Honestly, I don’t even know why I bother posting the winners considering there’s a 98% chance you already know. However, for the 2% of you who fell asleep during the broadcast and woke up at 2 a.m. mumbling to yourself “wha? is it over? where am I?” and then came straight here, the big Oscar winners are:

- Best Picture: The King’s Speech

- Best Leading Actor: Colin Firth for The King’s Speech

- Best Leading Actress: Natalie Portman for Black Swan

- Best Director: Tom Hooper for The King’s Speech

- Best Supporting Actor: Christian Bale for The Fighter

- Best Support Actress: Melissa Leo for The Fighter

Those are just the important ones. The rest can be found at The Envelope. Inception only managed to pick up Oscars for Cinematography, Sound Editing and Sound Mixing while The Social Network only picked up statues for Adapted Screenplay, Original Music and Film Editing otherwise known as consolation prizes from the Academy.

As always, the Oscars were boring and dull. One of the only rays of the light was when Kirk Douglas slurred his way through presenting the award for Best Support Actress. Halfway through, I was just hoping he’d stand there for 10 minutes rambling until the guy next to him started poking him with his cane.

Photo above is James Franco getting his hair and makeup did.

90-year-old Kirk Douglas presented John Travolta with an award at the Santa Barbara Film Festival and then they made out. Uh, perfectly normal. No, really. You may think this is gay, but all straight men do it. According to my RA that one night I got locked out of my dorm room, it’s only gay if there’s tongue.

John’s rep says this is customary with all his friends, male or female. If you’re wondering what other men John has kissed, go here.