Earlier reports indicated Kate Gosselin is growing increasingly frustrated that she can’t land a new reality tv series to keep up her lavish lifestyle of $200 haircuts, free vacations and private school for eight kids. No studio wants to hire her because no one wants to watch a shrew screeching at the cameras. Kate has since gone on Twitter to blast those rumors.

“NOT 1 stitch of truth in radar article, once again… & radar u can’t even report my website properly! It’s: kateplusmy8.com.” Kate Gosselin’s Twitter

HuffPo was the first to report it, not Radar, but whatever. A new article explains to Kate why she nor her kids, save for one, may be getting any offers. Usually, kids that break into the business are a triple threat like Miley Cyrus. They also need natural talent or a “flair for drama, which Mady has displayed on the show for years.” Oh, gee. I wonder where she got that from? CoughKateGosselinCough. Sorry, something was stuck in my throat.

“The people who break through from reality to TV and film are the ones who have talent, like Jennifer Hudson,” says agent Mara Santino, who discovered Chace Crawford. “You have to have talent in order to work. They’re not going to hire you because you were on a reality show.”

No, “they” won’t. But they may take a meeting or a phone call or slide the kid into an audition she wouldn’t normally get. That’s the upside.

“With children you have nothing to lose by taking a meeting,” says Bonnie Shumofsky of Abrams Artists’ Youth Department. “When someone has a name, sure, they are more likely to get in the door. But there’s no promise you will get past that.” MSNBC

What they do predict is a stage mother show for Mady. Sort of like what Dina Lohan did for Lindsay Lohan. I don’t see how anything can go wrong.

So where is Mady most likely to end up, if not on a musical Disney series? Would you be shocked to hear that I am predicting another reality show, one charting the ups and downs of stage mom Kate Gosselin’s quest for daughter Mady’s fame?

“That’s the show I would bank on,” O’Leary speculates. “A stage mother show. It would be the easiest thing to do.” MSNBC

You fool! Why did you give Kate Gosselin this idea? Do you know what you’ve done? You’ve doomed us all!

Kate Gosselin, once a goldmine for TLC, has now become a pariah in the reality tv world. Kate thought even after the cancellation of her series, it’d be easy to land another one. Turns out that’s not the case. No one is hiring her or even remotely considering it. Unless her ass doubles in size, she gets fifteen sisters and marries a pro-athlete, things aren’t looking good.

“She has approached many different networks, including pitching a travel show idea to her old network, TLC, but so far no one has said yes,” an insider tells me. “She assumed that given her fame, producers and networks would be knocking her over with job offers and is, to say the least, very surprised that she hasn’t received a single one.”

“Like many reality stars Kate is in a very difficult position,” a reality show casting director tells me. “Who wants to go back to a real day job after being paid to work three or four months a year. Everyone I have ever met on a reality show thinks it will never end. They quit their day jobs and assume they will become rich and famous. They do become infamous [but] — with the exception of Bethenny Frankel — they never become rich. Plus, who is going to hire them for a real job after they have made a fool out of themselves on TV?” HuffPo Celebrity

Aw, shucks. But I can see why no one wants Kate for a new show. The Real Housewives have the market for uppity b*tches cornered.

Kate Gosselin vowed to Matt Lauer on the Today Show that the first chance she and her kids get to be on TV again, she’s going to take it. While Jon may be satisfied with mediocrity, Kate says she wants the best opportunities for her kids and that can only be achieved through reality television. I love it when mothers aim high for their kids.

“There is sadness, because it’s the end of an era,” Kate said. “I feel sad for my kids because of all of the opportunities that they’re now questioning what’s gonna happen.

“It’s a situation where Jon may be accepting of mediocre for his kids, and working a regular job — I want the best for my kids and the best opportunities, not unlike every parent,” the Pennsylvania native said. “I think that to be a good parent is to work as hard as you can and give them the best opportunities in life, and [reality TV] has provided that.

“I think at this point, the best opportunity for all of us would be me continuing on TV as a way to provide for my kids. Something that’s exciting and challenging for me has been TV, and I wouldn’t be opposed to it.”

