Lindsay and Ali Lohan are finally telling their mom Dina the truth. That she’s ugly and nobody likes her. Though they put it in a much nicer way.

“My girls are always telling me to cut my hair,” Dina, 49, told Us Weekly at Randi Rahm’s Fashion Week cocktail party in NYC Wednesday. “You know, you think you’re fashion forward, and then you have children who are way more, but you make your own look [work]. But it’s hard when you’re girls are like, ‘Mom, you’re looking scary.’” Us Weekly

People in glass houses, etcetera, etcetera. Did Lindsay even look in a mirror before or after the amfAR gala? She looked like a 35-year-old Real Housewife on Ambien. But more disheveled.

Lindsay Lohan is broke and I’m beginning to think she starts these rumors of her “almost” being cast in films herself. Suffice to say, dignity left her a long time ago.

At the amfAR gala on Wednesday, Lindsay Lohan had her eyes on a “wealthy Canadian financier” at a nearby table. Smelling money like a truffle pig smells, er, truffles, Lindsay shuffled over to the Canadian’s table to work him over for a $20,000 piece of jewelry.

When bidding began, Lohan sent over an assistant who told him, “Lindsay would very much like it if you’d bid on this item as a gift.” The source said simply, “He just cracked up.” The Hublot diamond watch with a white alligator strap he bid on was won by someone else.

The assistant must not have said it right. You’re supposed to whisper it seductively into his ear and promise a handie in the bathroom afterward AND he won’t have to wait in line.

In other Lindsay is sad and pathetic news, she was overheard telling guests that she was there “because of her role playing Elizabeth Taylor, a major amfAR donor, in an upcoming Lifetime movie.” To which guests probably replied, “Sure you are sweetie,” and patted on her head before sending her on her merry way.

Lindsay Lohan showed up for the amFAR event looking bloated, disheveled and all around cracked out. It’s like someone kicked a box in an alleyway and gave the first homeless girl that scurried out a designer dress and put them in a limo to the amFAR gala.

Lindsay Lohan just sits around all day with nothing to do. So, when Terry Richardson calls asking her to go to the Chateau Marmont to take some pictures, she jumps at the chance. Though not before she finishes negotiations.

Her first question is how much she’ll get for it. Her follow-up question is whether or not that carton of cigarettes he’s promising is a full one. Not that it matters mind you because she’s so desperate, but she’d like to know beforehand.

Radar reported yesterday that Lindsay Lohan was visibly drunk at the Chateau Marmont last Sunday. Now “a source close to the actress” says Lindsay is “exploring her legal options with her attorneys because the false stories are sabotaging her effort to save her career.” What Dina Lohan means is Lindsay hasn’t had a job in a while and she could really use the cash.

Lindsay acknowledges she WAS at the party at the Chateau Marmot hotel in Hollywood Sunday night … but insists she was sitting with Alan Cumming the whole time and ONLY drank water. TMZ

Dina Lohan used to worry about which roles her daughter Lindsay should take. Now she just sues over the fake stories she plants.

Witnesses at the Chateau Marmont Sunday night say they saw Lindsay Lohan going in and out of a bathroom numerous times with a guy in a short amount of time and leaving with a red nose. Since Christmas is over, I assume this wasn’t an audition for Rudolph the Slut-Nosed Reindeer.

“Lindsay was spotted going to the restroom with a male companion on numerous occasions in a short amount of time,” an eyewitness told RadarOnline.com. “When the two of them emerged from the bathroom, Lindsay was giggling and her nose appeared red. Lindsay was spotted only drinking water in the lounge area, but she appeared to be loaded on something, and she seemed under the influence. Lindsay’s eyes were glassy and her pupils were constricted.”

A second eyewitness tells us that Lohan, wearing a plunging v-neck black dress, sans bra, on Sunday night: “was definitely on something. She was slurring her words, and needed help walking at one point in the course of the night.”

A third eyewitness tells Radar: “Lindsay was sitting on a chair adjacent to Harvey Weinstein’s party – his was roped off and she didn’t get past the rope. So she sat on the other side looking over. She looked bedraggled and desperate.”Radar Online

Bedraggled and desperate. Well, that’s a given. Isn’t that how she always is at an industry party? I imagine she sounds exactly like that homeless crackhead on Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood when she’s around Hollywood big wigs.

Back in 2010, a nanny claimed Lindsay Lohan blew through a red light in her Maserati hitting her and, in the process, the stroller she was pushing. A witness says 3 of the 4 wheels on the stroller went airborne. The child wasn’t injured but the nanny says she was and now she’s suing. Naturally. The witness told TMZ, “She was in shock and Hispanic so she was scared.”

I like how her being Hispanic is directly related to her being scared like she thought ICE was going to rush in and deport her at the request of Lindsay who wanted to keep things “on the down low.”

