Cat fight! Cat fight! Back when Titanic came out, every girl fell in love with Leonardo DiCpario, but not Kate Winslet. They just called her fat. Look who’s fat now! Kate Winslet was doing press for Titanic 3D on Daybreak the other day and joked that she looks way better than Leonardo DiCaprio. Then she pushed up her nose and made a bunch of oinking noises. Alright, that didn’t happen but whatever.

‘We do look very different, we’re older. Leo’s 37, I’m 36 – we were 21 and 22 when we made that film. You know, he’s fatter now – I’m thinner. It’s true though!’ The Dailiy Mail

She’s probably just bitter that James Cameron somehow duped her into doing press for Titanic 3D (3D boobs!) and Leo managed to wiggle out of it. Which is ironic cause you wouldn’t expect him to be able to wiggle out of anything on account of him being such a fatass.

To clarify, it’s not Celine Dion herself but her infamous Titanic track “My Heart Will Go On” that played continuously for five years after the movie came out. That is what makes Kate Winslet sick and what makes her do a “massive internal eye roll” whenever someone surprises her with it. She tells MTV News:

‘I feel like throwing up when I hear it. No, I shouldn’t say that. No, actually, I do feel like throwing up.
‘I wish I could say, “Oh listen, everybody! It’s the Celine Dion song!” But I don’t.
‘I just have to sit there, you know, kind of straight-faced with a massive internal eye roll.’ The Daily Mail

Even though she throws up in her mouth a little every time the song perforates her eardrums, Kate has nothing but good things to say about Titanic and what it’s done for her career. Because of that movie, she can pick and choose her roles and due to the huge success, she doesn’t even have to work that hard. It’s sort of like selling your soul to the devil but without that pesky eternity in Hell thing.

Since splitting with Sam Mendes, Kate Winslet has been leaving a trail of half-eaten hearts. Her most recent ex, Louis Dowler, was so heart broken, he went to Radar Online and cried his little model eyes out.

According to her recent ex, model Louis Dowler, he was stunned when she dumped him, and still can’t get over the loss. “I don’t think Kate behaved well and it is still very raw for me,” Dowler told the Daily Mail about his breakup with the 35-year-old actress. “I was in love with her and you can’t switch that off over night,” he said.

Dowler shared that the two went on what should have been a romantic trip to Sir Richard Branson’s luxurious Necker Island, but after leaving the vacation Kate promptly ended the relationship.

“I’m not sure Kate treated me well,” Dowler said. He rehashed the relationship, detailing the intimate events they shared. “Kate came home with me to Cornwall and we just hung out together. She met my parents and family.” Going on to claim: “I don’t want to go into details but it wasn’t a straightforward break-up. I’m a laid-back guy, so I am not walking around with a long face — but I do still hold a torch for her.” Radar Online

Hey, Dowler, you ever thought that Kate dumped you because you were a pathetic whiny b*tch who lept at the first opportunity to make some money off the relationship? If I was Kate, I’d have dumped you too. There’s only room for one pu**y in a relationship.

7 years of marriage and one child later, Kate Winslet and husband Sam Mendes have split. Reps say “The split is entirely amicable and is by mutual agreement. Both parties are fully committed to the future joint parenting of their children.”

This just proves that having Leonardo DiCaprio bang your wife while you film is never a good idea. The only thing that can come from that is resentment and tricking Leo into thinking that you need to film him falling into a pit of spikes and then being doused with gasoline as it is an integral part of the movie.

Kate Winslet showed up for this Academy Award thing. Here she is doing her best impression of Oscar. Her hands need to be a little higher, but other than that, I give her a 7. 2 for effort and +5 for those tits I never knew she had.

Kate Winslet used to get naked at the drop of a hat, but now promises she will never do another nude scene again. The 33-year-old actress told Time magazine that she doesn’t want to be known as “that girl.”

“I think I won’t do it again: A. I can’t keep getting away with it, and B. I don’t want to become ‘that actress who always gets her kit off.’”

Whatever. Her tits were never that great to begin with. They look like the ears of a basset hound. If you ever wanted to watch her breasts heave, you could just go to a dog park. Megan Fox on the other hand. If she said this, I might have to kill myself because life would become meaningless.

Kate Winslet has long been the voice of the fat girl not willing to succumb to the pressures of thin Hollywood. In February 2003, Kate even apologized for her retouched GQ magazine shoot saying she didn’t want people to think she was a hypocrite and had no intention of looking like the digitally slimmed photos of her.

Fast forward to today and Kate is once again under scrutiny for her recent Vanity Fair shoot. This time The Daily Mail asks an airbrush artist to examine Kate’s latest photos. His conclusion? LAWL! Photochopped!

The face: ‘There is no real detail in her face. Any detail or wrinkles have been removed. There are no eye bags, contours and smile lines.

‘The whites of her eyes have been cleaned up and are now a really clean, crisp white. I’d say her lips have possibly been made slightly fuller as well.’

The skin: ‘Her skin has generally been retouched all over so she has no lines or blemishes at all. Her skin is completely perfect.’

The hands and feet: ‘There are no wrinkles or lines or veins on her hands and feet and this just is not natural.’

The figure: ‘Her back and lower body have been pinched in to make her look thinner and to give her some curves.

‘Her bottom has been rounded off so it looks nice and pert. I would be very surprised if her bottom was like that naturally. Her thigh appears to have been made slimmer so it appears more toned.

‘And in the shot of her sitting down on the front cover, it’s possible her legs were made slightly thinner so they also appear more toned.’

Kate’s rep denies this and tells PEOPLE: “Kate is furious at suggestions that her body has been airbrushed.”

Whatever. Magazines airbrush photos. It’s a fact. There’s no way Vanity Fair is going to put a baggy-eyed, wrinkly Kate Winslet on their cover. They sell magazines, not body image. Who wants to buy an issue with an ugly fatty on the cover. If people want to see a natural Kate Winslet with all her blemishes, they’re just going to have to do what I do and install a spycam in her shower.

Immature guys like me can never get their mind out of the gutter and often look for double entendres in everything people say. It makes the day go by faster. This is a good one to end the week with. Kate Winslet talked to EW about how it was weird to have her husband direct a sex scene between her and her best friend, DiCaprio, in their upcoming film, Revolutionary Road and how she was pleasantly surprised that the chemistry was still there.

“I hadn’t realized how much my chemistry with him since Titanic would still stick,” she said. “It’s great to discover we can just slip right into it, like muscle memory.”

Kate probably insisted on penetration. For realism, of course. Serious actor and all that.

Kate Winslet is so frustrated over Hollywood’s obsession with skinny women that she has banned any mention of weight or body image in her house. Kate says she loves her voluptuous figure and feels that she should maintain her healthy weight because she’s a role model for young girls. She’s also mystified over people’s fascination with Nicole Richie. Well, it seems that if she doesn’t get it, then she must have too much fat crowding her brain and I don’t want to be childish, but…fatty fat fat fat.

The trailer for The Holiday has appeared.

A woman plagued by man trouble finds her fortune improves when she befriends an Englishwoman while on vacation.

My reactions during the trailer include hopes rising as Kate Winslet appeared, but then hope seemed lost as Cameron Diaz popped up, then hope only rose back a little to see Jack Black and Jude Law are both in it. Then disgust as I find out that Jack Black is Winslet’s lover.

Looks like Cameron Diaz is reprising her role from In Her Shoes. Typecast anyone?

Kate Winslet on the set of The Holiday.