Katherine Heigl went to the gym in LA on Thursday and, um, who carries a big ol’ purse to the gym? What’s she got in there? Cookies? I bet it’s cookies.

A report by The National Enquirer (I’ll wait until you stop laughing) says Katherine Heigl snatched up a second baby, an 8-day-old girl from Louisiana, in early April.

“The whole adop­tion process for Katherine and Josh’s second child was like a covert operation,” re­vealed a source.

“As soon as they got the word the baby was born, Katherine and Josh flew from California to Loui­siana to pick up their new daughter.

“Mm, this will go great with the other one in my brick oven,” Katherine said.

“But they didn’t want to let the cat out of the bag too soon about their new little girl.”

Katherine wanted the infant to have a chance to get acclimated to her new family and surroundings before she introduced her to the world.

“To keep the whole thing under wraps, a friend sat with their baby five rows in back of them on the plane trip back to Los Angeles,” said the source.

Sounds like a metaphor for how that kid will be raised for the rest of her life. January Jones knows what I’m talking about.

“I’m a dad again! Can you believe it? I’m so happy! I know there will be a lot of sleepless nights coming up for me and Katherine, but I don’t care. I’m tickled pink!”

No. I can’t, nay, I won’t believe any self-respecting man would ever use the phrase “I’m tickled pink!” Unless he said it about 10 octaves higher than normal and screamed something about how fabulous he’s going to make her look.

Update: Us Weekly confirms.

Hopefully this is the start of a new feature where I go over all the photoshoots we missed this day/week.

- To start off, here’s the hottest bisexual in Hollywood, Amber Heard, posing for Women’s Health.

- Bar Refaeli gets wet in GQ.

- Daisy Lowe also did a spread for GQ. But hers was for GQ Germany.

- Jennifer Garner sat down with In Style.

- Here’s the pinnacle of JWoww’s life. Her spread in Maxim. She might as well kill herself now because this is as good as her life is gonna get.

- Katherine Heigl proves to everyone she’s not a man-hating shrew in her I Hate Balls campagin. Wait, I meant the opposite.

- Miranda Kerr posed half-naked for Grazia.

- I don’t know who Olga Fonda is but she looks hot as hell in FHM.

- And a few pics from Olivia Munn’s shoot for Maxim.

Say what you will about Katherine Heigl (annoying, pretentious, bitch, annoying pretentious bitch) but she sure knows how to dress. Wait, let me amend that. Katherine Heigl sure knows how to dress at the AMAs. Here she is in a capital V neck dress at last nights awards show.

Is there an AMA rule book that says celebrities need to show X amount of cleavage in order to gain entrance? Because if there isn’t, there should be. I think that’d be really sweet.

I don’t believe the Fame labeled these pictures of Katherine Heigl as stylish or hot without breaking out in hysterical laughter. What the hell is she wearing? She looks like a flying nun. She looks ridiculous. I swear her stylist is just playing a cruel practical joke on her. Or if they aren’t, maybe this is why a lot of celebrities need stylists. So they don’t end up looking like this.

Katherine Heigl should teach people how to make friends because she’s very good at it. That was a joke, of course. Katherine Heigl is actually an inconsiderate ass. I swear, if God didn’t make her somewhat tolerable by giving her big boobs…

During a Saturday performance of The Book of Mormon, Heigl and her mother showed up 20 minutes late. Guests seated in her row had to get up to let her in. Ten minutes later her husband, Josh Kelley, showed up and everyone had to move again so he could get to his seat next to her.

Attendees also said the “Grey’s Anatomy” actress “wore big dark sunglasses and discreetly bent down and puffed on an electronic cigarette during the show.” Heigl’s rep had no comment. [Page Six]

Were the big, dark sunglasses so people wouldn’t recognize her? Because those aren’t a good disguise if you’re the only one wearing them in a dark theatre and drawing attention to yourself by puffing on an e-cig. It’s always amazing how dumb some people are. Hey, let’s disguise ourselves by dressing as flamboyantly as possible! What could go wrong?

Here’s Katherine Heigl walking through Beverly Hills dressed as a haute cotoure cowgirl. This wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for that menacing new slicked back hair she has. It just makes her look bitchy. Like if you were talking to her, you’d grimace in pain as her shrieking pierced your ear drums.

Katherine Heigl, her black bikini, her green bikini and the electronic cigarette she uses to help quit smoking went to Miami beach with her husband Josh Kelly on Friday. Sadly, none of those things distracted from what she looked like when the wind blew through her hair. For whatever reason, the only thing I could think of was the Nicolas Cage bird hair meme (here). That and her cackling maniacally like Cruella de Vil, pointing in the direction of a couple walking their Dalmatian and shouting “you shall make a fine coat!”

Katherine Heigl debuted her new super short platinum haircut today while out in LA. Normally, that would be the only way to describe it but in this case “bitchy” strangely works too.

