Lindsay Lohan’s movie Labor Pains was supposed to jump start her career. Except it hasn’t and it won’t. That’s because the comedy in which she plays a woman faking a pregnancy in order to avoid being fired skipped theatres and went straight to cable. Not even good cable. ABC Family cable. Cable that had to cut out a lot of the “adult” scenes.

Promotion for the film hasn’t been stellar either. Did you know it premieres this weekend? It is and it looks just as bad as you’d imagine. Check out the original trailer and re-cut trailer below. Also check out the tag line ABC Family decided to use. “All her career needs is a little bump.” A reference to Lindsay’s love of cocaine? That’s clever. You know what else would also be clever? Making this film watchable. [WSJ]

Lindsay Lohan stars in the upcoming Labor Pains which revolves around a woman faking her pregnancy to avoid being fired from her job. It’s being touted as her comeback role. And I guess it is if by “comeback” you mean “returning to movies.” Check out the trailer. The acting is amazing, the script is 100% original and the voiceover guy doesn’t sound cheesy at all. So, if you’re into quietly sobbing in theatres as you contemplate choking the laughing couple in front of you, you should go watch it.

When you’ve fallen from grace like Lindsay Lohan, the best way to get back on top is to have some guy grab your boob and make-out with you. Take note, ladies.

[Lindsay Lohan on the set of Labor Pains. Image via Splash News]

Lindsay Lohan hopes to turn her life around with her new movie, Labor Pains, about a young woman (Lindsay) who pretends to be pregnant so she doesn’t get fired. Now Lindsay is one step closer to realizing her dream as she has found someone to insure, albeit with a lot of vouching from the film’s producer, Rick Schwartz. Rush & Molloy call the script hilarious and exclaim that this could bring Lindsay’s career back on track.

According to the screenplay we’ve obtained, Lohan plays a young woman who pretends to be pregnant so she doesn’t get fired. She thrives on the attention she’s getting despite “carrying a volleyball around on her stomach.” We don’t want to be spoilers, but the script is hilarious.

The movie will be made whether or not there’s an actors strike, since the union gave Schwartz a waiver, Variety reported.

Lindsay was never that great of an actress. She’s not some fallen star who has a chance at a great comeback. The one decent movie she was in was Mean Girls and that movie sucked. After that, it was all downhill. Herbie, I Know Who Killed Me, Georgia Rules. Lindsay’s body of work belongs more in sadomasochistic rituals than in AFI’s top 100.

Don’t even ask me what she’s doing with Dennis Hopper either. I have no clue.