Ever seen those stupid looking Skechers Shape-Up shoes that look like boats that Kim Kardashian and Brooke Burke hawked? The ones that claim help people lose weight and strengthen their ass, legs and stomach muscles?

Turns out it doesn’t do any of that because Skechers lied about the clinical studies they conducted. Skechers has now agreed to a $45 million settlement and anyone who bought the shoes can get a refund.

Skechers will dispute the FTC decision and conduct more research on the shoe’s effects. This time their proof will most likely not consist of just photographing Kim Kardashian wearing a pair and then pointing at her ass yelling, “See? It works! I told you!”

Kim Kardashian posted this on Instagram the other day with the caption, “The tannerexic mom has some serious competition!!! LOL.”

It’s not quite true. Kim needs to be a little more leathery for that to happen.

A source says Kim Kardashian and Kanye west are “100 percent having conversations about marriage,” which explains a new track by Pusha T. where West raps, “I saw you in the club in a white dress/Now I want to put you in a white dress.”

I won’t go into how dumb of an idea it is to marry Kim when her fake marriage to Kris Humphries isn’t even officially over yet. I will, however, go into how dumb some rap lyrics are. I mean, isn’t it sort of cheating to rhyme “white dress” with “white dress?” It’s like when Nicki Minaj raps, “Don’t let me die young, I just want you to father my young.” Sure, you can technically do that and it works, but, c’mon, stop being lazy.

The Met Gala in New York City was the place to be the other night. Celebrities flock from everywhere to attend the event in their fancy dresses. “Who do I have to blow around here for a Met Gala invite?,” is the line commonly heard in Hollywood in the days leading up to the event. So if you hear about how Kim Kardashian didn’t attend because she had business in LA, don’t believe it.

Sources say the real reason is Vogue’s Anna Wintour, who organizes the event, hates Kim. “Why would she be invited to the event? It is all the biggest stars in the world and Kim doesn’t fit that bill at all.” Even though the Met Gala is $25,000 a ticket but Kim can’t even buy one because Wintour doesn’t want there. Knowing this, don’t expect Kim to ever grace the cover of Vogue as long as Anna Wintour is alive either.

I hear whenever Kim Kardashian is banned from an important celebrity event, an angel gets their wings. Then a thousand cherubs all point and laugh at her from heaven.

For whatever reason, Kanye West’s belt malfunctioned and his pants fell down while he was heading toward his apartment in Manhattan with Kim Kardashian. Some are calling it a carefully calculated plan to fame whore. And they’re probably right. Kris Jenner is probably tenting her fingers right now and laughing maniacally.

Despite missing her 1pm flight to DC, Lindsay Lohan still managed to make it, along with Kim Kardashian, to the White House Correspondents’ Dinner as guests of FOX News, whose goal of the evening was “cheapen everything.”

Kim and Lindsay joined George Clooney, Steven Spielberg, Sofia Vergara and other guests in listening to Obama’s opening monologue which was great because it threw a jab at Kim. He still doesn’t know why she’s famous.

George Clooney raised some eyebrows showing up without Stacy Keibler who had been tweeting about it the whole week. Clooney said she couldn’t make it because she was working explaining Stacy just landed a pilot for a TV show.

Anyway, the dinner could be considered a success for Lindsay since she managed not to make a complete ass of herself. There were 10 to 1 odds that she’d confuse Obama for a dealer and ask if he was holding.

According to history books, back in 1792, architects for the Whitehouse decided to use wider doors because they knew that one day Kim Kardashian would need to fit her ass through them to attend the Correspondents Dinner.

With news that Lindsay Lohan will be attending the White House Correspondents Dinner comes news that Kim Kardashian will as well. A big surprise considering it’s called the White House and not the Pro Baller Black House. Both “celebrities” will be guests of FOX, naturally. This will be Kim’s second time.

Also in attendance are Charlize Theron, Viola Davis, George Clooney, Aziz Ansari and Josh Hutcherson. Sadly, Hologram Tupac and Hologram Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez were not invited but would have made a great addition to this list of “people that can get us publicity.”

Kim Kardashian has denied that a photo floating around of a woman cooking in the nude is of her pre-breast augmentation (sort of NSFW picture here). A spokesman for Kim says, “It’s not her. You can totally tell. It looks nothing like her.”

That’s not entirely true. It does sort of look like Kim but it’s so nondescript that it also looks like hundreds of other women. You can’t just go around throwing up pictures of any Armenian-looking woman with a big ass and call it Kim Kardashian. At least that’s what my lawyers advise me.

That fake wedding worked. Deadline, proving that god loves cruel jokes, reports that E! has signed a new three-year deal for Keeping Up With The Kardashians. This includes orders for seasons 7, 8, and 9 of the reality show featuring all your beloved attention whores, Kim, Khloe and Kourtney plus attention whores in training Kendall and Kylie. E! will also extend their first-look deal for unscripted ideas, concepts and projects. However, this deal does not guarantee anything for the spinoffs Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami, Kourtney and Kim Take New York and Khloe and Lamar.

Kim and her family managed to give value to being talentless. I should be angry but I’m actually impressed. This show will have gone on for 9 seasons by the time we’re done. To put it in perspective, this will have already outlasted Lost by the time season 7 premieres on May 20. And I’d rather watch that episode of Lost where nothing actually happens (seasons 4, 5, 6). This is pretty much E!’s Law & Order.

In an interview with Paper Magazine, Kim and Khloe Kardashian discuss a variety of subjects including whether or not they still have Google Alerts for themselves (no), meeting celebrities through Twitter, if they ever deleted a tweet, making home music videos and how they troll the trolls on Twitter.

MB: Do you ignore the haters who bad-mouth you on Twitter?

Kim: I love writing them back. People will write me, “My phone battery lasts longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage,” and I’ll write back, “Oh, which phone is that?” When people are so stupid, you just have to have fun with it. Someone [without a profile photo] will say I’m fat, or a hairy Armenian, and I’ll write back, “Oh, that egg picture of yours is so gorgeous.”

Kim sure showed them. They must be devastated. “Oh, which phone is that?!,” Kim wrote with a smirk. “Um… the iPhone?,” the person probably wrote back confused. *Cricket cricket* *Throws rotten tomatoes* *Gets out cane* *Pulls Kim off stage*

Kanye West met Kim Kardashian’s family in New York over the weekend and you’d be stupid to think they didn’t “absolutely love him.” Sources say her family thinks they’re the perfect pair. They even stepped out for the first time as a couple grabbing dinner at Spice Market in the Meatpacking District.

Who would be dumb enough to think that the Kardashians, especially Kris Jenner, wouldn’t love Kanye. The whole time they were talking to each other, Kris was already planning all the ways she can milk as much fame and money out of this as she can. You could practically see strands of drool running down her mouth while they were talking.

Us Weekly hosted the annual Hot Hollywood Style Issue Event at Amanda Bynes’ favorite get drunk and act stupid spot, Greystone Manor, Wednesday night. Kim Kardashian showed up in some grey dress. I don’t know. The point is, judging by the width of her hips, she’s going to have no problem popping a kid out. Just slap some Crisco up in there and that baby will shoot out like it was on a slip and slide.