Yesterday, Kylie Jenner tweeted a photo of Khloe Kardashian in the arms of her “real” dad, Alex Roldan. She captioned the picture, “First official photo of my sister and her dad! Like father like daughter!” Then her mom yelled at her for potentially torpedoing their 2 hour “Who’s Your Daddy?” E! special, so an hour later, Kylie tweeted, “It was a joke everyone! Lol!”

Sure it was a joke. Look at the size of both their heads. There’s no other Kardashian who has that big of a melon. And they’re practically the same gargantuan height. Is Kris Jenner really trying to tell us there’s not much variation in their gene pool? I guess it’s possible. Except, out of all five of her daughters, her body only threw the Bigfoot gene variation once. With those odds, she should go to Vegas.

A new report by The National Enquirer, who, let’s face it, is a bastion of truth, says O.J. Simpson bragged to friends that he is Khloe Kardsahian’s father. Kim Kardashian got all sarcastic about it tweeting, “Now we have all the answers! It makes sense now! Khloe u are so tan!”

‘O.J. told me Khloe’s his child,’ a source is quoted as telling the publication.
They allege that Khloe’s mother Kris Jenner had several trysts with O.J. around the time Khloe was conceived.
They also point out the similarities Khloe shares with O.J.’s 26-year-old daughter Sydney.
Robert and Kris were friends with O.J. before the late Hollywood legal eagle helped get the sportsman off for the double murder charges of his wife Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman in 1995.
The National Enquirer claim that Kris had an affair with O.J. years earlier in 1983, and shortly after fell pregnant with Khloe.
‘It was the big secret that no one in the two families would discuss,’ the source told the tabloid.
‘And Robert admitted he and Kris were not having sex at the time Khloe was conceived.’ Daily Mail

Look, we can sit here all day comparing Khloe Kardashian to men and speculate whose well-defined chin hers most resembles… so let’s do that because implying Khloe Kardashian looks like a dude never gets old.

Ever since last week when two of Robert Kardashian’s ex-wives claimed he told them Khloe wasn’t his real daughter, people have been on a witch hunt for who really fathered Khloe. Since Bigfoot has eluded capture for years, people realistically turned to a more human sperm donor. They settled on Alex Roldan, Kris Jenner’s hairdresser from her I Love My Friends music video. They put their photos side by side and allege Khloe’s middle name, Alexandra, is an ode to Alex and then they yelled, “See?! See?! I f**king told you so!”

Robert Kardashian’s ex-wives are sticking to their story that Khloe Kardashian isn’t his biological child. Kris Jenner, squealing with glee that people are finally starting to care about Kong Kardashian, went on GMA to sort of deny the claims.

“It just gets weirder and weirder: I have never heard such crap in my life. I mean, I was there!” Kris, clad in a sleek black get-up, told GMA. “I gave birth, I know who the dad was.” (Interestingly, Kris didn’t get specific as to who the dad was!) Radar

Not like this is the first time Khloe’s DNA has come into question. Besides scientists asking to test her for the Bigfoot gene, she’s tested herself to see if she was really a Kardashian. On an earlier episode, Khloe tested her DNA to prove she was. However, she only compared the DNA to her mother’s, not to her supposed father Robert Kardashian.

Anyway, she may or may not be a true Kardashian by blood but she was still raised as one. Which means she’s going to draw this story out as long as possible and when no one cares anymore, she’ll take a paternity test. It’s the Kardashian way.

Meanwhile, Lamar Odom is staying away from this mess by letting strippers grind him at a strip club in Washington DC. Lamar had 500 singles in hand to help the dancers out on their college fund and even went into a private room with one of them. According to a witness, the stripper looked a lot like Khloe Kardashian.

“That’s where the VIPs go when they don’t want to be seen publicly with a stripper,” the source at the venue said. “Lamar disappeared into the back of the venue where the private rooms are. He was there for quite awhile, but eventually came back to hang with the strippers in the main area again. The stripper that gave him most of his lap dances was a complete Khloe look-a-like.”

