Taylor Lautner is suing McMahon’s RV for failing to deliver a fully loaded trailer worth $30,000 to him by the agreed upon date of June 21. Lautner claims McMahon’s RV breached contract and caused him “emotional distress” and “annoyance.”

Wait. You can sue for being annoyed? Well I’m annoyed at Jessica Alba for not letting me sleep with her. I’d like to sue for that. According to this contract, we should have had sex three weeks ago. What? Seems fake? No, sir. It’s written in crayon because that’s the only writing instrument I we had around at the time. I even had it notarized. Don’t you see the Hello Kitty! sticker on the bottom right?

Not only is Lindsay delusional, but so are all the Lohans. Speaking to Page Six, Dina Lohan said that the E-Trade commercial featuring a boyfriend-stealing milkaholic baby named Lindsay gave the real Lindsay the sads. Hence, why they now want $100 million in pain and suffering.

“She said, ‘Mommy, help me. This is wrong. How can they do this?’ ” Dina Lohan said of a tearful phone call with her 23-year-old daughter after the big game.

“They’re little babies doing this, mocking another child who’s just trying to survive Hollywood, basically,” Dina Lohan said.

“I’m just basically glad I took a stand. I’m not going to let them do this to us anymore,” Dina Lohan said of the “horrible” and “mean” ad.

She said that the ad was clearly aimed at her daughter because unlike other stars, her daughter’s first name is synonymous with the “Herbie Fully Loaded” actress.

“Everyone knows Lindsay, like Cher or Madonna,” Dina Lohan said. But Grey Group, which produced the ad, insists that — unlike Oprah or Cher — Lindsay is a popular baby name. In fact, company spokesman Chris Brown said that someone working on the spot shared the name as well.

Whatever Lindsay and Dina are smoking, it must be fantastic. Let me guess, right after the commercial ended, Lindsay turned to her unicorn named Rainbow Brite and asked, “That commercial was about me, wasn’t it?”

The only difference between Lindsay and a crazy person is that instead of seeing secret messages from the CIA, Lindsay sees dollar signs.

Lindsay Lohan was most recently fired from her fake position as artistic director at Ungaro. Suffice to say, she needs money. What better way to get it than from a frivolous lawsuit?

Lindsay is suing E-Trade for that talking baby commercial that debuted during the Super Bowl which features a boyfriend stealing milkaholic baby named Lindsay. She’s asking for $100 million for pain and suffering.

The commercial depicts a baby apologizing to his baby girlfriend about not calling the night before. The girlfriend asks, “and that milkaholic Lindsay wasn’t over?” Then baby Lindsay pops into frame to say, “Milk-a-what?”

Lohan’s lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, alleges Lindsay has single-name recognition like Oprah or Madonna and that E-trade is profiting off a parody of her life. “They used the name Lindsay,” Ovadia said. “They’re using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn’t they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody’s talking about it and saying it’s Lindsay Lohan.” Ovadia wants an injunction to stop the spots from running.

The people who produced the ad said they “just used a popular baby name that happened to be the name of someone on the account team.”

Ovadia argues that E-Trade violated Lindsay’s rights and used her “name and characterization” in business without paying or getting approval.

Bwahaha. Lindsay must be real hard-up for cash and high if she thinks she has single-name recognition. This is the dumbest lawsuit ever. You could open up a book of baby names and Lindsay would be the first thing you’d see. Lindsay was the 380th most popular baby name in 2008 according to the Social Security Administration. That may seem low, but that doesn’t even factor in alternate spellings like Lindsey or Lindsi or however the hell people spell it to be unique.

Only Lindsay would try something as stupid as this. When she loses, she’ll probably find a drunk chick named Lindsay stumbling out of a club at 4 AM high on coke and having just choked down a penis in a bathroom stall and slap her with a lawsuit alleging she’s parodying her life without paying royalties.

Now that Avatar has earned a billion dollars, people are coming out of the woodwork to sue James Cameron claiming his film too closely resembles their works of fiction. For example, Zhou Shaomou tells China Daily that 80% of the plot and key elements of Avatar were ripped straight from his 1997 Sci-Fi novel Tale of the Blue Crows.

It tells the story of an epic journey taken by six astronauts to a distant planet which is home to a race of blue-skinned beings.

“I wrote in my novel that their space journey took them six years but in Cameron’s movie the journey takes them five years, nine months and 22 days. I was shocked when I first saw that. It is too close.”

