Kate Hudson and Matt Bellamy were coming home from the gym in London when all of a sudden the paparazzi appeared. “Quick! What do?,” Matt thought. Always quick on the feet, Matt  put a plastic bag over his head. But his plan backfired because this is exactly what the paparazzi wanted. Luckily, Matt had enough foresight to cut a hole in it so he wouldn’t suffocate. Now that would have been embarrassing.

Kate Hudson might be demure but her crotch sure isn’t. It was all like, “Look at me!,” when it stepped into a car in London after dinner with her husband Matt Bellamy. Kate Hudson’s vagina is such an attention whore.

Kate Hudson’s husband Matt Bellamy revealed their baby’s name on Twitter. Matt wrote, “So happy! Just had a baby boy, Bingham “Bing” Hawn Bellamy. Born 7Ib 12Oz, on 9th July.”

There’s no other reason to nickname you’re kid Bing unless you were sponsored by Microsoft or really wanted him to see the inside of a toilet.

Both Victoria Beckham and Kate Hudson gave birth over the weekend.

Victoria and David Beckham named their daughter, who was born Sunday morning in LA, Harper Seven Beckham. She follows her siblings Vanity Six Beckham and Marie Five Beckham. No, just kidding. Her brothers are Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz but what a dumb middle name anyway. The only reason you should name your kid after a number is if you’re going to have trouble remembering like OctoMom.

Meanwhile, Kate Hudson gave birth to a healthy baby boy on Saturday in LA. Kate had a hunch she was having a girl when she scientifically put a pendulum over her belly and noted if it swung back and forth or in a circle. Turns out science screwed her over as her new son will be joining her 7.5 year old, Ryder Russell. There’s no name yet but because since she’s so logical, she probably wrote a bunch of letters on a piece of paper, put them in a hat and named him with five letters she picked out.

Pregnant Kate Hudson went to Buenos Aires with her boyfriend Matt Bellamy and a few friends. While there, she had herself a glass of red wine (picture over at Popeater). Now everyone is up in arms because “why won’t anyone think of the children baby?!”

Some believe drinking in moderation while pregnant is fine but a contrarian OB-GYN says, “Right now, no one really knows what amount of alcohol is harmful for the fetus, so it’s recommended that you don’t drink at all during pregnancy.”

Next thing you know he’s going to tell women they shouldn’t be doing coke while pregnant either. Well, answer me this, Mr. Smarty Pants. How else are they supposed to make their baby fast? Hmm?!

Kate Hudson, 31, and Muse frontman Matthew Bellamy, 32, have been dating for nine months. Now Kate is 14 weeks pregnant.

A source tells Us, “It was not planned, but they are excited and embracing it.” Adds the source, “She is happy for Ryder to finally have a brother or sister.”

*Face palm* Haven’t these heathens ever heard of a condom. What was Matthew expecting when he played Russian Roulette with his sperm? Six months. That’s how long he needs to mess a good thing up.

Kate Hudson is supposedly pissed at Cameron Diaz for getting her sloppy seconds. Alex Rodriguez recently hooked up with Cameron Diaz after he split with Kate in December.

A source says Kate believes this is payback for when she dated Justin Timberlake in 2007 after he and Cameron broke up. She also says Cameron is an aging actress trying to stay relevant.

Page Six reported last month that the A-Rod/Diaz affair was “casual, with neither pushing for commitment,” and that the third baseman had also been linked to a bevy of Miami beauties. But even that was apparently too much for Hudson, who was constantly at Yankee Stadium last year, cheering on her then-boyfriend. Superstitious Bombers fans even heaped praise on Hudson for A-Rod’s clutch playoff performance.

“Kate thinks it’s payback, pure and simple,” the insider told Us Weekly. But things have been tense between the women for some time. Hudson has been happy to remind pals that she scored a coveted spot in the musical “Nine” that Diaz had craved.

A pal of Diaz’s scoffed at any barbs Hudson might fire Cameron’s way: “She [Diaz] thinks it’s a joke Kate would be mad . . . Kate is only upset because she hates being single.”

Ladies, ladies. There’s only one way to settle this argument. In my backyard. Where there’s a tub. Full of Jell-O. Two will enter. Only one will leave. Hopefully topless. Rawr!

I still can’t decide whether or not Kate Hudson got a boob job. I will just have to add these to my evidence collection.

Millions of Americans want to know: Did Kate Hudson get her breasts did? (Those are the exact words they use) The answer, of course, is how the hell am I supposed to know? You think I’m a plastic surgeon or something? Look, I’ve stared at hundreds of breasts, thousands even, but does that make me an expert or just some pervert at the library? It’s definitely not the former and hopefully, after I make my case to the judge, not the latter either. You should figure it out for yourself. I can’t hold your hand your whole life, you know.

Jessica Alba and Kate Hudson were at the premiere for The Killer Inside Me getting frisky with each other. I have no idea why Jessica looks like she’s molesting Kate, but I like it. I like it… a lot. And I’m not going to assume she’s just keeping Kate’s dress down because of the wind because that would be just silly and far less titillating.

There’s speculation going around today that Kate Hudson is pregnant based on her increased breast and stomach size after pictures of her in a see-through shirt started floating around.

I’m not so sure though. She could be pregnant or she might be on the Britney Spears diet plan which basically follows the mantra “if it’s cooked in grease, eat it.” Last week she was pigging out by the pool. She just sort of looked fat there. Like she gave up on life. Then again, yea. There could also be a baby kicking around in there. I don’t know. What? I’m supposed to be a doctor now?

[Pacific Coast News]

I didn’t notice this yesterday because I was too distracted by Kate Hudson’s shoveling of food in her mouth, but now that Us mentions it, yea, Kate does look like she got a boob job. If you’ll remember, Kate used to to be so flat that if she went topless at the beach, people would confuse her for a 10-year-old boy (proof here).

Now she looks like a real woman. An insider tells Us that Kate got a small breast augmentation in late March. Another source says, “Kate makes jokes about her boobs, but her chest has always been one of her biggest insecurities.”

More girls should follow Kate’s example and cave into the pressures of society. Especially if that means getting bigger breasts. At least a C cup. The world would be a much better (and sexier) place.

A little bacon grease spilling out of Kate Hudson’s mouth and splotches of cool whip all over her legs and video of her pointing at waiters with that half gnawed chicken bone in her hand telling them to “bring cake!” like a modern day Jabba the Hut would make these pictures ten times hotter. Also, if more belly fat could spill over her bikini bottoms, that’d be even better.