What is this? Bizzaro World? When you go to a strip club, the furthest thing you want from your mind is Khloe Kardashian. This would be like going to a steakhouse and ordering a cheeseburger or taking a hammer to your erection.

Khloe Kardashian is seven feet tall and clomps around like an ogre. When she and her sisters get together to try on each others dresses, Khloe tears them to shreds like she was Bruce Banner transforming into the Incredible Hulk. So when Radar reports that she isn’t actually a Kardashian, it’s only met with mild skepticism.

“Khloe is not his kid — he told me that after we got married,” Jan Ashley, 63, the woman who married Robert after Kris Jenner, revealed to Star.

“He just kind of looked at me and said [it] like it was a matter of fact. He said, ‘Well, you know that Khloe’s not really a Kardashian, don’t you?’ And I said…’OK,’ and that was it.”

But in a final bombshell, Ellen claims Robert told her that he and Kris weren’t even sleeping together at the time Khloe was conceived.

“[But] he never would have considered a DNA test,” Ellen concluded. “He loved her very much.”Radar Online

Shocking, just, shocking. In other surprising news of the day, the sun might be hot!

Kong Kardashian posted some old photos from Christmases past on her blog the other day. “As I’m sure many of you know, it’s a Kardashian Jenner family tradition to host a Christmas Eve party every year at my mom’s house. The entire family comes out, along with all of our closest friends,” Khloe explains. “We’ve been doing it for as long as I can remember, so as you can imagine, I have a lot of photos from the parties over the years.”

Anyway, in one of those photos, Khloe Kardashian is skinny and looks kind of good. She sort of has a Leighton Meester thing going on. Sadly, this seems to be from a long time ago before Cheetos and failed dreams took hold of her

Barbara Walters got straight to the point during her interview with the Kardashians which aired last night. She didn’t mince words and asked, “Why you famous? You no have talent!”

“You don’t really act; you don’t sing; you don’t dance. You don’t have any — forgive me — any talent,” Walters told the family.

“But we’re still entertaining people,” explained Khloe, as Kim chimed in offering her thoughts:

“I think it’s more of a challenge for you to go on a reality show and get people to fall in love with you for being you, so there is definitely a lot more pressure, I think for being famous for being ourselves.” Huffington Post

Note how Khloe doesn’t argue the fact that they have no “talent.” She just accepts it and argues they’re still entertaining people in other ways. Such as, making fools of themselves on TV and in life. Then she tries to convince Walters that what they do is harder than what entertainers with actual talent do. Which is why next time you see Christian Bale trying to impress you with his “acting,” tell him, “f**k you, get a real job, like the ones the Kardashians have.”

Lamar Odom’s trade for Chris Paul was vetoed by the NBA last week but Lamar was so butt hurt he was included in the trade that he wanted out anyway. He got his wish and will now be going to the Dallas Mavericks in exchange for an $8.9 million trade exception and a protected first-round pick. “But what about Khloe Kardashian?!,” is probably the first question on the mind of everyone.

Khloe took to Twitter to confirm that she’ll be following Lamar to Texas. “I would go anywhere with my hubby!,” she posted before the trade but then she added, “Setting in a little…. Weird…”

You know how they say everything is bigger in Texas? Ugh. Imagine Khloe two times her current size. By the time she comes out of Dallas, she’ll be 7 feet tall, weigh 350 pounds and will have bbq sauce perpetually smeared all over her face.

Can’t Khloe Kardashian get any love? Kim, though divorcing, made millions off her “marriage”. Kourtney’s having a 2nd baby. What about Khloe you say?

Younger sister Khloe, 27, is being sued by a transgender woman who claims the reality star assaulted her outside a Hollywood nightclub two years ago…

In the lawsuit, Spears says Khloe struck her “in and about her body,” although TMZ reports no one was arrested at the time.”NYDN

Striking someone in and about their body sounds sinister. It’s like she’s a Kung Fu Yeti who can cripple your organs without even touching you. She just needs a long white beard to stroke. And subtitles.

