Katie Price admitted to the Mirror that she has slept with her boyfriend, Alex Reid, while he was dressed as his alter-ego, Roxanne. She made sure to include it wasn’t like lesbian sex “because he has men’s bits,” as if lesbian sex is crossing the line for her. Katie also shared, “When I split with Pete, I was completely off sex….But I can tell you, Alex has sent my sex drive through the roof.” To be honest, I don’t really know who these people are. I saw a headline that read, “Katie slept with Roxanne” and was suckered into reading an article about tranny sex. I thought I’d share the wealth. You’re welcome.

Jordan aka Katie Price earlier revealed that she was raped multiple times when she was younger. Today, she told OK! Magazine (via The Sun) that her husband, Peter Andre, who she’s separated from, knows who did it. Peter, however, has claimed he knows nothing about any rape.

“A famous celebrity raped me and Peter knows who it was. It was years ago before I was with Pete, and my friends and family knew about it at the time.”

Asked why Pete said he didn’t know anything about it, Katie added: “I have no idea. He’s not the Pete I knew any more. He’s being really cruel when he knows exactly who did it.”

When asked why she didn’t report it to the police, Katie said she didn’t want to talk about it ever again. Good idea. The best way to deal with painful memories is to suppress them allowing them to fester in the back of your mind until they manifest into something else entirely. Talking through traumatic experiences is for sissies.

Katie Price divorced her husband Peter Andre a few months ago, but you’ll be glad to know that she’s bounced back from her failed marriage rather quickly. Here she is in Spain relaxing topless in a pool with a guy. I wonder what her secret was to get over Peter. Could it involve banging people not named Peter Andre? Yes, I believe so.

Click the header for the gallery.

Katie Price aka Jordan was 10 weeks pregnant when she found out her baby had died and only a few weeks before she and Jordan broke up. Doctors told her the fetus’ heart had stopped beating during a scan in London. Still hopeful after discovering high levels of a hormone produced by the embryo, Jordan went in again for a followup. Sadly, the baby had died.

Jordan said: “I went in thinking, ‘He’s going to be great, he’s going to see a heartbeat.’ And it was on the screen and you know they poke the thing around, he said, ‘No it’s, it’s died, it’s gone.’”

Jordan says this wasn’t why he and Peter broke up. The reason for that was Peter thought she was cheating on him with her horse trainer Andrew Gould.

While Jordan may feel comfortable talking about this, Peter isn’t. His spokeswoman said: “It was Peter’s child as well and Peter is devastated and deeply disappointed that Kate has chosen to speak out about this and their marriage. It is a private matter.”

Aww, poor thing. What could of caused this? Was it Paris Hilton? I bet that bitch Paris had to something to do with this.

Leave it up to dumb celebrities to go out in public wearing this crap. She wasn’t even at the beach. It looked like this is what she shops in. How do people around her keep a straight face?

Before Katie Price left the house, one of her friends should have had the sense to smack her on the nose with a rolled up newspaper and go, “No! Nnnnnooooo! Bad Katie! Bad!”

That title is a little misleading. Katie Price is always on vacation. That’s actually how she makes money. By being on vacation. In a sense, that makes her a very hard worker. This kind of makes me wish I didn’t spend four years in college passed out over a textbook. I can’t even remember the last time I used physics. Maybe it was when I tried to figure out why my instant noodles weren’t heating up. Can microwaves not heat tears? I mean, why should I care about kinetic energy and static friction. I just care that the car starts up and takes me across the border before the girl I got pregnant figures out she’s sleeping next to two pillows.

Katie Price, the big breasted English reality tv sensation (is sensation the right word?), went back to the UK to visit friends in her hometown. This included spending Mother’s Day eve in a drunken stupor and ending the night passed out over a table in an all-night cafe in Brighton. Just in time for actual Mother’s Day!

The model, who now writes her own children’s books, spent the Saturday night partying with three friends at the Oceana nightclub where they downed champagne and cocktails.

At one point she climbed into the DJ booth and began slurring down the microphone, ‘Hello Brighton! I love you all, this is my hometown and I love it here!’

At 4am, the group left looking bleary-eyed and headed to 24-hour seafront cafe, Buddies, to continue the festivities.

Customers looked on in shock as she reportedly began throwing food at her friends.

An onlooker said: ‘She looked totally out of it. She could barely stand up when she was in the cafe. By the very end, she had stopped drinking and asked the waiter to bring her a hot chocolate.

‘She left some money for a tip but it was literally about 10p, despite being a millionaire. She would have had a huge hangover on Mother’s Day and I imagine spent a lot of time recovering in bed.’

Did I read that correctly? Katie Price writes children’s books? What life lessons can she possibly teach kids? Beer before liquor makes the panties come off quicker? That the fastest way to get what you want is to get double D’s and pose topless? Reading her book is like giving a 10 year old birth control. Yea, the message is there, but it’s six years too soon.

It’s just as well Katie Price’s son can’t see. He would have been blind after looking at his mom in this get-up anyway. Judging by these pictures, you’d think she was the autistic one. If she put on any more pink, flamingos would try to rape her. Even Mickey Rourke would snap his fingers in the air and say, “Uh uh, honey.”

Okay, maybe not.

If you couldn’t tell due to the massive tits obscuring the photos, this is Katie Price shopping at Babies ‘R Us. Such fitting attire for a baby store. Nothing says “I’m shopping for my kid” like bending over to show off your huge breasts for a photog. I bet if you dressed Katie Price in a garbage bag, you still wouldn’t be able to cover up her cleavage.

I’m all for a girl with a nice rack, however fake it may be, using it to pedal her wares but there is a limit to my patience. Here’s Katie Price at the launch of her nightwear line testing mine. As you can see, she’s posing in front of a polar bear which looks to have been killed while trying to protect the cub being held in its lifeless arms. Pardon my ignorance but I don’t see how the imagery of slaughtered Arctic wildlife failing to save its young is a good way to get people to buy your pj’s.

Unless you’re seducing Scrooge McDuck, it’s inadvisable to do what Katie Price did to her lips. If I was on a bench and Katie walked by me, my first thought would be to throw bread crumbs at her.

Katie “Jordan” Price modeled her new lingerie line the other day with the help of six girls from her fan club. As you can clearly see, the lingerie will cater to all shapes and sizes.

I’d like to play a game. After looking at these pictures, who do you think feels the most uncomfortable? Is it A) Jordan B) Her fan club or C) Me. If you chose C, you’d be correct.

Fun, maybe not true, fact: Everyone in this picture is sucking in their stomach. Even the girl on the far right.

I still don’t know who Katie Price is or what she does despite people’s rabid attempts to educate me. All I know is that she flashed her panties yesterday and that’s good enough for me. I want to tell her to quit being retarded and act like a mother, but I think that would be kind of mean because her kid is actually retarded. Besides, who am I to tell a girl not to make a fool of herself. Especially one that bears such a striking resemblance to a Real Doll.