The Blemish » justin bieber Better than a slap to the face Mon, 01 Sep 2014 08:53:01 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Justin Bieber Brake Checks a Photog, Causes Accident Wed, 27 Aug 2014 18:12:48 +0000 Justin Bieber was driving his Ferrari in West Hollywood Tuesday when he saw a photog following him in a Prius. Since he’s a giant asshat, he did a brake check causing the photog to crash into him. The Ferrari suffered a few scratches and the Prius was still a Prius. And since Bieber is also huge douchebag along with being an asshat, he compared his situation to that of Princess Diana’s.

Jesus christ. I’m not sure how this kid hasn’t been punched in the face yet. If I stood next to this twink, my fist would experience a gravitational pull to his face far greater than the one between the Earth and the moon.

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Justin Bieber Tried to Take Someone’s Phone to Delete Photos of Himself Tue, 26 Aug 2014 18:32:33 +0000 Cops are investigating Justin Bieber for attempted robbery, attempted battery and attempted theft. This after Bieber tried to grab a guy’s cell to delete the pictures he took.

Justin and Selena were at Dave & Buster’s Monday night when a fan snapped photos of the two. Since he’s a big asshat, Justin lunged at him to take his phone. But, much like a mother lion does to her cub who doesn’t know any better, Justin’s security held him back before making any contact with the fan.

Police were called but Justin left by the time they arrived.

Bieber is currently on probation for egging his neighbor’s house so this could trigger a probation violation which would mean jail which would make a certain someone very happy. That certain someone is all of us, by the way.

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Suge Knight Shot 6 Times, Shooter May Have Been Targeting Chris Brown and Justin Bieber Sun, 24 Aug 2014 18:56:02 +0000 During a pre-VMA party hosted by Chris Brown at 1Oak, an unknown assailant attempted to shoot Chris Brown and, possibly, Justin Bieber but ended up hitting Suge Knight 6 times instead. It happened at around 1:30 am on Sunday while celebs were all partying inside the club. Because Suge has more street cred than anyone in there combined, he managed to walk out under his own accord. A cop saw him, and walked him to the police car where he waited for an ambulance. He’s now out of surgery and recovering in the ICU.

Two others were also injured, a 32-year-old male and a 19-year-old female. Which is weird since I thought 19 was under 21. Maybe I’m just not good at math.

Chris Brown then tweeted a social commentary about how society can’t have fun or enjoy themselves without causing trouble.

He does remember he punched Rihanna in the face a bunch of times, punched another guy in the face, and threw a chair through a window, right? Okay, just wanted to make sure.

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Justin Bieber Does the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge Without Ice Mon, 18 Aug 2014 00:48:44 +0000 If Justin Bieber wants people’s perception of him (that of a whiny douchebag) to change, then it would behoove him to not fake the ALS Ice Bucket challenge.

Bieber posted an Instagram video of him doing said challenge with what looks to be a bucket of plain old water. Not a bit of ice in sight. Could the ice have melted in the few seconds it took to fill the bucket? Sure, maybe. But this is Justin Bieber we’re talking about. He’s faker than Courtney Stodden’s tits.

Meanwhile, people like Phoenix Jones are turning the ice bucket challenge up a notch. Here he is dumping a bucket of ice over his head before getting tased into a pool of ice. Your move, Obama.

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Selena Gomez Attended ‘Bible Study’ With Justin Bieber Again Fri, 15 Aug 2014 16:56:02 +0000 Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez were seen attending Church on Wednesday night. Afterward, Bieber posted a photo of him holding Gomez while she kissed him on the cheek. Clearly, this means they’re banging again.

The pair sat next to each other while partaking in Bible study and seemed very close. They then left together in Bieber’s car.

Justin looked really comfortable with Selena as he still thinks their bond is unbreakable and knows that Selena will always love him.

Apparently there’s no greater aphrodisiac than Church and God. Like my reverend told me, nothing gets a girl wetter than prayer.

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Leonardo DiCaprio Cheered on Orlando Bloom Fri, 01 Aug 2014 07:47:09 +0000 What would you do if you saw Orlando Bloom try to punch Justin Bieber in the face? Probably cheer him on like Leonardo DiCaprio did. A Spanish journalist told the Mirror that Leo, who was sitting at Bloom’s table, was flipping out when the whole thing happened.

I went there with friends for dinner. We were on the table next to Orlando Bloom and Leonardo DiCaprio.

There was also Lindsay Lohan, Puff Daddy and Erick Morillo at the restaurant.

Justin said something when he came in which was aimed at Orlando, who then jumped onto a sofa to try and get at Justin.

It was amazing. Everyone stood up and started watching like it was a show and clapping.

There were actually two moments when it turned violent, it wasn’t just the one punch thrown.

