Keira Knightley practiced her sex faces in a mirror for two days straight to nail a scene in A Dangerous Method where she’s violently spanked. As if there were any other kind of spanking. She eventually showed them to director David Cronenberg over Skype to see which one he liked.

“It was a huge part of what Sabina was doing a lot of the time. So I asked psychoanalysts about it and they said, ‘Sex and anything like that is trying to release energy, trying to release pent-up emotion’.
“So I worked with that and sat in my bathroom and pulled faces at myself for about two days, trying to figure out what it was going to be.
“Then I got on Skype with David and went, ‘I’ve come up with this’, or, ‘I’ve come up with this’, and he went, ‘That one!’” Contact Music

Afterward, David said, “Mmm, yea. Now come over and sit on my face. Oh, what? Haha, jk!” That Cronenberg is a real perv.

Keira Knightley and her actor boyfriend of five years, Rupert Friend, have split, says Keira’s dad. “Yes, they have broken up. But that’s the way things go, unfortunately. The only option is to get on with things.”

A friend blames the breakup on the paparazzi. “Rupert hates the idea of being followed and photographed. Keira partially had to accept it because of her rising profile. It affected the harmony in the relationship. The pressure took its toll and both decided they should go their separate ways. They will remain life-long friends.”

I can see what he means from the 10 shots of Rupert walking around in 2010. Those paparazzi were always hounding him. Jesus, what a crybaby. I bet if he went to Disneyland he’d throw a hissy fit when one of the workers asked if he’d like to buy the picture they took of him on the roller coaster ride.

Keira Knightley’s flat was robbed of two laptops worth around $3,225 last week. Detectives think they’ll look to sell whatever private information is on the laptops.

Police don’t think Keira was specifically targeted as the burgulars also hit two other homes in similar fashion last week. Police say the burglars could have spent an hour rummaging through Keira’s things.

A police source said Keira feels violated and doesn’t want to return to the flat. “Keira is mortified to think anyone has been rummaging around her personal stuff.”

I’m guessing they’ll look for sex tapes or nude pics but who knows if they’ll be smart enough to get to them. They’ll probably just sit there pointing a gun at the log in screen yelling “TITS OR GTFO!” like I would do.

Keira Knightley used to look kind of hot despite the fact that running your hand over her chest while blindfolded would lead you to believe someone tricked you into molesting a 14-year-old boy. But today she turned up at the 5th International Rome Film Festival hunched over looking like an awkward girl just hitting puberty. In other words, she’s hotter than ever now!

Keira Knightley hit up the Chanel Ready to Wear Spring/Summer 2011 show in Paris with her new bobbed haircut. Short hair, flat as a board and athletic sounds like you’re describing a 14-year-old boy but Keira manages to pull off this look amazingly well. Suffice to say, I for one would have sex with this 14-year-old boy. No, wait. That came out wrong.

Keira Knightley filmed a brutal PSA for domestic violence for the Charity Women’s Aid. In it, Keira comes home from a day of filming where her jealous boyfriend is already agitated and beats her. It ends with her repeatedly being kicked on the floor and this message: “Domestic violence affects one in four women at some point in their lifetime and kills two women every week.”

Reports say it was screened to a bunch of celebrities. Everyone sat in stunned silence. Except for Chris Brown. He pumped his fist in the air and asked if he could get some popcorn.

Keira Knightley showed up to the premiere of Cheri at the Berlin Film Festival looking like Liam Gallagher from Oasis. Her pants suit and flat chest didn’t help either. If you took her home, you’d probably be disappointed to find out she didn’t have a penis. Also disappointing? No refunds.

Keira Knightley and Sienna Miller star in the upcoming film The Edge of Love. It’s about two women in love with a poet. I think. I’m not entirely sure but Keira and Sienna get naked. NSFW video under the cut. Enjoy you perverts.

Back in 2004, Keira Knightley had her breasts digitally enhanced for the King Arthur publicity photos. She explained that it was because in the US, you had to have a C-cup or more to be considered a woman. Now, for her new movie The Duchess, Keira has refused a similar enhancement.

