Mandy Moore stars in Swinging with the Finkels which saw a limited release on August 26, 2011 even though it premiered at Cannes in 2010. I’m not exactly sure why it took so long to get distribution because it had all the makings of a good movie. Maybe. I don’t know. I actually haven’t watched it. All I know is it’s about a couple who decides to spice up their marriage by “swinging” and Mandy Moore sort of masturbates in one scene.

But I think we can all agree that in and of itself deserves to get this film a wide “release.” Ha, handjob pun. Anyone? Hello? Is this thing on?

Props to whoever cut the scene and got screens. You, sir, are a dedicated perv.

Khloe Kardashian better stock up on uncooked chicken and/or fish because judging by these pictures of Mandy Moore hitting up the ATM on Wednesday, food poisoning does wonders for your figure.

Moore was rumored to have suffered from fish food poisoning while she was in London promoting Tangled. The illness may explain why she’s so skinny. And sexy! Rawr. She should get food poisoning more often. Wait. That came out wrong. Mm, no. Never mind. It didn’t.

Oh, I’m sorry. I believe the correct term here is “curves. ” Mandy Moore loves her “curves.” She tells PEOPLE she’s fine with not fitting into any type of mold and she’s glad to know that there are other women out there who are beautiful and don’t weigh “a pound”.

At 5’10”, Moore works out, but doesn’t focus too much on dieting. Which may explain why she’s a little fatter now.

“If I really want something, I don’t feel like it’s worth it to deprive myself,” says Moore, whose weaknesses include french fries, cookies, and pretty much anything containing peanut butter. “I’ve never said, ‘I want to look like this’ or ‘I want to look like that’ or ‘I’m not good enough.’ … To me it’s about feeling good, feeling healthy.”

“[As a star] you have professionals who make you look a certain way … I can’t roll out of bed and look that way,” says Moore. “I’m very comfortable with the way that I look, but it’s not fair for women to use someone or something as a bar. It’s not reality, for anyone. I am happy to be myself and represent something different for women.”

Whoa. Wait a second. No woman listen to that “be yourself” hippie bullshit Mandy Moore is spouting. It’s Megan Fox or bust from here on in. Or a busty Megan Fox. That’s what people should strive for. Skinny with a nice rack, pouty lips and piercing eyes. This “can’t roll out of bed and look that way” way of thinking is straight out of the communist manifesto. You’re not a commie, are you?

Soon after Mandy Moore got engaged to Ryan Adams, former boyfriend Andy Roddick followed suit with his current girlfriend, now wife, Brooklyn Decker. However, friends say Roddick is still obsessed with Mandy Moore and reads every magazine that features even the tiniest bit of news about Moore.

‘It’s really weird that he still is so into her,” said a longtime associate.

As for Decker, she’s none too pleased about it and has told friends she’s unhappy about Roddick’s fascination with his ex-galpal and her new husband, and thinks ”it’s sick.”

If buying any and every magazine that features your celebrity crush and then cutting out their faces to paste on your Beanie Babies which you then drape over your nude body while you sleep is “sick,” then I don’t want to be well.

Still, Brooklyn Decker (below) is ten times hotter than Mandy Moore. I don’t see why Andy Roddick would still be obsessed over her. That’s like owning a Bentley and pining for that Toyota Corolla that slipped through your fingers eight years ago before you were rich.

After almost a month engagement, Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams have married in Savannah, Georgia. They confirmed their engagement to Us and Ok and anyone that would listen. Congratulations, you two crazy kids. May you have many children and keep the long standing tradition of retarded celebrity baby names alive. May I suggest a chemical formula like NaCl?

Having dated briefly in 2007, Mandy Moore and Adam “DJ AM” Goldstein are back together. Ever since the plane crash that sent Adam to the hospital with burns all over his body, they’ve reconnected and Mandy has been giving Adam pity sex.

“Mandy said, ‘I like this guy a lot and I want to see where it can go again. Life is too short to not be with someone you really care about.’”

A witness saw Mandy and AM rubbing each other’s backs. Probably because that’s the only place which didn’t get burned. So take it from Adam Goldstein. If you want a girl who’s way out of your league to have sex with you, set yourself on fire and tell her you were in a big accident. She’ll feel sorry for you and will let you try anal or at least give you a handjob.

Ryan Adams was seen groping Mandy Moore’s boobs in a comic book store the other day. In other news, fuck you Ryan Adams, that was my fantasy.

After leaving her husband, Mandy Moore’s mom, Stacy, started dating a woman and has now moved in with her. Entertainment Wise writes,

The other woman in question is tennis professional Claudette Laliberte. The publication also alleges that the ladies have set up a home together.

When asked about her same sex relationship with Laliberte, Stacy told the Enquirer: “It’s nobody’s business why we’re together.”

Forget about Stacy. They’re ignoring something much more important and pressing. Does this make Mandy Moore a little curious? Do you think I can convince her to have a threesome with me? I mean, it’s not like full blown lesbianism. She’s just sort of trying it out. Like when I eat a handful of Jellybeans at the grocery store. It’s merely to check that it’s a good batch before I decide not to buy any.

I was going to put Mandy Moore is cleavage-y, but she isn’t. She just has a low cut dress and she’s clutching an old dude under her armpit. Which is sexy. Because armpits are sexy. Other things that are sexy: Old horny gray-haired men, necklaces, smiles and ice cream. These pictures have all but one of those things. I bet you’ll never guess which.

Mandy Moore and Matthew Perry were spotted out on an apparent date at Amici Trattoria in Beverly Hills.

“He was already seated and waited for her for 15 minutes until she arrived. He stood up to greet her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. They were holding hands across the table and being really close and laughing a lot the whole time.”

Matthew is is 38. Mandy is 27. An age difference of 11 years. Not that big of a deal now, but if you think about it, Mandy was still drooling in her highchair when Matthew first discovered the pleasures of shoving AA batteries into his pee-hole. Guys do that when they hit puberty, right? No? Great, I knew I should have gone with “masturbating”. Now I look like a weirdo.

11-year-spread [Page Six]

Update: Mandy Moore is actually 23 thanks to NOone in the comments. I thought she was younger than 27. This just makes it creepier.

Mandy Moore showed up at the premiere of Dedication looking like a real vampire. Because vampires can’t see themselves in mirrors and obviously Mandy Moore couldn’t see herself in one either. If she could, she would have given her sadistic friend a beating for letting her go out like this. This doesn’t even look like Mandy Moore. Did she ever have this huge of a chin?

Seduction 101. Brought to you by Andy Roddick and Mandy Moore. Andy Roddick, I salute you and your wandering hand. Really old (a year or so), but it’s a Friday. Yay!

Mandy Moore went to Mexico in her bikini and boy was she sexy. Almost as sexy as Britney Spears. They say there’s this pressure in Hollywood to be thin. Apparently, Mandy Moore isn’t feeling it. I mean, if you really wanted to have sex with her, you’d only have to leave a trail of M&M’s to your bed and cover your penis in whip cream.