Katherine Heigl and her husband Josh Kelley were in their hot tub Monday night when they’re neighbor started cursing them out over the fence complaining about the noise. Heigl says the neighbor has a history of noise complaints. Heigl’s security called the cops who spoke with the couple before realizing that this was stupid and left.

I’d probably complain too if I had to listen to Heigl nagging her husband in her high pitched squeal while they fool around in the hot tub. Sex with Heigl must be terrifying. She probably sounds like that drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket telling Josh to, “Put it in here, you pussy!”

Note that she came out to greet the cops in her bikini. Rawr. Video at TMZ.

Katherine Heigl says she’ll pledge $1 million of her own money to spay and neutering campaigns around Los Angeles to help increase awareness of and hopefully curb over-breeding. Apparently rounding up puppies in a bucket and throwing them into a river isn’t the preferred choice anymore. *Looks into river* *Shrugs*

“What’s happening is not only inhumane and morally reprehensible, it’s economically irresponsible,” Heigl said. “Killing is not a solution.”

Katherine Heigl is a hoity-toity bitch who’s high on herself and thinks she’s the second coming of Jesus but at least her heart is in the right place. On a pedestal above the hearts of others. You know, because she donated $1 million while you just sat there not donating $1 million you stupid jerk.

Ashton Kutcher is not a good actor. He’s a fairly good model on occasion but he’s about as good at acting as Jessica Simpson is at self-control. Meanwhile, Katherine Heigl is a total bitch that no one likes. Which is why I just nodded my head unsympathetically when Lionsgate CEO Jon Feltheimer said Killers, starring Ashton and Katherine, was the major reason for their horrible first quarter. This in spite of its enormous marketing budget.

Lionsgate said on Monday that it lost $64.1 million during its fiscal 2011 first quarter, with overall revenue driven down, in part, by a declines in home entertainment revenues — a result of producing fewer theatrical films last year — and higher marketing costs to promote three wide releases.

The studio also attributed the rough quarter to the “underperformance” of “Killers” starring Ashton Kutcher. (The Wrap)

The lesson learned is if studios ever put Ashton Kutcher or Katherine Heigl in a leading role again, they might as well slap M. Night Shyamalan’s name on the credits so there will be no mistake that they’re attempting career suicide.

Katherine Heigl is so damn annoying. Even her husband thinks so because he’s mentally checked out of their relationship. At least that’s my understanding after reading her interview in Parade. She says she’s nagged her husband John Kelly so much that he’s stopped listening. He probably goes to his happy place whenever Katherine starts criticizing him. Six feet underground in a steel coffin which Katherine’s shrill voice can’t pierce through. From Parade:

“I’d be a terrible secret agent. I can’t keep a secret and I’m not sneaky. Though I have to say I am very good at hiding. I can hide, and my husband’s just terrible at finding me. I do like to jump out from behind doors and scare him,” Heigl says.

Katherine Heigl surprised Grey’s Anatomy fans with a sudden departure from the hit series, but she’s keeping busy on the big screen. In Killers, Heigl takes on her first action role opposite Ashton Kutcher. After she discovers his secret life as a government assassin, she ends up joining him to take out some bad guys from his past.

“There are some things that if you say them out loud it will hurt the other person’s feelings,” Katherine says. “I tend to say them anyway because I think it’s better to be honest. I gave Josh [husband Josh Kelley] a really hard time recently because he got this new haircut for a photo on the country album he’s releasing. I really didn’t like it, even though everybody else loved it. I was like, ‘You don’t look like you. You’re really sexy, you’re a manly man and this is kind of a metrosexual look.’ Finally, he just stopped listening to me.”

Ashton was honest with her.
“He was really mad at me because I wouldn’t do my own stunts. He was only partly joking when he said that I probably even think running is a stunt. Actually, I do, because it’s dangerous. I have bad feet and I have weak ankles. If you have to do it over and over again, you can hurt yourself. Anyway, Ashton was always just rolling his eyes at me.”

At least she’s feeling confident as a mom.
“It could all turn to crap when my daughter turns 13 or something. But, I think as of right now, we are so into it and confident as parents like, ‘We’re in charge.’ We’re the cliche, typical couple who’s talking about poopie diapers and stuff. We’re always communicating about those more than we probably talk about anything else. I know we’ll eventually chill out.”

What she can’t get right.
“I keep kind of making certain mistakes in public appearances over and over again. I was on Letterman the other night, and I always choose a dress that’s impossible to sit in. It looks great standing, but then you sit and you are like, ‘Oh, my God. All my cellulite is showing.’ So you have to sit like a statue. I keep forgetting the lesson I learned: just wear pants.”

I can see why Ashton would want her to do her own stunts. There’s always a chance of a mistimed step leading to her being hit by a bus. Although, that might not be a good thing. The upside is the nagging would finally stop. The downside is the studio’s insurance premiums would go through the roof.