The National Enquirer released pictures of a cross-dressing John Travolta allegedly snapped at a party in 1997. Travolta can be seen wearing a blonde wig, white dress, brown belt, fur stole, earrings and a necklace. He also went the extra mile putting on makeup, thick black eyeliner and pink lilpstick. It seemed like a really roundabout way to get a guy to have sex with him.

TNE also claims Travolta’s wife, Kelly Preston, has left him because of this scandal.

A “friend of the actress” tells the Enquirer: “Kelly told me their marriage is over and made it clear that she’s no longer living in the family home.

“She’s put up with John’s double life for decades while his behavior remained in the shadows.

“But all this coming out in public has humiliated her. Kelly is absolutely destroyed.”

This contradicts reports from an insider saying Kelly is standing by John, that she’s endured these rumors for years and it’s going to take a lot more than John wiggling his butt at a masseur and jacking off in front of them to scare her away. Yes sir, a lot more.

Nepotism in Hollywood is alive and well. PEOPLE reports Kelly Preston has been cast alongside John Travolta in Gotti: Three Generations to play his wife Victoria Gotti while John and Kelly’s daughter Ella Bleu will play their daughter, Angel Gotti.

Adds Marc Fiore, the movie’s producer: “The love and passion between John and Kelly … will bring a huge benefit to John Sr. and his wife, and to tell you the truth, they have a lot in common. They both lost a child at a young age and they understand what the Gottis went thru when the Gottis lost their child.”

So… are the Travoltas trying to become the next Smiths? Please tell me Ella Bleu isn’t going to release a single about whipping something back and forth. Because I might have to strangle someone.

According to PEOPLE, John Travolta and Kelly Preston welcomed an 8 lbs, 3 oz addition to their family named Benjamin on Tuesday in a Florida hospital. The baby supposedly silently slipped out of Kelly Preston’s womb like a ninja.

“John, Kelly and their daughter Ella Bleu are ecstatic and very happy about the newest member of the family,” they say in a statement. “Both mother and baby are healthy and doing beautifully.”

Now begins the one week timeout for the baby where no one will talk, make noise or medically test it. Um, that’s boring. So what can you do with this kid? Throw a football at him and hope he catches it?

Because they’re Scientologists and crazy, John Travolta and Kelly Preston will follow Scientology guidelines and have a “silent birth.”

“No music, no talking and no screaming will be allowed during the pains of labor. Also their new son cannot be prodded for medical tests or spoken to for the first seven days of his life. You don’t want to do anything that will haunt them for the rest of their lives.”

Preston told Redbook magazine a few years ago that she tried to follow the church’s guidelines during the birth of daughter Ella Bleu, but after 13 long hours of labor, she told her husband, “Throw me in the car. I want an epidural!” However, due to traffic, there was not enough time to get Kelly to the hospital.

“This time around, Kelly is determined to follow her church’s guidelines,” an insider tells me. “Everyone who will be present at the birth has been given clear instructions to not make a sound.”

Is Scientology punishing babies for being born by giving them a 7 day timeout? Because that’s something I can get behind. If you haven’t noticed, babies are assholes and need to be taught a lesson.

I have a theory for why John Travolta might be gay. His sperm is much too powerful. Star reports that Kelly Preston is pregnant with twin sons.

“They were ecstatic when they thought they were having just one baby,” an insider tells Star. “Now that there will be two, they can barely contain their happiness!”

Kelly, 47, began in vitro fertilization treatments, says the insider, which increases the chances of conceiving twins. Due this fall, Kelly is already busy preparing for the twins. Adds the insider, “She’s having the time of her life looking at all the cute little outfits and toys online!”

Imagine if John Travolta blasted every woman with his sperm without the help of in vitro. He’d be racking up triplets, sextuplets or quintuplets. Whenever Travolta had sex with a woman, it’d sound like a pinball machine in her vagina.

In 2009, John Travolta’s son, Jett, died. More recently, Travolta’s two dogs were killed at the Bangor International Airport when someone who wasn’t a member of his family walked them. While they were minding their own business, an airport service vehicle hit and killed them.

But, hey, at least there’s good news. Star Magazine says Travolta and Kelly Preston are three months pregnant with a “miracle baby.” “It’s impossible to keep a secret … especially one as wonderful as this,” the Travoltas wrote on their web site. “We are expecting a new addition to our family.”

Gosh, you think you know someone then bam! They put their penis into a woman casting doubt on their assumed homosexuality. The world just got a little more confusing.

Recent reports surfaced that two people are in custody for allegedly trying to extort money out of John Travolta and Kelly Preston. How exactly they were attempting to do it was a mystery. Until now.

According to The Daily Mail, a local politician from Grand Bahama where Jett Travolta died and a person thought to be connected with the ambulance service, demanded “millions of dollars” from John and Kelly in exchange for a picture they took of their son dying. If they didn’t follow through, they’d “sell the photo to the highest bidder.”

Out of all the things you could do, that’s one of the worst. Who goes around taking pictures of dead celebrity kids? Hot dead chicks with big tits I can maybe understand, but this is ridiculous. They should have also threatened to go to Jett’s funeral and rabbit punch him in the nads if they didn’t pay up. If you’re going to be doing something that awful, you might as well go all the way.

Update: TMZ says people tried to extort $20 million from Travolta and that a picture of a dying Jett may not be their bargaining chip although it does have something to do with the circumstances around his death. Us adds that there is only one person involved.

John Travolta and Kelly Preston may be still dealing with the fact that their son, Jett, died from a “seizure disorder,” but that hasn’t stopped two individuals from launching an extortion scheme against them. A Bahamian newspaper reported on Monday that two people are being questioned, one believed to be a politician, about a plot to fleece the grieving couple. Travolta’s lawyers issued this statement:

“Regrettably in a time of such terrible grief, there are often a few individuals who attempt to make false claims in hopes of making millions of dollars,” their statement read, according to the Jacksonville Florida Times-Union. “We will never let that happen.”

They probably took secret photos of Travolta doing things like prancing around in a speedo and having his male nanny apply sunscreen to his body at night. Well, guess what Mr. Criminal Masterminds. Everyone knows Travolta is gay. You fools!

John Travolta and Kelly Preston have announced they want to try for a third child despite mounting pressure to publicly acknowledge their son’s autism. Travolta, a devout Scientologist, does not believe his son is autistic. Instead, he pretends everything is fine or claims his son has Kawasaki Syndrome, characterized by high fever, skin rash and swelling of the lymph nodes. According to Scientology, people with a mental illness are considered “degraded” and capable of curing themselves if they just work harder on the churches teachings.

That’s what I say to the terminally ill kids at the hospital. “You won’t die in 3 months if you just BELIEVE!” The kids and parents always start crying. They’re probably relieved like Travolta and Preston.

Here’s Kelly Preston in a bikini flying through the water and spreading her legs. She looks like a dolphin. A very provocative dolphin. One whose friends call slutty because they once caught her having unspeakable things done to her blowhole in the backseat of an Oldsmobile.