The Blemish » kanye west Better than a slap to the face Tue, 18 Nov 2014 21:10:02 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Kim Kardashian Went Braless to the Movies Mon, 20 Oct 2014 17:10:19 +0000 I’m not exactly sure what Kim Kardashian was wearing on her movie date with Kanye West. Half her jeans were missing and the entire back of her shirt was gone. It looked like she got into a fight with a rape-y bear who gave up mid-way through.

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Kim Kardashian Is a Good Dresser Mon, 29 Sep 2014 18:30:44 +0000 Halloween is October 31st, right? Just checking. Someone should remind Kim Kardashian. By the way, the photo agency blurred out her kid’s face in case you were wondering if North West contracted some horrible, disfiguring disease.

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Kim Kardashian Requires Armored Transport Now Fri, 26 Sep 2014 16:30:32 +0000 Kim Kardashian and Kanye West were so freaked out after Vitalii Sediuk tried to tackle Kim that they’re now beefing up their security with armored cars and armed bodyguards. This is clearly the appropriate response to a prank.

Sources say the 2 additional teams of armed bodyguards will create an ouroboros around them during Fashion Week and protect them as if they had the nuclear codes. These are two very important people. Some would even describe them as a national treasure. Mind you, these people would be named Kris Jenner.

In other news, Kim also got booed for showing up late to the Lanvin show.

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Someone Tackled Kim Kardashian at Paris Fashion Week Thu, 25 Sep 2014 18:52:47 +0000 Vitalii Sediuk, the serial prankster who tried to blow Brad Pitt, buried his face in Leonardo DiCaprio’s package and kissed Will Smith on the mouth, has taken credit for tackling Kim Kardashian at Paris Fashion Week on Thursday.

While Kim and Kanye were exiting opposite sides of their ride, someone lunged at Kim’s feet and tried to pull her to the ground. Kim’s big ass kept her center of gravity low so it turned out to be harder than expected. Security jumped in and subdued the guy with help from the paparazzi. If you’re wondering why the paparazzi even bothered, think of the paps as remoras and Kim as a whale swimming through the ocean. They have a somewhat symbiotic relationship.

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Here’s the Video of Kanye Telling a Guy in a Wheelchair to Stand Up Mon, 15 Sep 2014 16:26:47 +0000 Like I mentioned in the previous post, Kanye West just couldn’t believe how long it was taking for this guy in a wheelchair to stand up. The nerve of some people.

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Kanye West Wanted Disabled Fans to Stand Up Sat, 13 Sep 2014 21:47:44 +0000 Last Wednesday, Kanye West stopped his show in Melbourne because two fans wouldn’t stand up and dance like he told them to. During his performance on Wednesday, he announced “unless y’all sitting down because y’all handicapped.” Well, they were. Awk-ward.

Fans at the performance confirmed the incident to Daily Mail Australia on Saturday after a series of Tweets about the moment flooded social media, with one saying ‘He wanted the crowd to stand up and couldn’t see why they were seated. Once it clicked that they couldn’t, he started the song.’

‘Imma see you if you ain’t standing up, believe me, I’m very good at that.’

When the musician saw a concertgoer waving a prosthetic limb to explain why they weren’t dancing, he acknowledged them, saying: ‘Okay, you fine!’

This happened twice.

But when another fan remained seated, he stopped the song Good Life, saying, ‘This is the longest I’ve had to wait to do a song, it’s unbelievable,’ before sending bodyguard Pascal Duvier into the arena to check whether the person was in fact in a wheelchair- which they were.

‘The crowd was also yelling that he was in a wheelchair but he waited for Pascal’s confirmation,’ the witness said, while others said the crowd made ‘wheelchair motions’ to alert the singer to his mistake.

‘When he sent Pascal up there he said, ‘He is in a wheelchair? It’s fine!’ the witness reported.

Being as egotistical as he is, it’s surprising Yeezus didn’t tell the kid he should try walking because he was in the presence of greatness.

