These photos should be more appropriately titled “Kristen Bell Still Thinks She’s 7″

Kristen Bell does a spread in Vegas Magazine and, naturally, she shared her best, most wildest Vegas story. Hold on to your monocles to keep them from popping out because sh*t is about to get real.

“Vegas in the nighttime scares me a little,” she says. “So one time my best friend and I decided to do Vegas by day. We treated it like an amusement park. We got up at 7:30 AM. Mind you, no one is getting up in Vegas then. They may still be up, but they’re not just getting up.” A hearty brunch at the Hash House—“some sort of berry waffle tower and the best grilled cheeses,” she recalls—was followed by a rollercoaster tour of the town and trinket-shopping, complete with best friend rings with their names carved in them. “By 3 PM, we were back in the room,” she says, “completely crashed out.” Vegas Magazine

Huh? What happened? I fell asleep right when Kristin went into getting up at 7:30 a.m. to have brunch. I was in and out of consciousness while she talked about getting best friends rings with their names carved in them. But only because I was fighting my gag reflex.

Don Cheadle and, most importantly, Kristen Bell are going to get naked in their new tv show House of Lies. Cheadle tells TV Guide Magazine,

“Everybody has to get naked in this show, even grandpa (Glynn Turman). We all have to sign something in every episode about which body part we’re agreeing to show on camera. I’m 47, so I need to be really careful what I’m signing off on.” StarPulse

Well it’s about time. I’ve been imagining Kristen Bell naked ever since Veronica Mars and now it’s finally happening. The power of positive thinking is real. Couple of gifs after the jump.

Bikini is defined as “a women’s swimsuit with two parts, one covering the breasts, the other the groin.” Now read the first part again. As you can see, I’m using “bikini” very loosely when I say Kristen Bell hit up Miami over the weekend like every other celebrity and put on a bikini.

That’s the question PEOPLE is asking after Kristen Bell tweeted “My adorable husband, @daxshepard1 voting 4 his favorite american idol. Over and over again.” A rep for Bell says she’s not married and refers to Dax as her “husband” sometimes.

Probably just wishful thinking. What am I saying. They’re getting married for sure. Not like he’ll ever leave her. There’s nowhere to go but down if they split. It’s like if I ever have sex with Scarlett Johansson. I might as well bronze my penis after that.

Kristen Bell did a shoot with Details and here are the outtakes. I swear I’ve seen these before but I can’t find them. But whatever. It’s Kristen Bell being seductive. They’re much better than the Khloe Kardashian Eating a Pie In Lingerie photos I was going to post instead.

Kristen Bell stars in the Yeasayer’s new video for Madder Red from their latest album Odd Blood. It’s the touching story of one girl and the aborted fetus she found in the dumpster behind McD’s which she now keeps as a pet. *Sniffle* Brings back memories.

Kristen Bell, 29 (above), and Dax Shepard, 35 (not above), are engaged. Bell showed off her engagement ring on the red carpet of the Grammys last night. The two have been dating since 2008. She said of Dax way back when, “There is almost nothing, barring a natural disaster, that I would let eat into my time at home, playing Scrabble with Dax or talking to my girlfriends,” she said.

This chick is so boring. Why can’t she at least make something up like she likes to stay up for 24 hours having sex while high on coke. That would be cool. Anything but playing Scrabble with Dax. The guy looks like his vocabulary doesn’t go past one syllable. She must just like winning. That ring isn’t impressive either. Kirsten should have stuck with me. I’d have given her something much cooler. As long as I could find it on the bottom of a Cracker Jack box. They have pink diamond rings on the bottom of those things, right?

During Kristen Bell’s interview with Women’s Health Magazine, we find out she’s boring (she enjoys staying in and playing Scrabble) and that she’s turned Dax Shepard, her boyfriend, into a complete puss.

“I’ve learned the necessity for healthy communication. How important it is to talk about your deepest, darkest fears and feelings. Your partner should hear your most embarrassing insecurities, because once you say them out loud, you’ve created a safe zone.”

“A snuggle party can fix anything—it’s true.”

That Dax sure is a lucky guy. I wonder what they gossip about while they sit around watching Lifetime and braiding each others hair. Is it boys? I bet they talk about boys. That Robert Pattinson sure is dreamy.

I’ve had this fascination with Kristen Bell ever since Veronica Mars because that show was great. So great that it got canceled after season 3. Premature cancellation, as you all know, is the litmus test for how good a series is. For example, Arrested Development also ended after season 3.

Two and a Half Men, on the other hand, is in its 7th season and has been nominated for Golden Globes and Emmys and is one of the most unfunny comedy series on tv right now. A puppy caught in a bear trap is funnier than that show.

Looks like Hollywood finally read all those scripts I sent them which were just pages torn out of a notebook with “Put Kristen Bell in a bikini or else…” written in crayon on them. However, they decided to dress it up with a plot. I guess that’s acceptable because they also read the part about putting Jason Bateman and Malin Ackerman in more movies. Look at me! I’m a big shot movie producer!

Here’s a nice followup to the Leighton Meester sex tape post. By nice, I mean not Tori Spelling in a see-through bikini. It’s Kristen Bell swimming in Hawaii with her douchey boyfriend Dax Shepard.

Although, these pictures are not as sexy as they could be. Yea she’s in a bikini, but because she’s blonde, it looks like she has no eyebrows when she’s in the water. If she was swimming towards you and you only saw the top 1/3 of her head, you’d think you were being chased by a sea monster.

Big news of the day. Kristen Bell attended the Alzheimer’s Association’s 17th Annual event in a fish dress. That is all.