Back in August, Linda Hogan perpetuated the rumor that Hulk Hogan carried on a gay relationship with with fellow wrestler Brutus Beefcake. The story made an appearance in her book Wrestling the Hulk. Linda also wrote that the Hulkster ran wild on her on more than one occasion. Hulk Hogan has now filed a defamation lawsuit saying these are all lies.

“After the four-year crazy divorce I thought I’d heard everything I could hear in the courtroom. Then, all of a sudden she says I abused her, that I was violent. She told everybody that I was a homosexual.”

“If any of that was true, I would admit it, and (if) I was a homosexual I would embrace it. It’s just so crazy to hear, so I have a real problem with it… If you’re going to say I’m something that I’m not to try to ruin my career and my livelihood… I have to answer her back. It’s so ridiculous. I don’t mean to laugh about it, because it’s not funny. But it’s insane. It doesn’t make any sense to me.” Telegraph

Hogan then explained that just because he and Brutus were besties, it didn’t make their relationship gay and that, sometimes, wrestlers just had to share and sniff each others jockstraps. Okay, I made that up but it could be true.

That’s Brooke Hogan in a bikini up top because I got lazy searching for Hulk Hogan pictures.

I always picture pro wrestlers as slightly homophobic. Sure, they play grapple with each other in tights, probably shower together and run around naked whipping each other with rat tails, but I imagine if one of them even grazes another’s penis just once, it’s fag this fag that because manly men don’t touch other dudes’ wangs. So I take this rumor with a grain of salt.

Linda Hogan was on Matty P’s Radio Happy Hour where she was asked a question taken from a fan email. It alleged Hulk Hogan carried on an “intimate relationship” with Brutus Beefcake. Linda needed publicity for her book so she said,

“Wow, I don’t know how to answer this, so I don’t end up getting a lawsuit,” she said, laughing. “A little bird told me, ‘Yes they think they did.’”

To be fair, Brutus Beefcake is a pretty gay name so I can see why someone would think that. It’s like being a kid named Scooter. How can you not expect someone to steal your lunch money?

Linda Hogan has a new memoir out, Wrestling the Hulk: My Life Against the Ropes, and she appeared on Today Tuesday to talk about it. Well, part of her autobiography talked about how abusive Hulk Hogan was which Linda attributed to Hulk’s constant dependence on prescribed medication such as pain pills, anti-inflammatories and steroids. Combined, “it makes somebody… you don’t know what you’re dealing with.”

“[Hulk] tore my shirt. He threw lamps. He held me down on the bed with his hands around my throat during arguments, slamming doors, pounding walls,” she writes. “I was always afraid he would kill me in one of his rages.”

When anchor Matt Lauer asked Linda if her then-husband would apologize once his anger subsided, she replied, “He did not feel remorse, and to this day he’s never apologized for any of actions. That is something that scared me. I did not want to be a statistic like Nicole Simpson

Linda decided to keep quiet about her husband’s rage issues because “I was afraid to say anything. Had I said something, the carpet would have been pulled up underneath his career. I don’t know what my kids would have done. They were little at the time. It’s a very scary position. You don’t know how far they’re going to go. One fight can escalate and turn into something else.” [Us]

*Cues “I Am a Real American”, runs to Matt Lauer, hits him with steel chair, tears shirt in half, tears Linda’s shirt in half* I wonder if before every hissy fit Hulk threw, he asked Linda what she would do if Hulkamania runs wild on her. If he did, do you think the answer would have always been “go into the fetal position and cry?” I’m assuming it would.

Fame says Brooke and Linda Hogan were in Miami before heading out of town. They also ask if Linda was giving Brooke fashion advice. Probably because they’re wearing similar clothing. But besides that, what style advice if any could Linda give Brooke? To use duct tape when she tucks her 10-incher between her legs?

50-year-old Linda Hogan is marrying her 21-year-old boyfriend Charlie Hill next summer on a boat appropriately named “Alimony.” They started dating when Charlie was 19. To give you a frame of reference, her daughter Brooke Hogan is only 22. and her son Nick is only 19.

Ugh, this is so gross. Charlie probably has to use a gallon of lube just to enter that dusty old trap Linda calls a vagina. Her crotch must be all dry and wrinkly like a mummy. I bet when you take off Linda’s panties, a puff of old, stale air rushes out.

Hulk Hogan and Linda Hogan have reached a settlement in their divorce case thus reaching a conclusion to the one-sided slam war that Linda and her publicist were waging. Though the terms will not be released, the two said in court on Tuesday morning that both parties were happy with them. The divorce was finalized then and there.

No animosity lingered as Linda and Hulk even parted with a kiss on the cheek. The only remaining issue is who’s going to pay for Brooke Hogan’s sex change. The adam’s apple removal went well, but who’s going to pay for removal of the penis? Brooke can’t keep tucking forever.

Here’s Brooke performing at Opium. I linked to these yesterday, but in case you didn’t experience the horror, here you go.

Speaking to Rolling Stone, Hulk Hogan said he understands why OJ Simpson wanted to cut some throats. According to Hulk, since Linda filed for divorce, he’s been kicked out of his $18 million mansion, had his money spent at a rate of $40,000 a month and can’t do anything about a 19-year-old “shaggy haired pool boy” having sex with his wife in his bed.

“I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like OJ, cutting everybody’s throat,” he told the magazine. “You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can’t go to anymore, you’re driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife . . . I totally understand OJ. I get it.”

This probably isn’t the best thing to say during an ongoing divorce. The judge might take it the wrong way. Maybe Hulk can explain that he means sometimes he feels like LOVINGLY stabbing his wife. With knife shaped rainbows. That way he’ll look whimsical instead of like a bloodthirsty lunatic.

