Kate Moss hit up the Dazed & Confused 20th birthday party in London yesterday. It wasn’t BYOB but Kate did anyway, carrying wine from another party she was at earlier. Not a bottle of wine to share with everyone either. Just a glass of it for herself. I’m pretty sure if you frisked her, you’d find 3 flasks and a half empty bottle of vodka sticking out of her butt.

Kate Moss went topless diving yesterday on her yacht in St. Tropez. But who cares about her 10-year-old boy tits anymore. No one needs to see that.

Instead, people need to see these pictures of Kate Moss pushing a kid into the water on the way to her yacht. God knows why she did it. Probably because there wasn’t a homeless person to kick in the face and she needed something to fill the void.

You can tell the boy had no idea what was coming and probably cried, “Whyyy?!,” in mid-fall. Of course, his question went unanswered because Kate Moss and friends were too busy laughing at him. Haha, stupid kid. You like apples? Well how you like ‘dem apples?

Kate Moss was getting into a car on Thursday in London, England and, well, let’s just say the Panty Alert Color yesterday was Purple, apparently.

Kate Moss lit up a cigarette after leaving a pub last night showing everyone why she deserves to have “supermodel” in front her name. She’s a natural beauty with the face of an angel. Trampled on by a unicorn.

A drunk Kate Moss stumbled into a sex shop, fell over twice, squirted lube all over the floor and start slapping the side of her face with a dildo all before simulating oral sex with it. Sounds like a Tuesday. Take it away, News of the World:

BOOZED-UP bride-to-be Kate Moss bought NINE sex toys and went wild on an outrageous X-rated visit to a saucy Soho shop. Kate, 36, who fell over TWICE, kept yelling at the top of her voice: “I’m horny and I’m in a sex shop.”

An onlooker told us: “She was totally trolleyed and collapsed on the floor after looking at a popper called Rush which was opened in the shop. Then she started squirting strawberry flavour lube all over the place and playing with a big black sex toy. She was hitting the side of her face with it. Then she put her mouth over it, simulating oral sex, and rubbed it up and down after smothering it with lube.”

True story. One time one of my friends slapped another one of my friends in the face with a 9 inch dildo and he held his jaw in pain so it’s impressive that Kate Moss could take that many shots to the face without so much as a whimper. The only people I thought capable of that was gay Superman and Paris Hilton.

That headline should really be the other way around. Kate Moss had sex with Courtney Love. Right now it makes it seem like Courtney was the one people wanted to have sex with.

In an interview with Hot Press, Courtney hinted that she and Kate Moss did it once in the 90′s. Not only that. Kate Moss was sober so there were no drugs to help suppress the memory.

“It was Kate Moss. She doesn’t care.” Love then adds, “It’s a great story for the grandchildren so . . . yeah. Kate wasn’t doing a lot of drugs. It was just a thing that happened in Milan in the ‘90s. It happened and it was fun and whatever. And she talks about it and so I hope she doesn’t get mad that I outed her about it… I feel like such a kiss and tell… Kate’s great, though! Kate’s a good friend of mine. I almost bought Kate’s house in St. John’s Wood (London).”

A sexual experience with Courtney Love is on a list of horrifying things that I never want to happen to me. It’s right up there with falling into a pit of poisonous snakes, being shot in the leg with a flaming arrow and dressing up like a donut in front of Khloe Kardashian.

By internet standards, this is pretty old but issue three of Love magazine is out and if you love models, especially naked models, you’ll want to see this. Love magazine managed to trick girls like Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell, Lara Stone and Kristen McMenamy among others into posing nude for them. Obviously they were more successful than I was. Except mine wasn’t a trick, it was more of a pretending to fall over and grabbing onto their dresses in hopes that it’d rip off. NSFW obviously. Gallery starts here.

Fifteen years ago, telling people that Kate Moss got a topless rubdown from another chick on a yacht would have sparked the imaginations of millions of men. Now, not so much. That’s because 15 years ago Kate Moss wouldn’t have been an over the hill mother and if she was, we wouldn’t have had the technology to be able to capture the depressing pictures of an over the hill mother getting rubbed down by her equally over the hill friend. These photos are all kinds of disappointing.

Fatty Kate Moss sashayed into a birthday party for one of her friends in London when her flab yearned to be free and split open the side of her dress. She ended up staying at the party and partying it off.

For months there have been rumors of a pregnancy for Kate and I’m sure this little snafu doesn’t help. Also not helping is trying to fit into a dress two sizes too small while looking like a starving child from a third world country with a distended and swollen belly. Even Click Clack from Ethiopia said, “Uh-uh, girlfriend. This ain’t workin’,” when he saw this picture.

[NYDN]

Kate Moss and her bloat were in Paris doing a photo shoot for Yves Saint Lauren when her nipple threatened to expose itself. I was looking at this and I was hoping for when it popped out because I’m positive there would have been a twaning sound.

Later on in London, Kate made good on her threat and fully exposed her nipple. Someone needs to send her clothes that fit. I’ve seen rappers wearing less baggy outfits.

Kate Moss pretends to be a ninja

Following weeks of speculation, News of the World confirms that Kate Moss is pregnant with her second child. The father being Jamie Hince. Already three months pregnant, Moss is believed to be due in August and is expected to officially announce the pregnancy soon.

Last night, a source close to the model said: “It’s true. Kate is pregnant. She’s overjoyed at the news.

“She’s past the 12-week stage so she’s telling more and more people. Her friends are delighted for her.”

Three months pregnant? That can’t be right. Just last month Kate seemed to be stumbling out of clubs drunk. Her baby is probably floating in a mixture of 50% alcohol, 50% coke right now. At this rate, the kid’s going to come out already bent over a mirror with a rolled up twenty in one hand and a bottle of JD in the other. It’ll look more like Amy Winehouse’s long lost twin than a newborn.

Cool! I didn’t know they had drunk vision for cameras. It really emphasizes how intoxicated Kate Moss is and lets the viewer imagine how she’s going to go home and pass out on her kid, pinning her between the floor and a quart of fresh vomit.

Kate Moss says that her daughter loves the smell of gas so much that when she fills up at the station, she leaves the car door open so her daughter, Lila Grace, can sniff it. Moss jokingly said, “I’ve heard it is one of the most preferred scents in the world — maybe that’s something to study for my next fragrance.”

Good mothers encourage their child’s hobbies be it baseball or sniffing inhalants. Never underestimate your children. Today she may be killing off pieces of her brain, tomorrow she might be running for office sprinting head first into walls and going into epileptic seizures. My point is, kids are idiots and so is Kate Moss.