http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzX6XXVEa4s&feature=player_embedded

Early last year Joaquin Phoenix began an illustrious rapping career and started acting like a crazy homeless person. That was all in the name of art as Casey Affleck was constantly following him around with a camera. Anyway, he disappeared for a while, cleaned himself up and now he’s doing a PSA with Liv Tyler and Miley Cyrus for To Write Love on Her Arms, a non-profit that helps people struggling with thoughts of suicide.

This promo would have been a lot better if Joaquin kept the beard and when Miley Cyrus tried to teach him how to vote, he just sat there staring at her, not making a sound. I don’t know how that would help the organization, but it would make for a hilarious video. Especially if at the end he just got up and smashed the laptop on the floor in frustration.

Every year Spike TV holds its annual Scream Awards to celebrate hot chicks in horror movies. At least I think that’s what it’s all about. Look, I just know that through all these pictures, I’ve only seen two guys, Anthony Hopkins and that guy from American Pie. Sure, I could have dug a little deeper and maybe checked around a few sites to see what it was actually all about, but that would have taken time away from me making out with this 8×11 black and white printout of Kate Beckinsale. A lot more photos after the jump.

Kate Beckinsale

Kristen Bell

Alex Vega

Amanda Righetti

AnnaLynne McCord

Carla Gugino

Jamie King

Liv Tyler

Milla Jovovich

Paz Vega

Rosario Dawson

Winona Ryder

Malin Ackerman

Julie Benz

Liv Tyler spent a day in Copenhagen last week sunbathing topless. No one got the money shot, but who cares? She hasn’t been hot since Empire Records and that was 13 years ago. And what’s with her acting? Speak up woman. The theater is blasting The Incredible Hulk at 100 decibels and all I can hear is a faint whisper. There were times during that movie I freaked out because I thought a mouse was on my shoulder trying to seduce me.

Liv Tyler was at a Caribbean beach last week. I’m not sure if she noticed, but the polka dots aren’t helping. Also, using brass rings to hold her bikini bottom together probably isn’t the best idea. That’s how my friend lost an eye.

Would it be impolite if I made a deep, throaty noise such that a humpback whale would make to illustrate Liv Tyler’s current predicament?

I’m posting the rest of Aaron’s SDCC collection because they’re just lying around. This is the Incredible Hulk panel where Edward Norton claimed to have written the script and Liv Tyler sat there looking confused (Incredible Hulk? What’s an Incredible Hulk?). More after the jump.

Liv Tyler was spotted kissing Kate Bosworth because that’s how people say “hello” in LA. It’s just good manners. Me? I like to personalize my greetings a little by screaming “I’m going to eat your face” while running at them with my mouth open and my tongue darting in and out. Incidentally, I’ve noticed a lot of people in LA are skittish and frankly, a little unfriendly.

Liv Tyler has been cast as Betty Ross, long time love interest of the Hulk. She is replacing Jennifer Connelly while Edward Norton is replacing Eric Bana as Bruce Banner. The film will follow an on the run Bruce Banner searching for a cure as he’s hunted down. To find the largest audience, producers want this one rated G so instead of smashing cars and villains, the Hulk will be smashing kittens. When asked about potential backlash from PETA, director Louis Leterrier explains, “The Hulk is huge. Kittens are like ants to him. Do you kill ants? I don’t see the problem. Before filming, we even double check to see that they’re strays. To fans, you’ll be happy to know we also check their squishability.”

Liv Tyler has been dieting her whole life. Now that she’s a mom, she’s not so focused on weight anymore. She tells Glamour,

“But once I gave birth, I didn’t want to think about myself or feel insecure about my career; I wanted to think about my child. So I stopped worrying about diets.”

Liv has even lost 10 pounds on the set of her new movie without even trying. She excitedly describes how she bought a red dress in a size 4 and that she’s never been a size 4 in her life.

Hey, you know what I say. Anything above a size 0 is for fatties. There’s nothing like the soft caress of rib cage when you’re being seduced by a woman. And when a girl is so skinny it looks like their legs are about to cave in? So hot.

Here’s Liv taking her son to the zoo. As expected, Ms. Piggy is scarfing down a burger in some of these pictures.

That huge pimple bump thing that was on Liv Tyler’s nose has been replaced by an unnoticeable bandaid. When I say unnoticeable, I mean it covers half her nose. A black guy at a clan meeting would be less conspicous than this. She might as well take a sharpie and draw arrows on her face pointing to it. At least then people can let out a chuckle rather than avoid having a conversation with her.

One of the joys of being a celebrity is people follow you everywhere to try and get the money shot. The one down side to that is if you have a pimple on your nose, someone is going to catch it with a 1000x zoom camera. You could choose to not go outside or try this new invention that will get your panties wet. I call it. Wait for it. Makeup. If you choose to forgo makeup, then try and balance it out by carrying a fat wad of cash out in the open while walking down the street like Liv Tyler. All people would then be thinking about is when you’re going to accidentally run into a flying brick. Click the banner for the full photo of that one.