After two years of dating, Alexander Skarsgard and Kate Bosworth have split. A source tells Us, “It was very mutual. And it happened a while ago.”

Skarsgard isn’t taking the breakup too hard. “He’s single and he is loving the attention,” says the source. Skarsgard was last seen at a Film District party at Comic-Con where he went home with a brunette.

Once home, he hired a bunch of dwarf hookers and made them dance for him while the brunette serviced him. Just kidding. That didn’t happen… or did it?

Kate Bosworth hit up Mexico on Sunday, took off her top and went for a swim. It was disappointing because she managed to strategically cover her breasts except for a few shots. It’s like she has a sixth sense for paparazzi. These pictures are about as topless as a Maxim shoot. And even when you do find nipple, you realize that it’s still just Kate Bosworth. I’d rather have taken those five minutes to make a sandwich. Or taunt a homeless guy. Whichever. Both bring me the same amount of joy.

Photos over at The Superficial.

Holy hell, someone get Kate Bosworth a cheeseburger, stat! She looks like she’s aging as fast as Pamela Anderson. At this rate, she’ll just be a shrunken skull on top of a fleshless skeleton by next month.

Rachel Bilson, Kate Bosworth and Krysten Ritter were all on set of their upcoming film BFF’s and Baby the other day and they decided to take some fancy pictures. In one, Rachel is dressed like a French maid. In another, they are doing a hear no evil, see no evil pose. In yet another, they all pretend they’re holding my penis. Kate Bosworth still thinks it’s a telephone. Sigh.

According to Pacific Coast News, cops had to calm down an agitated Alexander Skarsgard because he was pissed a paparazzo was taking pictures of him and Kate Bosworth at Coachella. They note his clenched fists even though that’s not really how you make a fist. Anyway, you can relax. Nothing happened apart for the wet dream Officer McFeely had later that night.

[Pacific Coast News]

Kate Bosworth did a shoot for Tank Magazine with a sheer top and the results were surprising. You can kind of see her nipples! Who would’ve thunk? Anyway, Kate Bosworth, actress in such movies as Superman and 21, is topless in Tank Magazine! I probably should have used that sensational headline instead.

Kate Bosworth headed out to a beach in Malibu (Malibu beach?) over the weekend to test out her snazzy new bikini. It was the most impressive thing she’s done in her career. The second most impressive was swallowing a foot long hot dog whole. Or was that just in my dreams? Whatever, it was hot.

Liv Tyler was spotted kissing Kate Bosworth because that’s how people say “hello” in LA. It’s just good manners. Me? I like to personalize my greetings a little by screaming “I’m going to eat your face” while running at them with my mouth open and my tongue darting in and out. Incidentally, I’ve noticed a lot of people in LA are skittish and frankly, a little unfriendly.

Kate Bosworth hit the beach in a bikini looking less skeletal than the last time I saw her. It looks like she’s hanging out with her friend, but no, it’s her lover. I don’t think that’s that far of a stretch considering her last boyfriend was Orlando “I should be wearing panties” Bloom. I don’t want to call Orlando a girl or anything, but…oh silly me, I just did.

Wow. It’s incredible that Kate Bosworth hasn’t been blown away by the wind yet. I knew that she was skinny, but I had no idea she was this skinny. I hear Bosworth freaked out a couple of people by disappearing at the Superman Returns party after she turned sideways. Casting agents are already calling her to play Skeletor in He-Man.