Hulk Hogan and Linda Hogan’s lawyer had a showdown in the courtroom following a hearing about how he believes Hogan is squandering his $10 million by spending it on limos and paying his girlfriend $4,000 a month. Poor Hogan only has $412,000 in his bank account and owes $312,000 so he asked the judge to unfreeze $300,000 in marital assets to pay the bills including ones from the divorce, a personal injury lawsuit and business expenses. The judge let him have $225,000.

Afterward, Linda’s lawyer, Raymond Rafool was answering reporter’s questions when Hogan started arguing with him. Rafool, desperately trying to be funny, quipped, “Are you gonna wrestle with me here? Then be quiet!” The Hulkster continued to get into it with Rafool and smacked him with the fact he signed an autograph for his son earlier in the day. When Hogan left, Raymond joked, “Now I know what it’s like to be in the WWE.” Polite laughter shortly followed.

It would have been a lot funnier if Hogan came back, slapped his chest a few times, flying elbowed him off the top turnbuckle and hit him with a metal chair. That way his joke would have been slightly funny because at least it would be true. As it stands now, his comeback was about as amusing as an abortion. Which, coincidentally, describes what should have happened with his little winner of a line.

Hulk and Linda Hogan’s latest court appearance on Thursday was to determine whether Hulk had to pay for his ex-wife’s gardeners. Linda Hogan’s rep sent out a press release proudly informing everyone that the judge ordered Hogan to pay up, but that Linda still exited the hearing in tears.

The release goes on to accuse Hulk Hogan of being “obsessed with gathering information on [Linda]” and has interrogated neighbors, friends and family members leaving Linda with no privacy at all. Hulk is also allegedly hiding assets that he doesn’t want split in the divorce. They basically say Hulk this is all part of Hulk’s master plan to break Linda. From the release:

Hulk originally stated this should be a simple divorce of splitting the assets 50/50 since there are no custody issues. Linda’s attorneys have spent countless hours and resources trying to uncover hidden assets that Hulk doesn’t want split. Between Hulk’s BFF, a local DJ on the air reporting on her daily whereabouts and activities, coupled with his ongoing grilling of the neighbors, the caretakers for information, LINDA HAS NO PRIVACY.

Hulk’s strategy of resolving this simple divorce is to batter Linda emotionally with defaults of payment that cause court hearings like Thursday’s. Hulk is no stranger to this kind of emotional battery since this is just like his 1995 Kate Kennedy sexual battery case where he could have be charged with sexual battery, instead, he threatened to use “Linda’s rights to sue Kennedy” as a ploy to have the case turned around into an extortion case.

Poor Linda. If things don’t go her way, she might be left with $1 million which, if you think about it, is only $50 in celebrity currency. My god, what if she was forced to get a job. She’d have to make appearances at second rate events for around $50,000 a pop. Gasp! Oh, the humiliation. What will her boyfriend think? I mean, once his balls have dropped and he’s old enough to understand what’s going on?

Last week we left off with a report that Linda Hogan wanted her assets unfrozen for personal use despite receiving $40,000 in monthly alimony. TMZ did a little digging and discovered Linda actually needed that money to pay for her 19-year-old’s nautical school. She also spent $14,000 on a visit to a Beverley Hills Doctor’s office for cosmetic surgery. So, you can see why she’s in the poor house. It takes a lot of money to keep this beauty queen looking good

Linda Hogan should ask her doctor what’s up. For $14,000 I expect her to look like Megan Fox. As it stands, she looks like a gargoyle and is better suited sitting on top of old, public libraries. It’s like they injected her with pure, unfiltered ugly.

Despite receiving temporary alimony amounting to $40,000 per month, Hulk Hogan’s wife’s lawyer claims she’s broke and has requested the judge unfreeze some assets before her divorce is finalized for her own use. That probably won’t happen as the big jerk judge first wants “evidence” that Linda is actually broke in the form of bank statements. So anal.

Us says back in August, Hulk Hogan was ordered to pay for Linda’s cable, pest control, window washing and upkeep for their home. This begs the question, what type of opulent lifestyle does Linda Hogan lead that she uses up $40k a month? Does she have daily cucumber masks and stone massages from genuine Thai hookers flown direct from Bangkok? Does she splurge on age defying lotions made of ground baby elephant bones? Does she purchase skateboards and energy drinks for her “let’s get xtreme” boyfriend? Do tell, we’d like to know.

Having served 166 days of an 8-month sentence for putting his friend in a permanent vegetative state, Nick Hogan was released this morning at 12:30 AM in Clearwater, Florida. 74 days were shaved off for good behavior. Brooke immediately embraced Nick and raced him back home where he was greeted with a “thumping party, replete with loud music and cops surveying the scene.” No doubt as a way to celebrate the end of five and a half months of being a whiny bitch.

This morning, Linda Hogan released this statement asking for privacy.

“This is our time as a family to come together to support Nick’s adjustment back into the public life keeping it as normal as possible. Neither Nick, nor we as a family, has any interest in making this anything but private. We respect the media’s role and only ask that they respect our privacy.

“Nick went into prison as a juvenile and has experienced something that will mold and affect him for the rest of his adult life. His focus is to make a positive difference in this world, media free. Since his future actions will speak louder than any words, there is no need to speak to the media at this time.”

In order to readjust to normal life, Nick will spend the next year hanging out by the pool at his parents’ house contributing nothing to society until he receives a call from VH1 or MTV to do a reality show about readjusting to normal life. He will accept and then continue to lounge around for another year. But this time with cameras. During this transitional period, John Graziano will still be in the hospital also “lounging” around. See? John doesn’t have it so bad. Apart from that half a skull and unable to move thing.

[Brooke hugs Nick outside of jail. Image via Splash News]