DiCaprio was flipping out and Lindsay Lohan was trying to call them. Justin’s face was amazing.

That is to say punching Justin Bieber is a surefire way to see anybody’s o-face. I’m pretty sure if Orlando Bloom actually connected with his punch, everyone in the club would have came in their pants.

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Another Shot Fired in the Bieber/Bloom Feud Thu, 31 Jul 2014 17:52:57 +0000 Shots have been fired and lines have been drawn in the Justin Bieber/Orlando Bloom feud. In case you missed it, Orlando Bloom tried to punch Justin Bieber and everyone gave Bloom high fives, free shots and then all the girls blew him.

Since then, Bieber has been lobbing grenades on Instagram. First, he posted a photo of Miranda Kerr to sort of rub in his face the rumor that he might have slept with her while she and Bloom were married. He quickly took that down. Next, he posted a photo of a crying Orlando Bloom because showing a handsome man’s emotional side really turns off the ladies. Bieber’s really winning this war of attrition.

Celebrities have also begun choosing sides. By my estimation, according to this roundup from Us, it’s 11 – Bloom, 0 – Bieber, 5 -Neutral. Ouch.

Bloom has yet to respond to Bieber’s petty slams. Most likely because he’s too busy hanging out with chicks on yachts like he did today with Erica Packer.

Coincidentally enough, Erica Packer is the ex-wife of billionaire James Packer who Bloom’s wife is rumored to be dating. So it looks like Bloom is starring in his own sexy Vengeance Trilogy.

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This Is What Started the Fight Between Bieber and Bloom Wed, 30 Jul 2014 16:44:55 +0000 Wondering why Orlando Bloom wanted to punch that little twink Justin Bieber? It wasn’t just because he has a punchable face and a douchey demeanor. That was only 80% of the reason. Page Six says Bloom refused to shake Bieber’s hand which led to Bieber telling him Miranda Kerr was good in bed. Yea, that’s gonna be an ass kicking.

“Justin was at one table, and Orlando was at another,” a source told us. “But when Bieber and his party were later walking past Bloom’s table, Orlando refused to shake Bieber’s hand.” Then “Bieber said something rude to Orlando, like, ‘She was good.’”

Someone else, probably Bieber’s rep, said Bloom attacked him out of nowhere.

Another source close to Bieber countered that the pop star didn’t make any rude comment and that “Justin didn’t even know Orlando was there. But when they saw each other, it was Orlando who was just being an a-hole to Justin.”

Meanwhile, one person says the punch didn’t connect while another person said it did which caused the crowd to cheer. The video of the incident shows it probably didn’t connect and that someone blocked it for Bieber who was probably standing their pissing his pants.

Bieber can reportedly be heard in the video of the incident, yelling, “What’s up, bitch?” to Bloom. A source said Bieber also said, “Say hi to her,” as the two were separated after the punch.

This was probably when he was surrounded by bodyguards. He probably did the old “Hold me back, bro!,” move while his entourage looked at each other confused.

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Orlando Bloom Tried to Punch Justin Bieber Wed, 30 Jul 2014 07:53:08 +0000 Wednesday morning in Ibiza, Orlando Bloom threw a punch at Justin Bieber which he, unfortunately, ducked. Aw, dammit. *kicks can* The two were at Cipriani when they got into it. Their entourages pulled them apart.

Both are kind of pissy at each other for the other possibly hooking up with their respective exes. Rumors were flying when Bieber and Miranda Kerr got close at a 2012 Victoria’s Secret after-party. Earlier this year, Orlando Bloom was seen with Selena Gomez.

TMZ posted a video of the aftermath and you can hear Bieber saying, “What’s up, bitch!,” to Bloom.

After Bieber left, the crowd applauded because you would have done the same thing. Who hasn’t fantasized about punching Justin Bieber? That’s #2 on everyone’s bucket list.

Later in the day, Bieber posted a pic of Miranda Kerr on his Instagram which he quickly deleted. So, yea, shots fired. But I expect Bieber to roll deep with security now because far be it for him to settle his own fights. His fists are about as furious as two clouds colliding.

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Justin Bieber Now a Calvin Klein Underwear Model Tue, 22 Jul 2014 21:57:04 +0000 Intent on following the footsteps of Marky Mark, Justin Bieber just signed an underwear contract with Calvin Klein. A CK source tells the Mail that, “Justin has shot for Calvin Klein, we hope the results will be released later this year.”

In April, the rumor was he would appear in a campaign with Kendall Jenner who also posted a photo of herself in Calvin Klein underwear.


Sales of Calvin Klein underwear are projected to go through the roof following this campaign. Because there’s nothing guys enjoy more than modeling themselves after a massive tool who models their underwear.

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