To be fair, that was just one shot out of hundreds of Kristen Stewart at the photocall and premiere of On the Road in Cannes. She was probably just preparing her face for the photogs who wanted her to do “The Bella Swan.” A wise man once said, “To get perfect constipation, you must first suffer extreme constipation.”

Here’s Kristen Stewart giving the finger, jokingly, at the premiere of Snow White and the Huntsman. She’s probably saying to Charlize Theron, “Haha, f**k you, I’m the fairest of them all.”

And if by “fairest,” Kristen means “the whitest,” then she’s absolutely correct.

Kristen Stewart accidentally wandered up the stairs to Charlize Theron’s private jet without realizing it when she was to fly from Paris to London. Reports say she left embarrassed when had to shuffle over to her own plane after being denied.

I’m going to go ahead and file this under “First World Problems.” Coincidentally, those are the only problems I tend to have. “Oh, that’s your giant panda you ride to work on? My goodness. How embarrassing!”

Here’s Kristen Stewart embracing her white trash style at the second weekend of Coachella with a trucker hat, daisy dukes and a shirt that read “White Trash.” She hit up the festival with Robert Pattinson where they were seen at the Radiohead concert (naturally) “kissing and holding hands, swaying and singing along to parts [of the songs.]” Basically doing whatever it is you’d imagine hipsters do. Kristen probably went on Tumblr later and claimed to like Radiohead back when they were called On a Friday.

Kristen Stewart showed up at the Kid’s Choice Awards in this blue thing. She’s the reigning god of these Kid’s Choice Awards. She could punch a fan in the boobs and they’d still faint because Bella Swan touched them. But let’s not forget how inspirational she is to her less talented peers. It was nothing short of a miracle that her constant lip biting and readily apparent neurosis was mistaken for “acting.” If she can do it, they can too.

Kristen Stewart left a Mario Testino photoshoot on Monday in Paris for the June Vanity Fair. During the shoot, Kristen gave the finger in front of Karl Lagerfeld. I have no idea why. It’s probably for the shoot but that’s a boring explanation. Let’s spice it up a little. Instead, let’s say she was flipping off Twilight fans because she doesn’t have to pander to them now that the series is over.

In early December, while Kristen Stewart was filming Snow White and the Huntsman in England, Robert Pattinson left La Poubelle restaurant with actress Sarah Roemer and was seen… STROKING HER HAND IN THE BACK OF A CAR! Uh oh. Twi-hards, assemble!

An insider tells OK!, “Rob’s one of the world’s biggest heartthrobs and Kristen’s never been able to relax the whole time she’s been with him. This was, like, her worst fear realized.”

Of course, Rob says nothing happened. Though why he would admit something like that is beyond me. Regardless, Rob is scared Kristen might get all pissy when she comes home and be all *makes constipated face* and now he’s trying to save their relationship by… buying her a diamond ring? What? I’m sure there are 20 other ways to look less guilty than proposing marriage. If I was Rob, I’d just laugh it off. But try not to do a forced laugh for 5 minutes straight because then it gets suspicious. And, frankly, sort of awkward.

The end of the Twilight franchise couldn’t come soon enough as far as Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed are concerned. The two used to be friends but then Nikki Reed banged Robert Pattinson causing Kristen Stewart’s face to get even more constipated looking. Is that possible?

The feud began over their costar, KStew’s longtime love, Robert Pattinson. “Kristen has never forgiven Nikki for the fling she had with Rob,” the source explains, even in spite of Nikki’s recent marriage to American Idol alum Paul McDonald.

“Kristen never confronted Rob about the affair; she just put the blame on Nikki and accused her of pursuing him.” Radar Online

Nikki has her own problem with Kristen. Nikki thinks Kristen, is, like, soooo fake. Can someone get me out of this teen diary?

The insider also reveals that Nikki has another problem with Kristen — her hypocritical attitude toward stardom. “Nikki’s the most down-to-earth actress you’ll ever meet,” says the source. “Kristen acts like she can’t be bothered with fame, yet she lives for all the press about her and Rob.”

Kristen acts like she hates the fame that comes with acting but you know that chick has a scrapbook of all the Us and PEOPLE articles about her and Rob. And that she’s gone back through them and cut out Nikki Reed’s head from every picture.

Michelle Trachtenberg starred in Buffy the Vampire Slayer and most recently Gossip Girl and Weeds. Us Weekly caught up with her and found out she was first pick to star as Bella in Twilight, Kristen Stewart’s most famous role, and was even first pick to star in Thirteen, Evan Rachel Wood’s breakout role. None of those worked out because of her other projects.

“There was definitely interest here and there because there’s only so few pale girls in Hollywood,” she explained.

“I’ve known [director] Catherine Hardwicke since the movie Thirteen,” she said. “I was actually supposed to star in that, but I was on Buffy at the time.” (Hardwicke, who went on to directed the very first Twilight film in 2009, directed the saga’s star Nikki Reed in the 2003 drama and Evan Rachel Wood played the film’s primary character. Reed cowrote the gritty screenplay.)

So why did Reed, Kristen Stewart and Ashley Greene end up as Breaking Dawn’s leading ladies instead of Trachtenberg? “I guess schedules never worked out,” she explained.

“I already have Buffy,” she added. “I’ve already done the vampire thing.” Us Weekly

“That’s cool. I didn’t need those millions of dollars, adoring fans and new career opportunities anyway. Like P.Diddy says, ‘Mo money, mo problems.’” *Quietly sobs into hands*

It wouldn’t be Twilight without 50 premieres in one week. Here’s Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson and that scrunchy-faced Taylor Lautner at the UK premiere. Everyone gives Kristen sh*t for being tomboyish but she looks sort of pretty here. Granted, she still looks extremely uncomfortable in public but I’d be too if someone not named me was looking for the perfect opportunity to spike her drink. Hypothetically. Am I using that word right?

Naturally, Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner showed up to the Twilight premiere as well. Kristen supposedly stole the show wearing a split dress which showed off her pale legs.

For her premiere look, Stewart (with her tresses pulled up) donned a long, sequined J. Mendel gown with a sexy, thigh-high slit that accentuated her legs and towering Jimmy Choo heels. Finishing up the look was a dazzling Neil Lane ring — amethyst, diamonds and platinum — worth $38,000 Us

Hubba hubba said the fake vampire to the other fake vampire.

The trailer for Kristen Stewart and Charlize Theron’s Snow White and the Huntsman are out and what you thought you knew about Snow White, forget about it because this has nothing to do with Snow White at all save for an evil queen talking into a mirror. Be prepared to suspend disbelief while you watch Kristen Stewart fighting in full body armor which weighs more than she does. Kristen doesn’t look like she could curl a donut much less wear a medieval suit of armor.

Chris Hemsworth is in this too so if you’re a big fan of him swinging a large weapon around, you must be in heaven.

Here’s Kristen Stewart in a Flaunt photoshoot. Kristen and Flaunt go well together. Flaunt knows trashy glam and Kristen seems like the type to love trashy glam. She’s the type of girl who, if she’s forced to dress up, will dress up like this. Just enough to conform but with enough “edge” to make it seem like she’s not conforming. She’s a rebel. A rebel who works within the rules. So more like a politician. I don’t know where I’m going with this. Just look at the pretty pictures, will ya.