“You know, if the right thing came along, I think we are all still in agreement with it,” she said, adding, “I’m sure you will see my kids again at some point.” — Radar

Six years on reality tv has turned this woman’s brain into mush. She’s become privileged and whiny and completely out of touch with reality. This rant can be simply translated to “Wah wah wah, I want my $200 haircuts, free vacations, comped clothes and nannies back. Wah wah wah. I don’t want to do real work for a living. Real work is hard.”

This may be a blessing in disguise for her kids. Could you imagine 8 little over-privileged children who’ve gotten everything handed to them on a silver platter running around? I wouldn’t know who to punch in the face first.

Jon Gosselin, no longer able to afford Ed Hardy shirts or fancy vacays, traded in his dwindling fame for a job installing solar panels. He swore off interviews, shying away from the public spotlight, except, apparently, when he has the chance to lord over Kate Gosselin. Hence, this interview he did with RumorFix in response to Kate’s whiny diatribe.

“Reality TV is not a career. Get back to a normal life — a simple life. Provide for your family.”

“Things will work out the way they should work out. Obviously there are families out there that have several kids – people work normal jobs and things work out. Everything is possible.”

“I don’t have a farm on 24 acres and the kids seem to have a great time at my house.”

“I go to work every day and provide for my family,” he tells us. “I spend time with my kids – spend time on the weekends. I spend time with the girlfriend I’ve had for over a year now. And enjoy a normal lifestyle.”

I’m pretty sure Kate stopped listening after “normal life” and started hyperventilating before driving off in her Audi TT to do some retail therapy with her kids’ lunch money.

Celebrities don’t quite grasp the concept that the day will come when they lose popularity and the money will stop rolling in. It’s exactly the situation Kate Gosselin and her eight golden eggs are in right now.

Kate says she was unprepared for the cancellation of her TLC show and now can’t maintain her $2.5 million a year lifestyle. But Kate doesn’t want to deprive her children of the style of living they’re used to despite the fact she can’t afford it. She even considered going back to nursing. Boo hoo. This is me shedding a tear for her in my non-climate controlled room which is now bordering on 100 degrees Fahrenheit. Oh, never mind. The tear evaporated.

“I’m freaking out. Big time,” Kate says. “My kids weren’t ready. Nobody was. I’ve never quit a job in my life without having something else lined up. This has been ended for me on a moment’s notice. I don’t know what’s next.”

“Their first comment was, ‘No more fun trips?’” Kate says. “For them, no more job for Mom means no more trips, no more fun. They started asking, ‘Are we still going to be living in our house? Are we still going to be able to go to our school?’ I was not prepared for that.”

“I don’t want to take anything away that [the kids] have been given,” Kate says. “[I've saved] for a little while. People think we made gazillions of dollars, and we didn’t. After the show was canceled, I said, ‘I’ll go back to my old nursing job.’ If nothing comes up, I’ll do it. But the scary reality is, 12-hour nursing shifts every day wouldn’t let me continue to provide well for me eight kids.” — Holly Baby

Holly Baby has a rundown of Kate’s spending habits. Her frivolous expenses being the sole reason she’s going broke.

Kate has a full staff which costs $500,000: “Kate employs two housekeepers, two nannies, an assistant, and bodyguard Steve Neild.

The mom-of-eight’s $2,000 hair: “That’s what Kate paid last year for a cut, color and Brazilian keratin treatment at Ted Gibson’s NYC salon.”

Kate’s sprawling $1.3 million estate: “Kate’s 6,000 square foot five-bedroom mansion in Wernersville, Pa., sits on 24 secluded acres.”

Kate spends $500,000 on her children’s private school: “Her kids are in private school. At 5 grand a month for each child that adds up.”

Kate’s shopping sprees that costs ???: “Kate’s fashion tab is hard to know. TLC picked up much of it — but she loves to shop!”

If you’re a kid living in a hut in Africa who just sauntered into the newly constructed library complete with blazing fast 56k dial-up and stumbled on this page, then welcome to a taste of First World problems. Won’t you join us in feigning sorrow for Kate as she cries over having to settle for a $20 haircut and working a regular 9 to 5. Oh, the humanity!