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Kanye West Fired His DJ, Probably Because He Sucked Thu, 14 Aug 2014 23:04:50 +0000 DJ Million Dollar Mano (we’ll call him DJ MDM for short) has been given the boot as Kanye West’s DJ. Kanye offered no explanation as to why but a fan from a Kanye West message board compiled a video of all the times DJ MDM fucked up Kanye’s set. From not playing the right song to forgetting to play the song completely.

Then again, maybe he just really liked trolling Kanye.

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Kanye West’s Video for ‘RoboCop’ Leaked Sat, 09 Aug 2014 00:55:09 +0000 A short clip from Kanye West’s unreleased music video for RoboCop has been leaked. Shihan Barbee, the 3D modeler who directed the video, says the video never debuted despite being “dope.” The video features Amber Rose’s head on top of a Barbified version of her body as she twerks and jerks for Kanye. It’s like one of those really awkward sex dreams you had as a kid after playing with your sister’s dolls. No, I don’t think that’s oddly specific at all, why do you ask?

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Kanye West Still Comparing Celebrities to Blacks in the 60s Thu, 07 Aug 2014 17:47:57 +0000 TMZ obtained a copy of Kanye West’s deposition in the case where he’s accused of beating a photog and smashing his camera. Lo and behold, Kanye is still trying to draw parallels between celebrities of today and black people from the 60s.

“I mean in the ’60s people used to hold up ‘Die N****r’ signs when my parents were in the sit-ins also.” Goldberg asks if he equates the struggle of blacks in the past with celebrities today and Kanye says, “Yes, 100 … I equate it to discrimination. I equate it to inequalities.”

“We, as group of minorities here in L.A., as celebrities have to ban together to influence guys like this — guys trying to take the picture, guys trying to get the big win, guys trying to get the check.”

People trying to take pictures of celebrities walking down the street to their Lambo is totally like blacks being denied their rights in the 60s. Back then they could barely get to their Lambos either! Well, no more. This small minority of obscenely wealthy people in LA need to band together to make their voice heard. Too long have they been ignored. Come out from behind those gated mansions and 50 foot tall hedges and let it be known that you, filthy rich LA citizen, will not stand for having your picture taken as you walk into a shop on Rodeo Drive for a Givenchy dress fitting while flanked by a herd of inconspicuous security.

Also in the deposition, Kanye whines that his daughter is stalked by drones.

“Is your daughter stalked by like drones? Are there drones flying where she’s trying to learn how to swim at age 1?”

“Wouldn’t you like to just teach your daughter how to swim without a drone flying? What happens if a drone falls right next to her?  Would it electrocute her?”

“Could it fall and hit her if that paparazzi doesn’t understand how to remote control the drone over their house?”

Like Martin Luther King famously said, “I have a dream that one day little rich boys and girls will finally be segregated from the unwashed masses without suffering the indignity of having their picture taken.”

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Kanye West Says Celebrities are Treated Like Blacks Were in the 60s Mon, 21 Jul 2014 17:08:11 +0000 I don’t know if you know this, but Kanye West feels persecuted because of his fame. West covers the latest issue of GQ and tells the magazine that being a celebrity is just like being a black person in the 60s. While talking about his 45-minute jerk-off session at his wedding, Kanye explained:

And what I talked about in it was the idea of celebrity, and celebrities being treated like blacks were in the ’60s, having no rights, and the fact that people can slander your name. I said that in the toast. And I had to say this in a position where I, from the art world, am marrying Kim. And how we’re going to fight to raise the respect level for celebrities so that my daughter can live a more normal life. She didn’t choose to be a celebrity. But she is. So I’m going to fight to make sure she has a better life.

Apart from the beatings, hangings, burning crosses, firehoses, racism, and poverty, this is all true. How right you are Kanye. Celebrities are just like blacks were in the 60s. The only differences are the man isn’t keeping them down, the segregation is voluntary, and the water being forcibly sprayed at them comes from a golden bidet in their multi-million dollar mansion.

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