The leering eyes, the smooth hand grab. I’m starting to have doubts about whether or not Ken Paves is actually gay. He could be faking it like when I talked with a lisp while oiling up Marisa Miller for her photo shoot. My advice for Ken is to not give a breast exam with your tongue. Apparently that doesn’t follow gay protocol.

[LA, February 19. Images via Pacific Coast News.]

Jessica Simpson posted a video shot by famed auteur Ken “My Voice Sounds Man-Like Yet Possesses The Shrill Qualities Of A Woman’s” Paves of her shoving a flaming candle in her ear. Presumably to remove ear wax. Although, the video sounds more like torture porn with Ken cackling in the background while Jessica screams and squirms. Its like something police would discover in a secret wall hidden behind a cabinet full of hairdolls.

God, celebrities are so dumb, they’d believe anything. That’s why I plan on moving to Hollywood to market my fantastic, new, top-of-the line cleanser. All you have to do is suck on it and voila! Instant facial.

Ken Paves wigged up Kim Kardashian’s head for a spread in O Magazine.  I’m not sure how I feel about this. On one hand, I don’t care. On the other, I really don’t care. What about you guys? Are you just as apathetic about this whole thing as me?