After Gwyneth Paltrow revealed that she refused to participate in any casting couch shenanigans thereby putting her career in jeopardy (not really), Lisa Rinna reveals her own casting couch experience which is part of her book, Starlit.

When Lisa was 24, “I lost a role on a BIG TV series because I wouldn’t bend over a chair in a producers office for ‘just a quickie,’” Lisa admits to me for the first time. “‘Just pull your panties down and bend over and the role is yours,’ he said to me.”

Years later during her stint on Melrose Place, she met the producer again and threatened him with exposure after he stopped her on the red carpet to congratulate her. “I know everyone in this town and if you ever do what you did to me again to anyone else I will tell everyone your dirty secret.”

That producer has probably been bending over wannabe actresses over his desk every week since then. It makes no sense why she doesn’t say who he is. That’s like escaping a rapist in your community and telling your neighbors about it but never telling them who it was. Thanks for the useless information which now has me living in constant fear.

Lisa Rinna showed up at Barnes & Nobel in NYC on Tuesday to promote her new book Starlit. She was also there with her new, non-hemorrhoid looking lips.

As previously reported, Lisa underwent surgery to reduce the silicone she had put in her lips 24 years ago. She now looks normal. Relatively. The only question that remains is what’s she going to do with all that leftover Preparation H?

Lisa Rinna’s lips have been injected with silicone since 1986. She’s looked ridiculous ever since. Like her face had been afflicted with a bad case of hemorrhoids. On August 26, she finally decided to reduce that labia on her face because “my lips started to define who I am. That bothered me.”

Although Lisa then turns around and says, “It doesn’t matter what other people think. I did it for myself.” Confusing because she just implied she did care what other people think. So which is it. Did you do it for yourself or are you another insecure D-lister? Ah, whatever. Who cares what this inflamed ass face says.

According to Lisa, the best part about the procedure is instead of felling “bumpy and uneven… my lip has no lumps! It’s smooth.” However, her lips are still swollen and will require six months to heal.

I have a serious question. If you kissed those hemorrhoids on her face, does that mean you did ATM?

The photo up top is her pre-surgery. I think.

Lisa Rinna was “so disturbed” by Heidi Montag 3.0′s PEOPLE magazine cover that she had to take off the cover before it came to the house.

I know what you’re thinking. That I’m talking about a different Lisa Rinna. One that revels in her natural beauty and has never even seen a plastic surgeon’s office. But, no. This is the exact Lisa Rinna you’re thinking of. The one who’s had Juvederm, Botox and pumped silicone in her lips making her look like a fish you pulled out of the water and debated over whether or not to throw it back in.

The irony here is she probably did it for her daughters. She and her husband don’t want their kids to develop any body image issues. She says, “Anything that has to do with weight issues, I think you have to be really careful.”

This is like Tiger Woods chastising his kids for having sex or Kirstie Alley telling you to slow down on the buffet and that she thinks “you may have had enough.”

[Sherman Oaks, February 12. Images via Fame.]

Lisa Rinna is old, yet, she still looks pretty good in a bikini. Save for a few shots where her stomach is pulling a Tara Reid, she’s passable. Personally, I wouldn’t hit it, but if you were to, I’d only make fun of you a little. Throw in a few jokes about putting your penis in a sand trap and asking whether she took out her dentures first. Not like if you slept with Madonna. If you did that, I’d put a caring hand on your shoulder, look deep into your eyes and say, “I’m sorry. How many months do you have left?” I might even shed a tear. This is before I shame you for the rest of your life.

What a coincidence! I’m doing the exact same thing.

Even though the regular flu has killed thousands since January, swine flu keeps on getting all the attention. What’s a virus gotta do to get some love around here? The regular flu must be pissed. Even semi-famous people are talking about it.

ET asked celebrities about the biggest letdown of the year and somehow Lisa Rinna manged to get her say in. Her whole family has had it except her, she claims.

“I believe we all, except for myself, had the swine flu at our house,” Lisa tells ET about her ill family. “How do you know it’s the swine flu? I don’t know but we had all the symptoms.”

“We had it before it came out. …We had it at our house, I believe, and everyone is fine,” the actress explained to ET at the LG Rumorous Night with Heidi Klum event on Tuesday.

That’s right. Lisa Rinna’s family had it first. There wasn’t even a name for it back then. They just called it “the flu”. All you other people are posers. Yea, I’m looking at you kid from Mexico. God, all this attention that kid is getting must be aggravating for Lisa Rinna. It’s like when that indie band you listened to blew up and then everyone liked them since, like, forever. Swine flu is Lisa Rinna’s Death Cab for Cutie.

Evidenced by these pictures, Lisa Rinna was in the original Melrose Place and would very much like to be in the remake. A remake that has cast Ashlee Simpson and Katie Cassidy as the main characters, but has already lost Heather Locklear due to her not being convinced writers could justify her character.

Anyway, this is pathetic. Lisa might as well have changed the wording on the sign to read, “My dignity, have you seen it?” and danced in front of an empty hat where passersby could donate their unwanted change.

God, what is up with these old and/or pregnant women in a bikini. Is it too much to ask for shots of a somewhat attractive celebrity. Say a Jessica Alba or more Katy Perry. I’d even settle for Avril Lavigne at this point. Ugh, how am I supposed to masturbate to this stuff?  I mean, I guess I can try, but I’ll tell you this. I won’t like it. Not one bit at all.

No one wants this, but it’s happening anyway. Lisa Rinna, 45, confirmed that she is posing for Playboy. Again. She told Extra, “I’m the worst liar on the planet, I can’t lie, so… I think that could be a yes.”

Yet more proof Playboy is about to fold. The magazine used to be something little kids found under their dad’s bed and whacked off to. Now it’s become this marvelous tool to help bulimics facilitate gagging. The last thing I want to do is check out a 45-year-old with duck lips naked. No matter how much airbrushing is involved. You could tell me they copy and pasted a naked Megan Fox over her and I’d still try to punch my fist through the entire magazine before you could even flip it open. I can’t take any chances.

Lisa Rinna has finally admitted to herself that in her quest to make her lips look like a giant labia, she might have gone overboard with the lip filler Juvederm.

“I saw a picture of myself and thought, ‘Uh-oh,’” admits Lisa, after getting too much Juvéderm. “You have to be careful. I’m a perfect example of that!” “There are many things you can do to make yourself look better.”

Like her fitness DVD coming out in December. And not injecting yourself with lip filler, having high self-esteem, not being an out of control narcissist. I hear all those work pretty well too.

Gosh, you don’t think this was an attempt at getting attention do you? I would lose any respect I had for Lisa Rinna if it was. Although, if I started out with zero respect, does it turn into negative respect? Can a person be negatively respected? I suppose I can try. Lisa Rinna, I negative respect you. Hey, it works.