In a statement from TLC, the network said it “has decided not to renew another season of Kate Plus 8. By the end of this season Kate Plus 8 will have hit the 150 episode mark (including Jon & Kate Plus 8); an exceptional milestone. TLC hopes to check in with Kate and the family periodically with specials in the future.” *Starts a slow clap*

But is this the end of Kate on tv? Not if Kate has anything to say about it. After the news, Kate went on Twitter to respond, “I plan on staying on tv :) but if I have to to provide for my 8 lovelies, of course!,” when asked by a fan whether or not she’d go back to nursing. She even hinted at pushing her daughter Maddy to Disney execs. “Aww that Mady… So well spoken! Wants to do MORE tv!!! Disney anyone? Lol”

Hopefully TLC has a contract with her womb that grants them exclusive rights for the next five years because if she has another kid, so help me god.

Kate Gosselin went on Entertainment Tonight in late November to deny reports two of her kids were expelled from school because of violent behavior. She said they’re being home schooled by choice. Because god knows how much Kate loves her kids that she’d want to be around any of them 24/7.

However, a report by Radar claims Kate is lying and that Alexis and Collin were, in fact, expelled from school and that the reason was they physically abused an adult and would regularly bully classmates.

“Both Jon and Kate were sent a letter from the head of school explaining that despite their best efforts, staff had reached a point at which they had to request the children enroll in another program,” a source close to the school told RadarOnline.com. “It’s clear Kate did not tell the truth.”

Kate’s denial of their problems has left many people close to the school perplexed at the very least.

“Both Alexis and Colin received three full weeks of intensive special treatment to focus their behavior,” revealed the source.

“While the teacher was able to achieve some success, it became apparent to the school that the pair needed intensive assistance to help them with their social, emotional and academic needs.

“The demand on the children’s classroom teachers — and the impact on other kids — was just too great.”

“It’s clear the kids need to be integrated back into their private school, if they want to keep them at the same place.

“Or they can be sent to the school with the Gosselin’s other kids.

Of course Kate is lying. This is a woman who pretends to be superior to everyone else and it would probably be the end of the world for her if her kids weren’t the picture of perfection. If the truth came out, she’d drown them in the bathtub and just shrug her shoulders and say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I only have six kids,” when people ask her about her two missing children.

Us says Kate Gosselin won’t tolerate the “finicky eating habits of her eight kids.” So instead of throwing away their leftovers, she repacks it the next day. Of course the kids hate this so they behave like babies.

Instead of throwing away the uneaten grub, “she repacks it for them in the next’s day lunch,” the source explains, adding that it’s school policy to send any untouched food home with students each day.

And those PB and Js can get a little gross, the source adds. “The kids are stubborn, so sometimes the little kids have the same half-eaten sandwich in their lunch all week.”

Sometimes the 9-year-old twins and 6-year-old sextuplets get teased for the musty sandwiches. “Some of the little ones cry, and some get angry and fight,” the source adds.

Kate’s ex-husband Jon, 33, isn’t a fan of Kate’s frugal fits. A pal overheard the single dad quip to his kids: “If you lived with me, you wouldn’t have to eat rotten food for lunch every day.”

Mothers. If they’re not embarrassing you at school, they’re feeding you week-old half-eaten sandwiches out of spite. Amirite?! If I was Kate, I’d at least mix up the sandwiches so it looks like they’re getting a new one. The bite marks might be a dead giveaway but whatever. That’s their problem. I mean, what am I? Their mother? Oh, wait. In this case I am.

Kate Gosselin made the most out of her Emmy invite by mingling with the likes of Jon Hamm and Edie Falco and other actors, directors and producers in an attempt to make connections so she can start her acting career which in turn will get her a man. God. This annoying banshee gets one invitation to the Emmys and all of a sudden she thinks she can be an actor.

“Kate has made her mind up that she’s going to be an actress and hopes her new profession will result in her finding a new man,” a Gosselin pal told the gossip website.

Having enjoyed her time as a reality star – thanks to runs on TLC’s “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ and ABC’s “Dancing with the Stars” – the single mother of eight reportedly wants to shift gears and focus on scripted TV work.

“The show she would really like to be cast in is ‘Mad Men,’” the source said in all seriousness.

That sound you hear is the laughter of a thousand execs and producers across the nation. The only show I’d watch Kate Gosselin in is “Kate Sews Her Womb Shut And Is Thrown Into A Volcano.” And it better not be on cable because there’s no way I’m going to pay extra for something that should be government sponsored.