Reports are coming in that Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick may be marrying really soon. So not only will her second kid get to make fun of Mason for being an accident but it’ll also get to make fun of him for being a bastard.

Sources say Kourtney won’t turn her wedding into a spectacle like Kim’s. It’ll be a low key, family only event possibly held at the Kardashian house. No word on if it’ll be turned into an E! special but why not? All you have to do to convince a Kardashian to do something is wave a few bills in front of their face. They’re like strippers who don’t take their clothes off. Anymore.

In what would surely be a sign of the apocalypse, Kim Kardashian gushes about how great it would be if she, Kourtney and Khloe were all pregnant at the same time. “That would be a dream! All three of us pregnant at the same time? That would be amazing!”

Kris Jenner is also on board with this idea. Not only because she wants more grandchildren but because think of how many covers three simultaneously pregnant Kardashians can get?!

Their husbands and boyfriend must love this idea too. Just think. All the sisters getting together to find common ground to complain about and then confronting their significant others about it? Lamar Odom, Scott Disick and Kris Humphries are going to love that.

In other news, Annie Leibovitz did a few promotional shots for the Kardashian Kollection at Sears. Yea, the same person that shoots for Vogue shot a clothing catalog for Sears. She must need the  money.

The photo itself (up top) is photoshopped into oblivion. Khloe doesn’t look like a gigantic Sasquatch, Kim is taller than Khloe, Kourtney is almost the same height as her and Kim’s ass isn’t shoving both her sisters out of frame. What kind of digital sorcery is this?!

MediaTakeOut claims Khloe Kardashian is pregnant with twins. According to the insider, Lamar Odom was bragging to friends about the news. They add that Khloe and Lamar don’t want to announce the pregnancy until after Kim’s wedding so as to not steal any thunder.

“[Lamar and Khloe] were doing fertility treatments, and two eggs implanted,” the insider revealed. “They are having twins.”

Odom reportedly made his family members swear that they would keep it a secret — but it sounds like someone couldn’t wait to share the news.

The couple is not planning on making an announcement until after Khloe’s sister, Kim Kardashian, gets married in August.

“They want to keep it quiet until after Kim [Kardashian's wedding next month]. They don’t want to overshadow her day,” the source said. [StarPulse]

What delightful news. Now you can go up to Khloe when she’s walking down the street, rub her belly and ask, “Twins?,” with only a 50% chance of being punched in the face by Lamar Odom.

What hell hath we wrought?! Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian were on Fox & Friends this morning to promote the new season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. They talked about Kim’s engagement to Kris Humphries, the possibility of Kourtney having another baby and how Khloe feels about Kris Jenner changing her name to Kris Kardashian (does not approve).

Side note: Kris is obviously doing it because she’s a fame whore and being a Kardashian will get her a seat at a restaurant faster than being a Jenner would.

Back on point. Smack dab in the middle of the interview, Khloe’s nipple slipped out into the sheer portion of her top. In the words of Radioactive Man, “my eyes, the goggles, they do nothing.” The worst part is no one noticed the entire interview. You’d think the burning sensation in their eyes would be a major giveaway that something was wrong.

Between this and Lady Gaga’s nipple, I’m starting to think Harold Camping was right. The Rapture is coming. That or we’re in some sort of nipple slip slump right now. The quality is just not there anymore. Nipple slip connoisseurs must be beside themselves.

True to form, Khloe has issued a response in a series of tweets.

- Thank God! I fucking love nipples!!!! “@Wendel817: @KhloeKardashian Your nipple was showing on Fox and Friends. See through tops FTW.”
- I had a nip slip and I loved it! But my twat is fine! “@KourtneyKardash: Her twat is twisted. Has that happened to anyone?”
- My mom just called me saying my nip slip is “all over the internet!” Ha! Is it weird that I love it?! Who knew nipples were so special?

Just to clarify. There is nothing special about Khloe’s nipples. Calm down.