The Blemish » kim kardashian Better than a slap to the face Mon, 26 Jan 2015 18:43:19 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Kim Kardashian Knows How to Sell Her New Book Thu, 22 Jan 2015 18:07:30 +0000 Historians will either look back at Kim Kardashian as the biggest media whore or the most cunning businesswoman of the modern age. Perhaps even both. She used digital media so smartly, a textbook case on self-promotion. She is the most intellectually empty genius ever. Ass and tits sell so she shows off both. Now she’s plastered her tits on the cover of her new book, Kim Kardashian Selfish. Her new book collects all her selfies including never-before-seen ones! Her vanity isn’t overwhelming enough, seriously. The book’s description is pretty hilarious.

From her early beginnings as a wardrobe stylist, Kim Kardashian has catapulted herself into becoming one of the most recognizable celebrities in Hollywood. Hailed by many (including Givenchy designer Riccardo Tisci) as the modern-day personification of Marilyn Monroe, Kim has become a true American icon.

Wow, scary that one day people might actually put her on a pedestal like Marilyn Monroe. Is she like Marilyn Monroe? Was Monroe a ‘ho? That’s about where the similarities end.

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Charlie Sheen Tells Kim Kardashian to Go Fuck Yourself Tue, 06 Jan 2015 17:22:51 +0000 One more reason why Charlie Sheen deserves our praise. Sheen laid into Kim Kardashian for allegedly refusing a 6-year old’s autograph request, says TMZ. His now-deleted tweet gets straight to the point:

“She cries about it every night before she goes to sleep.”

“you are lucky that ANYONE cares about your gross and giggly [sic] bag of funk you dare call an ass.”

“your public loves u. give something back or go f yourself.”

TMZ later caught up with Sheen who didn’t back down at all. According to him, his buddy C. Thomas Howell informed him of the incident.

Charlie says Howell told him the girl waited for Kim at a lunch place and politely asked her for her John Hancock when they were alone in the parking lot. He says Kim told her assistant, “Oh God, can you handle this.”

Charlie says, “The assistant and dooshy got in her car and pulled out and sped past the poor little 6-year-old without even a glance to the child.”

Coke. Strippers. And the freedom to speak his mind. Hollywood’s treating Sheen quite well.

Sheen ended his twitter rant with a few kind words to Kanye West:

“My apologies to your hubby, great guy I’m sure, I hope his vision returns one day.”

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Kim and Kanye Kiss and Model for Balmain Ad Mon, 22 Dec 2014 17:40:06 +0000 Hard to believe Kanye and Kim have reached their mid-30’s. It seems like just yesterday Kim released her sex vid and catapulted from nobody to B-list celebrity. Now look at her. All grown up and wearing fancy clothes showing off the latest in high fashion and soulless facial expressions. Too bad she’s crapping up her face with surgery. She looked really good naked way back when.

FYI: Evidently, fans of Balmain make up the ‘Balmain Army’. Sounds like a cult. Anyway, here they are ‘modeling’. By modeling, we mean putting on clothes and staring at the camera.

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Kim Kardashian: “Khloe’s Ass is So Big…She Needs to Lose a Couple of Lbs” Tue, 16 Dec 2014 19:03:45 +0000 Looks like someone doesn’t want any attention taken away from their OWN ass. Kim Kardashian cannot be so vain that she’s afraid Khloe’s ass will overshadow her own, can she? That’s a rhetorical question. Yes she can. Because Kim’s a vain, media-hungry whore who will carve up her face and body, fuck on camera and marry anyone just to get a couple of more pages in People.

In this Sunday’s episode of Kourtney & Khloe Take the Hamptons, Kim tells Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian, “Khloe’s ass is so big…like she’s got to like lose a couple lbs.” Disick knows what’s up when he responds “What? You guys are famous for big butts! You guys lose your butts, we may all lose our money!” Check out the preview.

Kim then drops a bombshell: “I don’t care. I want a flat ass now.” Really. A month ago you wanted to break the internet with your ass, and now you want it gone.  Just another attention-seeking whore comment from Kim’s surgically-enhanced lips. Kim will ride that ass, like Ray J. rode it, all the way until the last viewer clicks off her show.

Now, flip the bird to Kim and ogle Khloe’s ass.