Lindsay Lohan says she’s in the mix for the role of Elizabeth Taylor in the upcoming Lifetime biopic but she may be up against stiff competition. Larry Thompson, executive producer of Lifetime’s Liz and Dick told E! News that, while he has been in talks with Lindsay and her reps, he’s also been talking to other actresses including Megan Fox.

“It’s a very serious selection,” Thompson continued. “It’s like casting for Hollywood royalty.” E! News

Apparently in this guy’s world, Hollywood royalty includes Lindsay Lohan and Megan Fox. And he must be talking about another Megan Fox because the real Megan Fox’s career isn’t falling so fast that she’s already being shuffled off the big screen and into Lifetime movies. Unless by talks he means “left a message on her machine begging for her to call him back” then, yea, in that case, I’m also in talks with Megan Fox and I assure you, my weeping is much more professional than that guy’s.

No one invites Lindsay Lohan to parties anymore but don’t worry, you’ll still be seeing her at them. Such as at the Weinstein Company hosted pre-Globes party last Wednesday at the Chateau Marmont in LA.

Lindsay didn’t get a formal invite per say but the existence of a backdoor was proof enough that they wanted her there. So she sneaked in through the hotel’s back entrance and “made her way to the front for photo ops” where Globe nominees Jean Dujardin, Berenice Bejo, Kenneth Granagh and Michelle Williams were having their pictures taken. Considering Lindsay’s dignity left her long ago, it’s safe to say she didn’t feel awkward at all.

Lindsay Lohan has quit trying to make that Marilyn Monroe thing work and has now moved on to another screen legend, Elizabeth Taylor. Lohan was previously tied to Deep Throat but after months of practice stifling her gag reflex, that part never materialized. Now she’s set to play the lead in Lifetime’s original movie Elizabeth & Richard: A Love Story.

Lohan has been compared to Taylor. In addition to their physical resemblance, a 2004 Slate story lists a host of other similarities: “Both had domineering stage mothers, little semblance of a real childhood, fame from a young age, substance abuse issues, public emotional outpourings, and copious amounts of tabloid drama. The key difference, though, is that Elizabeth Taylor had a true record of achievement before she became the most notorious movie star in America.” Deadline

Ouch. All that prep work for Deep Throat gone to waste. At least Lindsay can finally remove the sign pointing to her mouth that reads “dick goes here.” That girl really immerses herself in the subject matter.

A report earlier this week claimed Lindsay Lohan was ringing in the new year on the Queen Elizabeth 2 in Dubai. Another site confirmed Lindsay’s appearance.

However, sources say Lindsay is pissed because that’s not true and people are just trying to use her name to promote the NYE party on the famed yacht.

Lohan’s rep, Steve Honig, tells TMZ … “Lindsay is not going to Dubai, nor had she ever considered doing so. She will be spending New Year’s Eve in Los Angeles with a few close friends and family.” TMZ

Lindsay’s lawyers are sending out a cease and desist and are thinking about suing if the organizers continue to lie. Which is to be expected. Dina is probably frothing at the mouth hoping they keep using her name so they can sue for $300,000 in lost appearance fees. Though if you really want Lindsay to come to your party for free, just tear out pages from a script and make a trail to your club. She’s so desperate at this point, she’ll be picking them up one by one trying to collate them.

Just yesterday a “source close to Lindsay Lohan” said she was going to keep her NYE low key in order to show everyone she’s no longer a party girl.

Turns out there was an offer she couldn’t refuse. Because it was probably the only one. Instead of ringing in the new year with a few friends, she’ll be spending it on the legendary Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE2) yacht in Dubai partying with Pamela Anderson and former England cricketer Allan Lamb (yes THE Allan Lamb… who?) in what will promise to be a hep-filled night. The ship will be docked while thousands of local dignitaries, VIPs and royals party.

Apart from LiLo and Pamela, Liam Cunningham, US sitcom and film star Lamman Rucker, English model, socialite and aristocrat Lady Victoria Hervey are the other celebs on the guest list. Rumour has it that Kate Moss might attend, as also Roger Federer, Novak Djokovic and Rafael Nadal (who’re all in Abu Dhabi for the Mubadala World Championship from 29 to 31 December). Ahlanlive

It makes sense that the only place that would pay Lindsay her inflated appearance fee is some place in Dubai. The schmuck prince who paid for her will probably be kicking himself the next day when he finds half his diamond collection and Valtrex prescription missing.

I would like to start out by saying, “Bwahahahahaha.” According to “sources close to the actress” *coughDinacough*, Lindsay Lohan has gotten numerous offers to host various NYE parties but she’s turned them all down.

Lindsay is trying to shed her party girl image and she thinks not being part of the NYE madness is the first step. Instead, she plans to celebrate at home and have dinner with a few friends before the countdown.

This may be the 700th time Lindsay has said something like this. At this point she might as well claim to be a meat eating unicorn.