In what amounts to a sad pissing contest, Marc Anthony posted a photo on Facebook of himself making kissy faces with 24-year-old Venezuelan Model Shannon de Lima. No doubt in response to Jennifer Lopez’s current traipsing around the world with her 24-year-old backup dancer Casper Smart on her arm.

The winner here is definitely Marc Anthony. 24-year-old Venezuelan model vs 24-year-old backup dancer? No contest. That’s like comparing Jessica Alba to Jamie Kennedy or a molten lava cake to a Wurther’s originals. Though the ultimate winner here is Shanne de Lima because now I want to see her naked and, if I do say so myself, that’s a very esteemed honor.

Someone better talk to Jennifer Lopez’s new boyfriend Casper Smart, who she was grinding on and kissing at an AMAs after-party, because a source tells Us Weekly that Jennifer hooked up with Marc Anthony while filming their talent competition Q’Viva! The Chosen in Puerto Rico on November 8 and may very well hook-up with him again in December.

Marc was seen picking up Jennifer at the airport and “Marc never stayed in his hotel room.” A friend says about the hook-ups, “It’s inevitable. March has this hold over her.” But another friend says, “They may sleep together, but they’re over!”

I’d like to think I have a hold over women too but I think that may just be the handcuffs.

Jada Pinkett Smith and Marc Anthony are going to have a lot more time to spend together watching DVDs because TNT has just canceled HawthoRNe after three seasons.

“TNT truly appreciates the tremendous dedication of everyone involved,” the network said in a statement. “The series gave TNT the opportunity to work with many outstanding people, including Jada Pinkett Smith and the rest of the show’s talented cast, crew, producers and writers. We wish everyone involved with HawthoRNe nothing but the best.” — EW

Somewhere Will Smith and Jennifer Lopez are cackling maniacally. But the more importantly, who cares? Did anyone watch this show? Or any TNT show for that matter? Rizzoli & Isles is apparently their number one show and is the number one or top 5 dramas on cable. Yet, here I am hearing about it for the first time. The only time I hear about TNT is when I’m at the movie theater laughing at the commercials for their cheesy dramas. Play the damn movie already.

Marc Anthony’s on screen and possibly off screen chemistry with HawthoRNe co-star Jada Pinkett Smith may have been the reason behind his split from Jennifer Lopez.

“[Marc] and Jada got extremely close on the set of HawthoRNe,” an insider told Life & Style. “He said Jada was so sexy because she was in great shape and had this tough attitude, which he loves. And she loved his style — his acting, his mojo. She even brought Marc back as a series regular and made him the show’s music producer. Jennifer couldn’t have liked that.”

“It’s hard for some people to see how Marc would leave behind a gorgeous woman like Jennifer, but the truth is she’s driven. It’s always about her, her career, her image, her needs. Jada gave Marc attention,” the insider added. — Hollywood Life

If Marc ever trolls gossip sites, he’d have rolled his eyes when he read “gorgeous woman like Jennifer.” In fact, he would have gone so far as to chortle and make a dismissive wanking motion.

In Touch now claims a suspicious Will Smith paid Jada Pinkett a surprise visit and found her and Hawthorneco-star Marc Anthony “watching a DVD.” I think that’s code for having sex. Will left the house crying. In Touch says Will and Jada have been living separately for months.

This guy is supposed to be a big action star? Arnold Schwarzenegger wouldn’t have stood for this. He would have banged the first housekeeper he saw.

Reps for Will and Jada said Tuesday Jada had not been unfaithful to Will, specifically mentioning Marc Anthony in the denial. A source close to the couple tells TMZ … Marc was at Jada’s home, but in April not August, when he went over to look at a DVD. — TMZ

At this rate, I might as well turn this place into a Will Smith fan site. Stay tuned for my next piece titled “What Will Ate For Breakfast This Morning and How It Affected His Bowel Movement.” The answer may shock you!

I completely forgot Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony had twins. Maybe their magazine cover shoot wasn’t grandiose enough. I don’t know. Regardless, Lopez is seeking full custody of 3-year-old twins Max and Emme. Why? Beats me. The cynic would say maybe J.Lo just wants to start a bitter custody battle to get her name in the press.

“They are always with their mom,” a source tells Us Weekly (via Holly Baby). “Jennifer lights up around her kids. She’s incredible, balancing work and being a good mom.”

Said by Marc Anthony in a completely monotone sarcastic voice, “Oh. No. Please. Not the babies. Anything but the babies.” *Yawns* *Scratches crotch* *Turns on ESPN*

After 7 years of marriage, Marc Athony and Jennifer Lopez abruptly announced their divorce last Friday. Everyone was left wondering why. Dear God, why?!?!111 They seemed like the perfect unbearable couple. Well, according to Us, it all began when Marc Anthony banged a stewardess in 2009 on a private plane.