A source told the newspaper that movie bosses wanted the slender actress to appear more curvaceous, but “she has insisted that her figure stay in its natural state. She is proud of her body and doesn’t want it altered.”

Oh yea? Keira’s not the only one that can refuse things. I refuse to watch this movie until I see Keira on promotional posters with double D’s jutting out beyond the confines of a 2-D image. I want to be poked in the eye with Keira’s tits when I walk by a poster for The Duchess. Then and only then will I consider watching her movie. That’ll show her. That’ll show her good.

Previously, pre-pubescent boys could only see Keira Knightley naked in The Hole or Atonement. Now her new film, The Edge of Love, can be added to that short list. In the film, Keira has a sex scene with Cillian Murphy and was unabashed in taking her clothes off for the realism. Knightley tells PEOPLE:

“I always bare my breasts,” she said at the press conference to promote The Edge of Love Wednesday at the Edinburgh International Film Festival. “It’s not like it’s only in this film!”

“It was very simple. It was a sex scene and I never like them when they’ve got bras on.” So when the director asked her to remove her bra, “I said, ‘All right then.’”

It’s a shame Keira has about as much curves as a plank of wood. I have no doubt that this story would have been much more exciting if it didn’t conjure up images of a naked 13 year old boy. Coincidentally, that’s what women say about me when they picture me naked. So, I guess Keira and I are a perfect fit. Call me?

Keira Knightley doesn’t have to exercise to keep her weight down to a respectable 89 pounds. Instead, she credits a “grueling work schedule” and “dancing to the radio” for her 12-year-old boy-like figure.

“I really like the idea of yoga but I can’t do it. It just pisses me off. If anybody tells me to relax then I just tend to tense up. That’s why I’m not a yoga girl at all unfortunately. And gym work is just so boring and repetitive. I’m not a gym person at all. The most exercise I get when I’m not working is when I turn up the radio.”

I call BS. Keira looks like she could be blown away by the wind if you didn’t put a paperweight on her. If you grabbed her arm, you might completely shatter it. You don’t get that type of body unless you’re only eating two strawberries a day. Even prisoners in concentration camps would look at her in complete shock as they gave her their last piece of bread. No joke. This morning I took a dump and I’m pretty sure it weighed more than her.

James McAvoy talked to People and said he and Keira Knightley set ground rules for their sex scene in Atonement. Also, he suggests to chew breath mints, not to eat garlic or have a salmon-and-cucumber sandwich before doing such a scene.

“We talked a lot beforehand, so we had it figured out what we were going to do, what bits are we going to feel, and what bits are we not going to feel,” McAvoy, 28, told PEOPLE at the Chanel and Cinema Society premiere of the 1930s period drama, held Monday in New York.

That’s lame. Whenever I do a sex scene, there are no rules. I’m a rebel, baby. Although, this is Keira Knightley he’s talking about. Her body isn’t that much different from a guy’s except for the vagina thing. I can see how he’d be weirded out. The bottom half is all woman, but the top half is ambiguous. They should have gotten Tom Cruise for the movie. He would have loved it.

22-year-old Keira Knightley says she’s not that skinny. The lighter than air star claims she is twice the size of girls she auditions against.

“Weight is a big issue in Hollywood because I’m twice the size – height and everything else – of most of the girls who are going in to see the director for a part. When you realise that I am, at my size, one of the largest actresses there, you start to think, ‘I don’t think it’d be healthy for me to stay here much longer.’ “

Was she laughing when she said this. Was she sarcastically rubbing her stomach and saying, “Ho, ho, ho, I’m so fat.” Was she doing it in front of the treadmills at Jenny Craig. Was she mimicking their running, but in a comical way. Because that would be kind of dangerous. Fat people are not to be taken lightly. One time, a fat guy tried to chase me down and beat me up. Let me tell you something. That 10 feet I had to run before he collapsed and had to be taken away in an ambulance was really hard. I must have been about 500 feet from breaking a sweat.