Larry King turned 78 last month meaning his time is nearing an end. So it’s no surprise he’s getting his affairs in order. Namely, figuring out where his cryogenically frozen body will be stored until they can find a cure for whatever kills him. Hey, I see you backing away slowly. Get back here.

During a Dinner With the Kings TV special set to air Sunday, Larry says, “My biggest fear is death, because I don’t think I’m going anywhere. And since I don’t think that, and I don’t have a belief… I want to be frozen, in the hope that they’ll find whatever I died of and they’ll bring me back.”

Not sure they’ll ever find a cure for being batsh*t crazy but it’s his money, he can throw it away on whatever he wants. Personally, I was hoping it would have been on hookers and blow and some new clothes so he stops looking like like Benjamin Button and freaking me out.

After 25 years, Larry King will end his CNN show this fall. Larry wants to spend more time with his family and watch his kids’ baseball games. His statement:

Before I start the show tonight, I want to share some personal news with you. 25 years ago, I sat across this table from New York Governor Mario Cuomo for the first broadcast of Larry King Live.

Now, decades later, I talked to the guys here at CNN and I told them I would like to end Larry King Live, the nightly show, this fall and CNN has graciously accepted, giving me more time for my wife and I to get to the kids’ little league games.

I’ll still be a part of the CNN family, hosting several Larry King specials on major national and international subjects.

I’m incredibly proud that we recently made the Guinness Book of World Records for having the longest running show with the same host in the same time slot. With this chapter closing I’m looking forward to the future and what my next chapter will bring, but for now it’s time to hang up my nightly suspenders.

Sad, really. Who else is going to interview vapid whores like Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan and make it seem somewhat credible? On the bright side, he doesn’t have to adhere to the dress code and can wear those awesome leather jackets he loves so much. The staff probably also got tired of Larry icing them and tea bagging them when they fell asleep on the couch.

Seriously though. Larry looks like a goblin trying to fit in with the human race.

[Fame]

A preview clip of Chris Brown’s interview with Larry King was released yesterday. In it, Brown said he didn’t remember that night he beat Rihanna. Today, Brown says j/k, he does remember and that he only said he didn’t because of Larry King. Damn that Larry King. Always forcing people to say what they don’t mean. In a statement released today, Brown said:

There have been reports on the Internet that I didn’t remember what happened that night with Rihanna. I want to try and set things straight.

That 30 seconds of the interview they used of me was taken from a one hour interview during which that same question was asked something like 4 or 5 times — and when you look at the entire interview you will see it is not representative of what I said.

The first four times – or how ever many times it was – I gave the same answer — which was that I didn’t think it was appropriate for me to talk about what happened that night. I said it was not right for me and it really wasn’t fair to Rihanna. The fifth time – or whatever it was – I just misspoke. I was asked, “Do you remember doing it?” and I said, “No.”

Of course I remember what happened. Several times during the interview, my mother said that I came to her right afterwards and told her everything. But it was and still is a blur. And yes, I still can’t believe it happened because it is not me or who I am or is what happened like anything I have ever done before.

As I have said several times previously, I am ashamed of and sorry for what happened that night and I wish I could relive that moment and change things, but I can’t. I take full responsibility for my actions. What I have to do now is to prove to the world that this was an isolated incident and that is not who I am and I intend to do so by my behavior now and in the future.

Yea, I guess it wouldn’t be fair to Rihanna. You know what else wouldn’t be fair to Rihanna? Punching her repeatedly in the face, choking her, biting her fingers and then running away.

Remember when Chris Brown punched Rihanna in the face a thousand times, almost choked her to the point of unconsciousness and left her covered in blood? Well, Chris Brown doesn’t. His memory is a little fuzzy.

In a pre-taped interview with Larry King scheduled to air Wednesday, Larry asked if he remembered doing that. Chris responded, “No. I don’t… It’s like, it’s crazy to me, wow.”

In Chris’s defense, you don’t remember what you wore on the first Tuesday six months ago so how could you possibly expect Chris to remember what he did back in February. He’s not a damn elephant. Larry King should have asked him easier questions like what his favorite color is, what designer he’s wearing and when his next album drops. That would have made for a much more compelling interview.

Joe Jackson was on Larry King last night discussing various topics regarding Michael. One of the questions Larry asked was whether there was any truth to the allegations that he beat his son.

Joe said he never did and that beating started during the days of slavery where slave masters beat and tortured the slaves. Also, a lot of parents spank there kids.

Half of what Joe said was indecipherable and at one point I could have sworn he asked for an ice cream cone, but all in all, that was quite an infallible argument. How do you respond to that? In your face, Larry King. You got served.

If you look real close, you can see Satan propping himself up on Oprah’s shoulders.

Tom Cruise tried to persuade Larry King to join his cult of Scientology. Cruise took Larry on a personal tour of Scientology’s Hollywood museum ominously called Psychiatry: An Industry of Death. It’s an exhibit exposing the evils of psychiatry for those that don’t quite get it. King has never shied away from talking about his battle with depression or his use of anti-depressants. So what does he think of the trendy religion?

“I like Tom a lot,” King told the Palm Beach Post in discussing the tour, but adds he disagrees with the actor’s and Scientology’s position on anti-depressants and psychiatry. The church blames the latter on everything from patients’ suicides to the Holocaust. “Their attack on psychiatry is incredible. They hate psychiatry.”

Scientology is going downhill. They used to woo hot young stars like Will Smith and Jennifer Lopez. Now they’re going for the easily deceived elderly. The only problem is even they know Scientology is a sham. You could print out a bill on binder paper, mail it to some old person and nine times out of ten, they’d pay it. But take them on a tour of this exhibit and they’d twirl their finger around their ear and go “Cuuuuckooo Cuuuuckoo.” Then they’d forget where they were and probably break their hip.

Sheesh the site was slow yesterday. I’ll be moving hosts soon, very soon. Probably during Christmas when the only people visiting this site are drunk and choking on their own vomit.

1. Larry King loves Christmas. Yes! We found the real Scrooge. [CityRag]
2. The Shrek 3 trailer is…um. Is this series still going on? [Celebitchy]
3. Lindsay Lohan won’t be back on Oprah? Who invited her in the first place? [The Evil Beet]
4. Ron Goldman’s father is suing O.J. Simpson. Luckily O.J. is still a millionaire because of his untouchable pension. [Gawker]
5. John Travolta is fat, but not phat. [Celebslam]
6. Heather Graham isn’t what she used to be. [Celebrity Smack]
7. The Pursuit of Happiness may be worth watching. [Pajiba]
8. Adriana Lima vs. Kelly Brook. I vote Kelly Brook all the way. [The Bastardly]