“Marc and Jennifer almost split up over it,” the source tells Us of the couple, parents to 3-year-old twins Emme and Max. Seconds another insider: “Jennifer was going to leave him then, but Marc begged her to stay. They went to marriage counseling and she decided to give it another shot. He was someone she truly loved.”

Apparently that wasn’t enough because Marc’s raging… jealousy over Lopez’s career continued to drive a wedge between them. Marc even tried controlling how Jennifer dressed and her business endeavors. Don’t even mention his paranoia about her and other men. All this proved to be too much and led to the dissolution of their marriage.

Figures. Jennifer Lopez is so damn annoying. I’m not surprised Marc cheated on J.Lo. I imagine anyone not named Jennifer Lopez would have been a significant improvement for him.

Jennifer Lopez is insufferable and Marc Anthony is whiny and humorless so you’d think this would have been a marriage made in heaven. But, as PEOPLE reports, it was not to be. The two are calling it quits.

“We have decided to end our marriage,” they tell PEOPLE exclusively in a joint statement. “This was a very difficult decision. We have come to an amicable conclusion on all matters.”

“It is a painful time for all involved,” the statement continues, “and we appreciate the respect of our privacy at this time.”

It’s impressive that these two lasted as long as they did. You’d think they would have gotten on each others nerves much sooner. Now they’re back in the dating game. Which is going to be hard. Especially since on their eHarmony profile they list “scowling” and “being difficult” under Interests.

Jessica Alba, Cash Warren, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony all attended the Costume Institute Gala celebrating Alexander McQueen in New York last night. Jennifer Lopez showed up with her serious face. She looked like someone called her fat 5 minutes before. Lopez wore a red number that made her look like a hellish version of the Ice Queen. Then later when her husband Marc Anthony went to greet Jessica Alba, Jessica recoiled in fear. These two sound delightful!

The only thing I have to say is, at least Jennifer Lopez was wearing underwear. That way we don’t have to listen to her vagina bitch us out. You know if that thing wasn’t covered, it’d be yelling in a Latina accent, “Watchu starin’ at, huh? Take a picher. It’ll las longer.” Then it’d snap its finger in the air and act like you just got served.

It was Jennifer Lopez’s birthday last week and Marc Anthony surprised her with a birthday party and she let him touch her boob. Lopez is well known for being a bitch so this must have been a huge concession. A handjob for Marc Anthony means sitting on his hand until it gets numb and then masturbating. Maybe next year J.Lo will let him get to third base. One can only dream.

Physically abusive! Hey-oooo! Star Magazine’s Jan. 26th issue says that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony’s fights have escalated past the normal screaming and shouting. It’s gotten violent. Lopez even one time threatened to sit on Marc’s face and not get off. Okay, I made that up.

“They love hard; they fight hard — and sometimes that has led to pushing and shoving,” reveals an insider close to Marc. “They throw things and scream and just go bananas. It’s been war in their house!” And while Jennifer is known to let loose on him, another source says Marc “can be really mean. He’s a macho guy with a horrible temper and can say awful things.”

What triggers these blowups? A number of things — from various women calling their home to speak with Marc to his comments about Jennifer’s “chubby” post-baby body. And it’s not all him, another source insists the physicality of their relationship is just Jen’s way of getting her husband to pay attention to her.

Ha. Marc calls Jennifer a fatty too. I wonder if he reads blogs to get more ideas. I bet whenever Jennifer gets out of the tub, Marc screams, “Starboard ho,” and throws sharpened pencils at her ass to mimic harpooning a whale. And if he doesn’t, Marc can use that idea for free.

In an attempt to quell those divorce rumors and maybe make it more shocking when they announce their split via duet after Valentine’s day, Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez have been on vacation in Puerto Rico since after Christmas. Sources say that they’re even thinking about purchasing property at Trump’s International Golf Club Puerto Rico and that they had a “cozy dinner together at Marmalade restaurant in Old San Juan.” Their reps say they’re “great.” Maybe too great.

PEOPLE says “they’ve been having problems” which is normal when two people are raising 10-month-old twins together. “The marriage is experiencing frustrations because of the added stress of the twins,” says another source familiar with the situation, “but they will work things out. They love each other, and that will dictate what happens. I don’t think divorce is in the picture.”

Can two people possibly be any more annoying? According to Lopez and Anthony, yes, in fact, they can. Expect a lot of stories before Valentine’s day that paints a happy picture of the couple. A few magazines might even draw little cartoon hearts and blue jays circling around their heads. Then, bam. Jennifer and Marc split up by singing to each other. Wow. We never saw that coming. You set us up pretty good there Marc and Jennifer. I presume congratulations are in order. Here, have this. It’s my fist in your face.

Then again, I could be all wrong about this, but I’d still like them to have my present.