In three weeks, there will be a big reunion of season 10′s cast of Dancing With the Stars. The only person not attending is Kate Gosselin. Because she wasn’t invited. Because everyone hates her.

An insider tells Popeater, “Her invite must have gotten lost in the mail. Of course she was not invited! We all became close during and after the show except Kate who hasn’t returned anyone’s calls or emails. You know it’s bad when even creepy bachelor, Jake Pavelka, gets invited but she doesn’t.”

They go on to say Kate hasn’t talked to anyone since the show, not even her dance partner who spent hours practicing with her. Popeater talked to a relationship expert who explained it’s because Kate is an opportunistic fame whore. He then went on to say that the sky was blue and fire is hot. That guy is really good at stating the obvious.

Pennsylvania state lawmaker, Rep. Thomas Murt, is looking to make a name for himself. Hence, why he’s questioning the validity of the work permits issued to Kate Gosselin’s 8 children. He wrote a letter to the state attorney general and labor secretary and he demands answers, dammit!

Rep. Thomas Murt says state law allows children under 7 to work in movies, but not television. Gosselin’s sextuplets are 6.

The Gosselins live in Wernersville, Pa. State labor officials said previously that TV producers should have obtained child work permits for the TLC show’s predecessor, “Jon & Kate Plus 8.” But no penalties were imposed.

I thought the whole point of having children was to have little slaves that ran around to do your bidding and if they can earn you a six figure salary, then kudos to them. Thomas Murt is probably jealous he doesn’t get to whore his stupid kids out on TLC. Meanwhile, Kate Gosselin says you’ll have to pry her children’s might-be-might-not-be-valid work permits from her cold, dead hands.

This bears repeating again because it’s hilarious. Kate Gosselin thinks she’s a big celebrity now so she went and stuck needles full of botox in her face (check out the pic here if you haven’t already). Now she looks like Lucifer or that server on The Simpsons that goes “Yeeeess? Yeeeees.” Us Weekly had this to say,

In the “after” photo, she “has the typical appearance of Dysport or Botox poorly placed in the space between the brows where frown lines occur,” adds Olding. But because Gosselin didn’t have any injectables put in her forehead, “the lateral part of her brow is elevated in an abnormally high position, which my patients refer to as McDonald’s arches!”

Explains NYC-based Dr. Steven Pearlman, “The center of her eyebrows are dropped and spread, which can happen from Botox treatment of the forehead frown lines.”

Pearlman believes Gosselin may have been injected in the shape of a “V” on her forehead, meaning the muscles near her temple weren’t affected “so they over act, giving this Jack Nicholson type of look! Her upper eyelids look a little hollow, which can be as a result of the brows being pulled upward.”

Gosselin’s surgeon is slammed by ScientificSkin.com owner Dr. Kenneth Beer: “This is a bad injection technique with poor placement. The injections were done in a cookbook pattern with no consideration for her particular anatomy. Her outer brow is too peaked, which gives her a devilish appearance.”

Luckily for Gosselin, the botched Botox “can be corrected by a few injections above her eyebrows to let them drop a bit,” says Dr. Tony Youn. “Or by just waiting a few months for the Botox effects to subside.”

Hey, look, Us Weekly. If Kate Gosselin wants to look like she just suffered a stroke, then let her do it. Who are we to tell her what she should and shouldn’t stick in her face. All we can do is point and laugh. And laugh. And laugh. And make fun of her for being such a delusional moron.

Early this year when Kate Gosselin was asked about a boob job, she responded, “Plastic surgery? Please. Who has time to even think about it, let alone do it?” Um, well, you, you stupid bitch. Wait. I shouldn’t say that. That’s mean. She’s done a lot for men by showing women bigger breasts are better.

On March 30, 2009 Kate got breast implants. In part because her body guard, Steve Neild, coaxed her into doing it. What a hero. “Kate was going to have one kind of breast augmentation, but she changed her mind after talking to Steve about what would look best.” Gosselin went from a size 4 shirt to a size 6 shirt.

Thank you, Steve, for making this whiny bitch tolerable. No longer do people have to endure hours of Kate crying “me, me, me.” They can just look at her tits until the noise stops. Steve did Kate’s future boyfriend/husband a great service.