2013

Oh, wait, no. Did I say cool? I meant gigantic ass hat.

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Former 6’4”, 212 lb NFL star Keyshawn Johnson chased down Justin Bieber over the weekend to yell at him for speeding dangerously but Justin ran away like a scared little b*tch.

Sources say Keyshawn had just left a party with his kid on Sunday in his gated Calabasas community when a Ferrari driven by Justin Bieber zoomed past his him.

Johnson dropped his kid off at his house and chased Bieber down in his Prius. He ended up at Justin’s house, blocked his Ferrari in the driveway wit his car and got out to have a word with Justin. But Justin didn’t have 3 bodyguards to pretend hold him back so he ran into his house and refused to come out. No word on if he pissed his pants a little or a lot.

At least two people called the police on Justin that night and witnesses say Justin looked stoned at the time. Though that’s kind of odd considering I’ve never seen anyone speed high before. Usually driving high consists of going 10 miles below the speed limit making nothing but lefts.

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Want to party with Justin Bieber at his house? Great! You just have to sign this waiver that says he can sue you for $5 million if you talk about it in any way, shape or form. This waiver is apparently not uncommon among big celebrities.

The NDA obtained by TMZ says that if you tweet, blog or instagram the party, you can be sued for $5 million in damages. It also warns of activities that are “potentially hazardous and you should not participate unless you are medically able and properly trained” and risks include “minor injuries to catastrophic injuries, including death.”

The document didn’t elaborate on what those activities are but knowing this is Justin Bieber and the kid is sort of a douchebag, he’ll probably make you butt chug some Cristal.

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Justin Bieber was awarded the Milestone Award (you got to be kidding) at the 2013 Billboard Awards. Half the crowd loved it while the other half was not impressed. That is to say, as Bieber, still wearing his sunglasses, got up on stage to accept his award there was just as much cheering as there were boos. And no, they were not saying Boo-Urns.

After taking in the reaction from the crowd for few minutes, he pleaded, “I’m 19-years-old and I think, uh, I’m doing a pretty good job. And basically, from my heart, it should really about the music. It should be about the craft. The craft I’m making. This is not a gimmick. I’m an artist and I should be taken seriously and all this other bull should not be spoken of.”

As you can imagine, that’s about the point when the boos got even louder. First rule of artists fight club. If you want to be taken seriously as an artist, never beg people to take you seriously. Hopefully someone backstage called the wahmbulance for him.

Bieber did manage to wrangle the cheers back in when he gave a shout out to the lord. God sure knows how to get a crowd going.

On another note, what’s with CeeLo’s shorts. They’re like pants but… not.

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Last night was the 2013 Billboard Music Awards and what better way to celebrate then to look at all the celebrities that showed up. Obviously, there always needs to be a winner of the night and that was Emmy Rossum. She was so pretty that you just wanted to pet her hair. Wait, that’s not weird is it?

In other news, Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez kissed backstage. Taylor Swift was thoroughly disgusted.

Meanwhile, Billboard has a rundown of notable events during the show. This includes Taylor Swift’s elaborate performance and PSY using the public men’s room for whatever reason and turning it into an autograph line.

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Please take a moment of silence. America almost lost one of its greatest treasures in Justin Bieber yesterday. While performing in Abu Dhabi on Sunday, a member of the audience managed to rush on to the stage and hug King Swag himself.

The moment was short-lived as security guards neutralized the threat by tackling him with prejudice while Bieber skipped to the side of the stage towards safety. Sadly, a piano may have been damaged in the scuffle.

Justin was able to finish the song while the kid was being dragged off. He even came back to perform an encore.

This wasn’t the only noteworthy thing to happen during Bieber’s visit to Dubai though. Locals of Dubai were a little pissed that a couple of clubs, People by Crystal and Movida Dubai, made a special exception to let him in even though he was under 21. When Movida Dubai refused to serve him alcohol, he “surfed” on top of a moving SUV as he left.

And if this thread on Reddit is to be believed, Bieber was almost arrested in Dubai for being a jackass and driving at high speeds. In the end, that didn’t happen, but a Lambo and two other cars he rented were impounded.

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Today in Justin Bieber is retarded news comes reports that Justin may have gotten a Selena Gomez tattoo on his wrist. This in addition to a koi fish, an owl and a tiger he already inked.

You know how you had those stamps as a kid and thought it would be real cool to just stamp a bunch of weird junk on your arm only to have your parents show up and tell you to scrub it all off because you look like an idiot? That’s pretty much what’s happening here except this is permanent and there’s no amount of scrubbing that’ll get rid of this regret.

For the curious, the image seems to come from an Elle shoot from July 2012 that Selena did. Though I don’t know how anyone figured that out. The likeness is terrible. It looks like something someone would airbrush on a lowrider.

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Justin Bieber got a Capuchin monkey a while ago. He named him Mally. As you may well know, Munich customs seized Mally when Bieber arrived for his world tour on account of him not having the proper paperwork.

He was even given a four week extension by authorities to file the necessary papers but Justin is too busy being swaggy and he won’t be coming back for Mally. The German clinic the monkey has been staying says Justin’s people haven’t made any arrangements for his return. Instead, they told them to find a suitable home in a zoo or shelter for him.

Karl Heinz Joachim, the boss of the centre, added: “There are a great many suitable places that have offered to take Mally and integrate him with their own capuchin monkeys where he would be much more happy with his own kind.”

“A baby monkey was never going to be suited to be on a world tour even if he is travelling by private jet. He should be out in the wild climbing trees and learning from other monkeys if he isn’t to have serious psychological problems later in life.” HuffPo UK

If you were making a list of reasons why Justin Bieber is a jackass, here’s #43. He’ll only care for something as long as it’s convenient. If he has to lift so much as a finger to help his monkey, he’ll just leave him in Germany to die. His motto is, “When the going gets tough, get the hell out of there.” I wouldn’t be surprised if he punched his monkey in the face when he got angry. In fact, let’s just say that’s what he does. That monster!

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