I’m just going to come out and say it. Emma Watson’s commercial for Lancome’s Tresor Midnight Rose sucks hard. I have a distaste for perfume ads to begin with but this one takes the cake. And this is after having seen Khloe and Lamar’s.

The fact that it’s 1 minute 46 seconds long doesn’t help either. Neither does the lack of story or the fact it was directed by a child. It was right? Because that’s the only way one can explain the end where the guy’s hat floats onto Emma Watson’s head. What is this? How did I end up in a 12-year-old girl’s Trapper Keeper?

When you choose a face for your product line, it’s always best to find a celebrity who doesn’t need an elite unit of the world’s top Photoshoppers to be assembled. L’Oréal would have been wise to follow that rule of thumb because they’re now forced to pull their ad campaigns featuring Julia Roberts and Christy Turlington. This after complaints made by Liberal Democrat MP Jo Swinson who called the ads “fake and gay.”

Actually, Swinson said the images of the two celebrities have been so digitally manipulated that they were “not representative of the results the product could achieve.”

Swinson, who has waged a long-running campaign against “overly perfected and unrealistic images” of women in adverts, lodged complaints with the Advertising Standards Authority about the magazine campaigns for L’Oréal-owned brands Lancôme and Maybelline. The ASA ruled that both ads breached the advertising standards code for exaggeration and being misleading and banned them from future publication.

L’Oréal’s two-page ad featuring Roberts, who is the face of Lancôme, promoted a foundation called Teint Miracle, which it claims creates a “natural light” that emanates from beautiful skin. It was shot by renowned fashion photographer Mario Testino. The ad for Maybelline featured Turlington promoting a foundation called The Eraser, which is claimed to be an “anti-ageing” product. In the ad, parts of Turlington’s face are shown covered by the foundation while other parts are not, in order to show the effects of the product. [The Guardian]

L’Oréal admitted to altering the pictures in post-production but argued the changes were not “directly relevant” and that the ad was an “aspirational picture.” They then argued that the two were naturally beautiful and gave the ASA (Advertising Standards Authority) pictures of the women on the red carpet as proof.

L’Oréal wouldn’t provide the pre-production photos of Julia Roberts because of contractual agreements. And because she looked like hell in those. Whatever the case, the red carpet photos are no doubt just as good. It’s not like they went through hours of hair and makeup beforehand or anything.

Here’s Emma Wattson completing more filming for her Lancome ad. These are a little underwhelming. They dressed her like a dude. In fact, she sort of looks like Justin Bieber with a lot of makeup. Between her short hair and this, my penis and I are not happy. And you wouldn’t like it if my penis and I weren’t happy…

Emma Watson dropped out of Brown last week to focus on promoting the final installment of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and other projects. On her official website, she says it’s only temporary.

Hi everyone

As you know, I love Brown and I love studying pretty much more than anything but recently I’ve had so much to juggle that being a student AND fulfilling my other commitments has become a little impossible.

I’ve decided to take a bit of time off to completely finish my work on Harry Potter (the last one comes out this summer) and to focus on my other professional and acting projects. I will still be working towards my degree… it’s just going to take me a semester or two longer than I thought : )

Hope you are all well! Thank you for all your continuing support.

Emma xx

Anyway, one of the official projects she may have been talking about was becoming the new face of Lancome. In a statement released Monday,

“Lancôme is pleased to announce the arrival of Emma Watson as new ambassadress of Lancôme. “Thanks to her charm, romanticism and her incredible modernity, Emma Watson has become the icon of her generation. we are delighted by this new collaboration with Emma who brings a fresh spirit to Lancôme”, says Youcef Nabi, President of Lancôme International.”

She’s already started filming ads for them (photos below).

If I were her and I landed all these gigs, I wouldn’t go back to school either. School is hard. All that reading and studying and waking up early because you forgot to register for classes on time. Standing in front of a camera while someone tells you exactly what to do is much easier. At least that’s what I tell all the hot coeds at the college where I pretend to be a big time casting agent.

In April 2000, Uma Thurman signed a two-year deal with French cosmetics giant Lancome in which she would make $5.8 million for the first two years and $3.1 million for each additional year. The contract lapsed and Lancome affiliates continued to use Uma’s name and face to promote their products. Uma demanded $1 million for the unauthorized use. Now Lancome, in a surprise move, has filed suit against Uma Thurman. The suit alleges “the contract relieves the company of responsibility if third parties use her name and face after the contract lapses.” Uma’s lawyer responded with:

“I thought we were negotiating in good faith,” Fields said Thursday. “I guess the French decided to strike a pre-emptive blow.”

I was confused when I read this because initially I thought Lancome sued Uma for being so ugly. Evidently, that was not the case, but it should have been.