Kate Beckinsale talked to Women’s Health about a variety of things including filming sex scenes with Colin Farrell while her husband/director watched, her three year unplanned sabbatical and how someone grabbed her tits at a Katy Perry concert. Wait, what?

‘I got more bruises on Contraband than in all the Underworlds put together. It was like, ‘let’s not choreograph the fight, let’s just see what happens.” And all of a sudden Giovanni Ribisi [her Contraband co-star] comes flying into my house and beats the sh*t out of me.’

She said of co-star Mark Wahlberg: ‘He’s very manly. And if someone squeezes your boobs at a Katy Perry concert – which is what happened to me in Toronto – I did wish Mark was there because he would have sorted it out.’ Daily Mail

I’d like to know more about this boob squeezing thing. Namely, did they feel like firm marshmallows and did trumpets blare from the heavens once you laid hands on them as I imagine they would? Sorry, I guess that question was more meant for the guy that grabbed her breasts.

Here’s everyone else at the 69th Annual Golden Globes from the despised Madonna to Kate Beckinsale and George Clooney and even Ben Kingsley’s hot piece, his fourth wife, who mounted him and who he made out with all night with.

Kate Beckinsale made an appearance on Letterman the other day and it was just 30 minutes of uncomfortable silence and unintelligible blabbering. Oh, wait. I’m sorry. I was describing myself just now, not the interview.

This week in shoots we have Abigail Clancy in Cosmo UK, Beatrice Charity in swimwear, Catherine Bell for Felix Kunze, Dakota Fanning in Elle UK, Joanna Krupa for Me in My Place, Julianne Hough in Prestige, Kate Beckinsale in Angeleno, Lady Gaga topless in Vogue, Paris Hilton in FHM and Selena Gomez doing a shoot for Dream Out Loud.

Also, follow me on Twitter because you sometimes you get tweets like this and this. Don’t forget to follow us on Facebook too. Begging is not beneath me. Please, please, please? Why won’t you love me?!

This should really become a daily thing. How many magazines are out there? Christ. Enjoy.

- Abby Elliott in Maxim.

- Aimee Teegarden in an unknown photoshoot. She sort of looks like Elisha Cuthbert here.

- Annaelle in FHM France. Honestly, I don’t know who this chick is but you can see through her bra.

- Beatrice Chirita for Vova’s Fall/Winter campaign. I have it on good authority this girl is a model.

- Dianna Agron does Nylon.

- Emmy Rossum in Malibu Magazine. Sadly, not nude.

- Gina Carano does GQ. I wonder how long it took them to photoshop that fat off her. Everyone knows she blows up when she’s not training for a fight.

- Hilary Swank in Gotham not looking like a dude.

- Jessica Alba does In Style.

- Joanna Krupa in CKM Magazine.

- Kat Dennings in Bust Magazine.

- Kate Beckinsale in Flaunt.

- Kim Kardashian does Marie Claire.

- Lady Gaga gets made-up in GQ India.

- Rosie Huntington-Whiteley poses for Harper’s Bazaar

- Yvonne Strahovski for Allure

Here’s Kate Beckinsale and her body double on the set of Total Recall which is filming in Toronto. If Kate #2 takes off her sunglasses, she’ll probably look nothing like Kate #1. Which makes no difference to Kate Beckinsale’s husband Len Wiseman. He likes Kate #2 to wear a bag over her head during the threesome anyway.

Kate Beckinsale has been offered one of the female leads in the Total Recall remake prompting Len Wiseman to fall to his knees and scream to the heavens because he was just about to start principal photography on Underworld 32. Just kidding, Len Wiseman is directing this one too. Wait. Ahhh! From Deadline:

I’m told she’s been offered to play Lori, who was portrayed in the 1990 Paul Verhoeven-directed actioner by Sharon Stone. In fact, that role really launched Stone’s star after she transformed from the happy spouse of Douglas Quaid (Arnold Schwarzenegger) into someone completely different.

Both that role and the role of Melina (played in the original by Rachel Ticotin) has drawn high interest from actresses. I’ve heard that Eva Mendes and Rosario Dawson are the serious contenders for the latter role.

That’s all well and good but there’s only one casting I care about and that’s “who’s going to play the triple tittied chick?” I’d like to suggest Scarlett Johansson but that may seem too obvious a choice.

Kate Beckinsale is in Mexico with Len Wiseman and good thing he wasn’t in any of these pictures because I’d have to crop him out. Now we can focus on Kate Beckinsale who’s now a blonde and looks amazingly hot in spit of her dorky ruffled bikini and straw hat.

Kate Beckinsale usually dresses up as something sexy for Halloween to go trick-or-treating with her kids in. Last year she was a hot Red Riding Hood. This year, however, she and her husband went as Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein. How disappointing. To think I saved my boner for this!

How many kids has Kate Beckinsale had? One? How many has Khloe Kardashian had? Zero? Wow. Something doesn’t add up. I’m talking about the scale at Khloe Kardashian’s gym. It just lets out a heavy sigh whenever Khloe gets on.

I don’t know when, where or why, but I’m pretty sure the answers to those questions have no bearing on how furiously you’re going to be masturbating in a few minutes.

Usually, any kind of “do this or else” threats in a relationship spell instant doom, but if you’re married to Kate Beckinsale, your vision is probably already blurry from seeing her up close and your ears are ringing from the choirs of angels you’re now always hearing, so more than likely you’re probably just going to sit there and take it. Especially when the ultimatum we’re discussing is “I suck at cooking so I won’t do it–now order some pizza and drop your trousers.”

Actress Kate Beckinsale has given her film director husband an ultimatum – the kitchen or the bedroom.

The tasty actress has given up on trying to create tantalising culinary treats because she believes people are divided into two groups – those who are geniuses with a whisk and those who are earth-shattering lovers in the sack, report The Sun.

And Kate has proudly announced she falls firmly into the latter group, which must surely keep her largely takeaway-fed husband Len Wiseman a happy man in the bedroom.

Coincidentally, my lunch today is left-over pizza and warm Gatorade. Also, during my break, I hope to accidentally-on-purpose wander down to the photocopier and work up the nerve to make eye contact with that girl in accounts. Okay, maybe that`s not so much a “coincidence.” More like a “telling indictment of a life built on wasted potential and self-loathing.”

Esquire named Kate Beckinsale the Sexiest Woman Alive. I had doubts at first and was going to ask Esquire, “What about Megan Fox, Jessica Alba or me with lipstick? Didn’t you consider them?” Then I saw the video and forgot what I was going to ask. Then I started drooling and air grabbing at her breasts. Then things got real awkward because my blinds were open and my 40-year-old neighbor was changing across from me. Now I have to move. Again.