Yesterday, photos of Katie Holmes looking a little bit pregnant, with either a baby or a food baby, surfaced. This started a deluge of rumors that Tom Cruise implanted his Scientology seed in her again. Holmes’ rep says that wasn’t the case and that the contract was only for one baby, dammit! Okay, so maybe she didn’t say the last part.

“She’s not pregnant and this photo looks doctored,” Ina Treciokas told E! News.

Ina should have added, “I can tell from some of the pixels and having seen quite a few shops in my time.” A good way to battle internet rumors in real life is to deny them using relevant internet memes thus turning the internet in on itself. The internet won’t know what hit it.

Katie Holmes’ play is failing. People are not singing praise for her Braodway debut in All My Sons. Ticket sales are underwhelming and no one knows who to blame.

“You can’t say it’s the economy,” says the source, “because there are shows, like ‘Mamma Mia’ that are selling out.” One possibility bandied about is that audiences are too nostalgic for Holmes’ “Dawson’s Creek” persona to clamor for tickets. “It’s not that Katie’s bad in the part. She’s good enough. The producers are just getting the feeling people still want to view Katie as sweet little Joey Potter.”

Oh yea. That’s it. Dawson’s Creek nostalgia. That show which ended five years ago is to blame for poor ticket sales and lack of buzz. Let’s overlook the fact that as an actor, Katie Holmes is adequate at best. No one was clamoring to go see First Daughter or Pieces of April either and her performance in Batman Begins was derided by the public. I’m sure now that Katie Holmes is in a Broadway show people will forget about all that and decide to go see the now devoid of any sexuality Katie in a play with no explosions or Christian Bale, two things that obviously hindered her amazing acting ability.

Tom Cruise has been denying Katie Holmes everything leaving Katie crying over the phone for hours to Victoria Beckham. Of course, Victoria knows first hand how Tom can be as he has been pestering her to join his made up religion. Us writes,

“Victoria is sick and tired of Tom being on her back about Scientology,” says the source. “Victoria is an old-fashioned British woman who believes in God. She finds it quite rude that Tom is bugging her so much. Not too long ago, Tom left 18 messages in one hour to get them to join the church.”

18 messages. Each time angrier than the last. By the final one, it’s nothing but threats of not saving her a seat on his UFO and no more free e-meter readings. Nada. Zilch. He won’t even let Victoria donate her millions or let her participate in the annual tentacle rape. That’s Scientology for ya.

Katie Holmes is finding it hard to make her great comeback due to Tom Cruise and his belief in Scientology which studios consider to be a liability. Holmes could not find a way into Batman Begins since she has committed herself to Mad Money co-starring Queen Latifah.

Relegated to films with Queen Latifah. How the mighty have fallen. That’s what I would say if Katie Holmes was ever mighty. Sure, some might consider her linchpin role in Batman Begins and fawning character in Dawson’s Creek mighty, but these people are idiots who deserve their meaningless lives of endless self flagellation.