Someone sent TMZ a picture of Kim Kardashian’s baby shower invite. It’s as extravagantly retarded as one would imagine.

The invite was a functioning music box complete with spinning ballerina, bearing a striking resemblance to Kim Kardashian, dancing to a lullaby version of Kanye’s Hey Mama (which you can hear below).

Ugh, Katy is going to be so pissed. This makes her baby shower invitation look like Lance Armstrong’s butt before some girl cleaned it out.

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His ego having been inflated to monstrous proportions, Kanye West no longer has the spatial awareness necessary to maneuver his head around safely. Case in point. Kanye and Kim stopped for some pho in LA today and as they were leaving the parking garage, Kanye smashed his head on a wrong way sign. “Ego, why you no increase the squishy membrane around my brain?!,” Kanye probably said to himself.

And now with video.

And now with more passion. “If you want me to leave, I’ll leave Kanye.” *continues to follow*

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A couple days ago, Robin Williams tweeted a side-by-side of him in Mrs. Doubtfire and Kim Kardashian at the MET Gala and shouted “Twinsies!”

I think I wore it better! twitter.com/robinwilliams/…

— Robin Williams (@robinwilliams) May 8, 2013

He’s right. He did. But even beyond the similar style, both made you break out in hysterical laughter the first time you saw them. Unlike Mrs. Doubtfire, however, Kim Kardashian’s dress will be a topic of embarrassment 10 years later.

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Kim Kardashian covers the new issue of Us Weekly wearing nothing but a bikini and asks, “You call this fat?” I don’t know if that’s a rhetorical question but she’s pregnant so the answer is going to be “yes.” Maybe not fat in the traditional sense but more fat from being fattened up out of necessity.

The picture was taken while Kim and her family were on vacation in Greece. Us says wearing the bikini was a big step for Kim because of how she’s been bullied about her weight ever since she got pregnant. But can she really blame anybody? Look at the stuff she’s been wearing. Like this. Of course people are going to say something. She dresses like an emperor penguin.

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Last night was the Costume Institute Gala at the MET in NYC. The theme of the night was Punk: Chaos to Couture which meant celebs were encouraged to dress how punk rockers would dress if they sold out. Rather than make 70 different posts with pictures, I’ll use a list to critique a few outfits and/or celebrities who showed up. Let me remind you that I know nothing about fashion. My idea of couture is wearing a collared shirt.

• Beyonce: The co-chair of the event. I’m not sure what she was going for. Maybe she showed up to the wrong event.
• Jennifer Lopez: A cheetah. She dressed as a cheetah.
• Ashley Olsen: Bought a bunch of fabric, decided to just unroll it and cut a hole for her head and hands.
• Emmy Rossum: She looked really hot.
• Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen: At least Tom didn’t have stupid hair this time around.
• Gwen Stefani: She still looks 25. How is this possible?
• Heidi Klum: Agent Orange.
• Ivanka Trump: Wrong event, woman.
• Katie Holmes: Can you show me the way to Castle Grayskull?
• Katy Perry: Is she wearing the Church fresco by Elijah Garcia Martinez that an old woman ruined? From far away, it almost looks like but it’s definitely not. She’s not that awesome. It’s actually Joan of Arc. This is like the 16th century equivalent of wearing a band t-shirt.
• Kristen Stewart: She looks really excited to be here, guys!
• Miley Cyrus: She actually looked sort of punk what with the spiked hair and fishnets. Going for a Sid Viscious with boobs look I guess.
• Nicole Richie: I don’t even. I mean, she made Rihanna want to “throw up.” I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.
• Ginnifer Goodwin: She just looks like she has really thick eyebrows. Sort of like that baby on The Simpsons.
• Psy: How many people asked him to do the horsey dance?
• Nina Dobrev: Don’t care. Looked hot.
• Jennifer Lawrence: Is she going to a funeral?
• Sarah Jessica Parker: I also wonder how many people asked her to do the horsey dance. Also, terrible outfit.
• Madonna: I can’t help but feel this is a recycled outfit.
• Blake Lively: Interesting dress. Looked real good regardless.
• Diane Kruger and Joshua Jackson: Joshua Jackson is so high right now.
• Emilia Clarke: Can someone tell her where her dragons are?
• Kim Kardashian: Stole fabric from an old couch. The gloves are part of the dress it seems.
• Taylor Swift: Her hair looks weird.

The post The MET Gala Theme Was PUNK: Chaos to Couture appeared first on The Blemish.

Brandy’s brother Ray J is desperate to be somewhat famous again which is why he’s released the music video for I Hit it First, his whiny rap about banging Kim Kardashian on camera.

Ray J won’t admit it’s about Kim but with lyrics like “she might move onto rappers and ball players but we all know I hit it first” and shots of a fake Kim Karadshian being followed around by cameras on a TV network called F!, it’s obvious.

The video has sort of a Tron theme to it. Not sure there’s any purpose to that other than “sh*t looks cool, man.” The song itself is terrible. He might as well be jerking himself off for the entire three and a half minutes.

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Usually that title would inspire a little more enthusiasm but Kim Kardashian is pregnant and no one needs to see that. I guess you could just focus on her chest and not that thing growing inside her which is going to be shoved into the spotlight as soon as it’s born or even as it’s coming out of her vagina. Kris Jenner is probably trying to convince the doctor delivering the baby to wear a GoPro at this very moment.

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Kanye West and Kim Kardashian were actually photographed together shopping in New York. He came back on one of his expensive private jet visits to see her apparently. So far he’s spent $100,000 on flights to go with Kim to the doctor. He seems really tired. That or jet lag keeps making him forget Kim is pregnant. “Oh… I forgot. You still look like that. Well, back to Paris.”

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Kim Kardashian is pregnant which now makes her an expert on all pregnancies. Naturally, she’s giving advice to her sister Khloe who’s ovaries have been putting up an “out for lunch” sign every time she says, “Let’s have a baby.”

Kim says her pregnancy is “painful.” She’s even called Khloe to tell her, “Don’t do it! You’re so lucky!” She’s gone as far as telling Khloe to use a surrogate or adopt instead, saying, “I hate this!”

Ugh, no one ever said carrying a living human inside you was hard work.

“I’ve had a lot of pain, everywhere. I’m in pain, physically,” Kim added. “I get really paranoid [and] I start Googling things, the things that come up are really scary. It just freaks me out all the time.

“I was waiting for this amazing experience where I can just do whatever I want, eat whatever I want, feel great, and it hasn’t been that way.”

Khloe says, “Her back hurts, her breasts hurt, her stomach hurts, her feet hurts, her head hurts, her eyes hurt, her nails hurt. She cries all the time, too.”

I’m sure pity is the exact thing Khloe is feeling as the sound of the ticking from her biological clock fades day by day.

The post Kim Kardashian Thinks Khloe Is Lucky She’s Not Pregnant appeared first on The Blemish.

If any of you were paying attention at all to the Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries divorce case, you’ll be glad to know it’s over. Kris walked away with nothing which made the case a win for Kim.

• Kris gets NO money from Kim. As we’ve reported … he had previously demanded $7 mil.
• Kris dropped his demand for an annulment based on fraud.
• Each party will pay their own attorney’s fees.

Kris was about to be fined for no-showing at last week’s hearing but Kim asked the court to drop it.

For reference, Kim and Kris’ marriage lasted 72 days. Their divorce case lasted 536 days. That’s what we call a successful marriage.

In other news, Kim Kardashian is now a penguin.

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