Hugh Hefner’s new twins, Karissa and Karina Shannon, painted their bodies with the jerseys of both Super Bowl teams. They’ve both claimed number 69, of course, because that joke never gets old.

Shouldn’t these photos elicit more than a subdued “meh” from me? True, the only thing separating their tits from the world is a thin layer of paint, but I was still more excited to find that Pop Tart under my bed.

In related news, guess who ate breakfast today?

Hugh Hefner finally admits his relationship with Holly Madison is over. Hugh told Marc Malkin of E!, “If she says it’s over, it’s over. But like I’ve said before, she is the love of my life, and I expected to spend the rest of my life with her.” The main reason for the split is because Holly wants marriage and children, but six months ago Hugh found out his sperm count was too low to father another child.

What a shocker. Hugh has no sperm. I thought that was obvious. You know those tests you get at the optometrist’s where they put your face up to the machine and it shoots a puff of air into your eye. That’s what it feels like for Holly when Hugh gives her a facial.

Don’t feel too bad for Hugh though. He’s already banging Kristina and Karissa Shannon, two 19-year-old twins, and has been screen testing a college senior from Georgia by the name of Amy Leigh Andrews.

If you’re wondering what Kristin and Karissa look like naked posing in front of the Playboy mansion, click here and here (NSFW).