“I realise that no-one knows me in China but I insist on fighting for my copyright,” he said. “Over ten million people have read my book over the internet.

“Nobody was supportive and many asked why someone as famous as Cameron would copy an obscure work from a little-known author. I really wanted to argue back, ‘Why not?’”

Yes, a film Cameron spent 10 years making and which any Dungeons and Dragons dork could have come up with while living in their parent’s basement was specifically lifted from an obscure internet novel from 1997.  The similarities being space travel, the time frame of 6 years vs five years, nine months and 22 days and blue aliens. I think this guy has a rock solid case against Cameron. You should probably make friends with him now before he wins his millions and starts getting suspicious.

A shareholder is suing Hugh Hefner alleging he loves banging blondes more than he loves running a successful company. In 1999, Playboy stock was at $36 a share. Today it closed at $3.14. The shareholder claims the company is going down faster than Paris Hilton at a industry party and that Hugh sabotaged two promising deals in the last 6 months to sell at a fair price.

In the lawsuit, an investment company that analyzed Playboy’s business sent a note stating “we think the wildcard here is Hugh Hefner.” The note continues, “If you were Hugh Hefner, 81, would you give up the parade of busty blonds, the fancy mansion and the reality TV show for a payout?”

The suit goes on … “Hefner has continued to live the good life and make sure everyone knows it. Hefner remains in the limelight, showing up at media events and at the Playboy mansion … with his girlfriends by his side.”

No way Hugh is giving up his lifestyle. I wouldn’t either. He’s 81 and still dating 20-somethings and living in a mansion. This is like a guy’s fairytale come true. The only thing cooler than this would be being able to have sex with them without falling asleep midway through. And also maybe owning a 10 story fire-breathing robot.

Only days after stripping naked and going on a crazy rant on UStream, Tila Tequila has become quite the modest lady. She’s threatening to sue the site 4tube.com which posted part of a sex tape Tila said was on a laptop stolen from her two years ago. Says Tila’s lawyer Cyrus Nownejad,

“A police report has been filed for Tila’s stolen laptop computer which contained that specific clip. I am currently in the process of sending a cease and desist letter and a notice of intent to sue if it’s not removed.”

Oh, whatever. The day Tila Tequila finds shame in a leaked sex tape is the day Kirstie Alley sues a buffet for having too much food.

Back in August, Joe Francis pulled Jayde Nicole to the ground by her hair after she apparently dumped a drink on him. Today, Joe filed suit against Jayde claiming she threatened to kill him.

Francis claims he was minding his own business walking through the club when Jayde hit him in the head, threw a drink on him and threatened to kill him. Francis says he was “startled and shocked” and when he saw Jayde reaching for a bottle in a possible attempt to make good on her promise, Joe says he grabbed her hair “in self-defense.” Obviously, Jayde only fell to the floor because she lost balance on her high heels. Francis claims that when he went out of the club, Brody Jenner attacked him.

Because Joe is a whiny douchebag, he’s suing them both for battery, assault, negligence, slander, libel and false light. Makes sense. I too would be afraid of a Playboy centerfold half my weight. Imagine the damage she could do if she could summon enough strength from the two carrots she eats per day to ball her hands into a tight enough fist. She might have punched Joe in the face with the power of a fruit fly. Yikes!

Paris Hilton went to court with her lawyers in Miami on Thursday to defend against a lawsuit claiming she failed to adequately promote National Lampoon’s Pledge This! Of course, Paris thinks this is horseshit. She promoted the hell out of it. Every opportunity she got, she would mention how sexy the film was. They’re suing for $8 million from Hilton and her entertainment company.

As long as Paris doesn’t speak, this could go either way. But if she even opens her mouth, it’ll be over. The judge is going to bang his gavel and sentence Paris to nine months in jail for “being so goddamn annoying.”

Lindsay Lohan released a fake tan called Sevin Nyne this summer claiming she and celebrity air-brush tan artist Lorit Simon co-created it over the past three years. Now a St. Petersburg chemist named Jennifer Sunday says Lohan and Simon stole the formula from her. The ingredients of the tanning mist include goji berry, caramel, Chardonnay extracts and a sugar-coconut base. She’s suing Lohan, Simon and Simon’s company for breach of contract, theft of trade secrets, civil conspiracy, intentional interference with contractual relations and deceptive and unfair trade practices.