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Kim Kardashian Sang ‘Oompa Loompa Doom-Pa-Dee-Do’ On Her Latest Night Out Mon, 08 Dec 2014 18:54:17 +0000 Sometime this past Saturday, Kim Kardashian reached into her makeup bag and thought, “Today, I want to go out as an oompa loompa”.

oompa-loompa Kim Kardashian

And so it came to pass as Kim K. made Willy Wonka proud and joined the list of celebs with bad spray tans.

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Kim Kardashian Prayed Her Boobs Would Stop Growing at 13 Wed, 03 Dec 2014 18:15:55 +0000 Kim Kardashian sits down with Elle UK to discuss how difficult it was being so physically endowed at just 13. Kim says she would sit in the tub every night and pray for her boobs to stop growing. Her dad even wrote her a letter trying to comfort her.

“When I was 13 my father wrote me a letter. I was unhappy with my body – I developed really early. Every night I would sit in the bath and cry, I prayed my boobs would stop growing. He told me I had a body not many girls have, that later it would lead to attention from men, but that the most important thing was that I was a wonderful girl and I had to understand my self worth.”

That must have been tough. It’s like when I, at 13, changed in the locker room and cried about my huge dick or when I looked in the mirror and cried about having an 8 pack instead of the normal 6. What kind of hateful god would do this to me?!

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Eat Kim Kardashian’s Ass Mon, 01 Dec 2014 08:38:26 +0000 Kim Kardashian’s ass tried to break the Internet. Now New York food artiste Jessica Siskin wants it to break your gut. Her Rice Krispies treats copy Kim K’s derriere down to a ‘T’ with the gloves, pearls and dat ass. Siskin should’ve made that ass out of sugar.

Siskin also put on her Instagram a Rice Krispies copy of Taylor Swift’s 1989 Polaroid album cover. It’s just as well that there wasn’t an ass copy for Taylor. That probably would’ve tasted like cat hair.

Jessica Siskin Taylor Swift Rice Krispies

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Thai Girl Refused Kim’s Offer to Adopt Her Thu, 20 Nov 2014 18:11:47 +0000 A 13-year-old Thai girl politely declined Kim Kardashian’s offer to adopt her. Knowing nothing about the Kardashians, it’s good to know that this teen recognized the horrors that would have befallen her.

Kim first met Laddawan Tong-Keaw, nicknamed Pink, at an orphanage in Phong Nga, a poverty-stricken region of Thailand, while filming Keeping Up With the Kardashians. The girl was sent there by her mother because she wasn’t able to take care of her anymore.

Pink and Kim quickly bonded which gave Kim the bright idea that it’d be cool to adopt her. “I literally cannot stop thinking about her. I told Kanye, I was like, honestly, this girl is so sweet and so cute, like, I would honestly adopt her.” Kris Jenner talked her out of it saying you can’t just go around orphanages adopting girls like puppies. That and the fact it’s very difficult to adopt a Thai child. It’s actually unsettling that Kris Jenner was the voice of reason.

Later, supervisors told Pink about Kim’s interest in adopting her. “When I found out she wanted to adopt me, I was shaking. I was so excited.” However, Pink responded with a polite “no.” She said she’d be leaving too much behind.

Also, let’s not forget this is a Kardashian we’re talking about. Even abject poverty would be better than becoming Kim Kardashian’s fashion accessory and having your soul whittled away with each reality show.

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Kim Kardashian Has a New Fragrance So Here’s Her Boobs Wed, 19 Nov 2014 01:09:25 +0000 Kim Kardashian showed up in Melbourne, Australia to promote her new fragrance, Fleur Fatale, at a Spice Market Event earlier today. This would be her seventh perfume. This one is described as “dangerously alluring” and “unavoidably tempting.” According to a review, the fragrance has a seductive and rich composition allegedly evoking the exotic Orient. Suffice to say, this is not the Kim’s buttsweat and Kanye’s tears fragrance you’ve been waiting for.

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Remember When Kim Kardashian Cried Over Her Nude W Magazine Spread? Fri, 14 Nov 2014 17:47:26 +0000 Four years ago, Kim Kardashian posed nude for the cover of W magazine. That turned into a fiasco when Kim cried on her show that they showed her fully nude instead of covering her private bits with art like they promised.

Why bring this up now? You’ve seen the Paper magazine spread, right? This is more proof that that scene was 100% fake. Granted, you already knew that, but now I can also remind everyone that Kim is an ugly crier.

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