Simon signed a confidentiality agreement in January with Sunday’s company, White Wave International Labs. A copy of the agreement was included in the lawsuit. The suit says Simon and Sunday had been negotiating over samples of the tanning mist, but the sides couldn’t agree on a price.

“The next thing we know, Lorit Simon and Lindsay Lohan are partnering and Ms. Lohan is taking credit for developing this formula, which she indeed had no role in,” Cohen said.

Whatever the case may be, one thing we know for sure is Lindsay had no hand in formulating this spray. Have you seen her for the past three years? All she’s done is get wasted and get into car crashes. The most she ever did for this was look through the produce and fruit section at Von’s, pick up celery, bananas, onions and ginger, bring it to Simon and tell her, “Here. I found new ingredients.” Lindsay had about as much to do with creating Sevin Nyne as you did creating Gatorade from Gatorade powder and water.

Robert Rosen is suing both Chris Brown and LA Fitness for assault, battery, intentional infliction of emotional distress, negligence, premises liability and false imprisonment. Rosen alleges that on March 13 Brown’s bodyguards took exception to Rosen taking pictures of Brown while he played basketball. Rosen tried to run, but an LA Fitness employee blocked his escape. The employee grabbed him causing him to fall down the stairs. Rosen then claims one of Chris’ bodyguards “picked him up by his shorts and physically assaulted him, causing further injuries.” Rosen is seeking damages for a bunch of stuff.

Way to take pictures of strangers on private property and then sue them for it when they didn’t even lay a hand on you. That’ll go over real well in court. There’s no way this guy is squeezing a cent from Chris Brown. Rosen should be scared too. Did he see what Chris did to that poor, defenseless girl? Don’t think Chris won’t beat the shit out of another poor, defenseless girl.

Update: Well, there goes his case.

Worldwide Entertainment Group is suing Paris Hilton to the tune of $8.3 million for failing to promote National Lampoon’s Pledge This! as agreed upon. Hilton disagrees with the allegations saying she promoted it, like, all the time. Paris stated in her deposition:

“Any chance I got . . . I would just bring it up,” by saying, “Oh, my new sorority film, it’s going to be sexy, it’s going to be really hot girls.”

What a ringing endorsement. It’s a mystery how this film wasn’t a success. With that kind of publicity, I’d imagine people would be piling into video rental stores demanding a copy of Pledge This! “We must have this film involving really hot sorority girls,” said those three stoned teenagers.

For whatever reason, not only did they put their faith in Paris to publicize the movie, they also made her a producer. Sadly, Paris doesn’t really know what those people do besides get their name in the credits and make a lot of money. Paris said: “I’m not sure what a producer does, but — I don’t know, help get cool people in the cast.”

Yes, Paris. That’s exactly what a producer does. Now, why don’t you be a good girl and put on this pointy hat, sit in that corner and eat your cookie. Grown-ups are talking here.

Victoria Principal of Dallas fame is being sued for pulling a gun on her maid and threatening to kill her. Maribel Banegas, the maid, claims that she took Victoria’s dog for a walk only to come back to an angry Victoria wondering why it took so long.

Banegas explained the dog wouldn’t do his business, but that explanation didn’t cut it so Victoria fired her. When Banegas made the mistake of asking for her final check, Victoria went upstairs, got her gun and “then pointed and aimed at the maid.”

Victoria asked another housekeeper nearby to “stand aside in order that she could kill the plaintiff.”

Maribel Banegas is suing for an unspecified amount alleging assault, false imprisonment and emotional distress.

In Victoria’s defense, Maribel made Mei-Ling, the dog, late for her gown fitting. Do you know how hard it’d be to get another appointment?

[Image: Splash News]

Two alleged former employees, a makeup artist and a fashion stylist, are suing Queen Latifah today claiming she cheated them out of $1 million.

Roxanna Floyd says she’s out $700,000 after Latifah didn’t pay her from July 2005 to February 2008.

Stylist Susan Moses alleges the same thing but says she lost $300,000 during that time.

A spokeswoman for Latifah said the lawsuits have no merit.

That makeup artist and stylist deserve to lose their money. Normal people sue when they aren’t paid after a month. These people worked for three years for free. Either they were huge optimists or huge retards. A good way to see which they are is to tell them the courthouse is located on 123 Fake St. and see if they Mapquest it.

[Image via Splash News]