Mena Suvari is divorcing Simone Sestito which means we get to listen to Simone’s excuses as to why he should get the $17,000/month in spousal support he’s asking for.

In recently filed court docs, Sestito says he has “negative balances” on all his personal and business accounts and has to pay his bills with credit cards and loans from his parents. I fail to see how his terrible money management skill is Mena Suvari’s problem, but do go on.

Sestito claims he’s now used to eating out “almost everyday at high end restaurants” making his monthly food expenses $3,000/month. Which makes perfect sense because that $30 burger tastes way different than the $8 one. The ground baby panda bones give it a sort of kick.

Suvari’s ex wants $17,151/month in spousal support and $10k to pay off his attorney. Which means he wants Mena to pay for his lawyer who’s trying to squeeze money out of her. While he’s at it, why not ask Mena to punch herself in the face too.

Mena’s lawyer, Mark Gross, laughed for 10 minutes and told TMZ, “it is unfortunate that Simone has chosen the spotlight of litigation over the privacy of mediation.”

32-year-old Mena Suvari has filed for divorce from her 25-year-old concert promoter husband Simone Sestito. The two married back in 2010 in a private church in the Vatican after she got a big, classy gang-style 13 inked in the middle of her chest.

The split is being blamed on the usual “irreconcilable differences” and Mena is asking the judge to prevent Simone from getting spousal support and to change her name back to Mena Suvari instead of Mena Suvar-Sestito.

No word on whether or not she’ll be divorcing her tattoos as well but she should because they’re dumb as hell.

The Hollywood Reporter released salaries of all the actors in the American Pie Reunion movie. They say the studio wanted to meet two requirements. Reunite the entire cast and not go over $55 million. Oh and see how little they could pay Tara Reid. Bwahaha.

Naturally, the two integral characters played by Jason Biggs and Seann William Scott, are getting the biggest piece of the… pie. Damnit, puns. The two also negotiated a small slice (arrrgh) of the first dollar gross. Alsyon Hannigan, who doesn’t really need this as she’s in her 7th season of How I Met Your Mother, is getting a nice chunk of change as well. Tara Reid on the other hand. Let’s just say she won’t have to scrounge for food in dumpsters for the rest of the year. No word on what the pie from the first movie is getting or if it’s even coming back.

According to sources, Universal is paying Jason Biggs and Seann William Scott a robust $5 million each, plus a small slice of first-dollar gross, to reprise their roles.

Alyson Hannigan, star of CBS’ How I Met Your Mother, is getting about $3 million. And veteran Eugene Levy, who starred in four profitable direct-to-DVD Pie films that helped make the property a billion-dollar franchise, is said to have received a payday also in the $3 million range.

The rest of the cast — which includes Chris Klein, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Natasha Lyonne, Jennifer Coolidge, Mena Suvari and Shannon Elizabeth — is being paid far less, say sources, most in the $500,000 to $750,000 range (though bonuses for some could kick in if the film is a hit, as expected).

Rounding out the list is Tara Reid, who is said to have joined Reunion for close to the $250,000 that Universal initially offered. A studio rep calls the figures “inaccurate” but declines further comment. The Hollywood Reporter

They’re right. That figure for Tara Reid sounds entirely inaccurate. I’m told the studio originally wanted to pay Tara $500,000 but being the master negotiator that she is, she got them down to $200, a cameo on Jersey Shore and three rounds of liposuction.

Mena Suvari and her boyfriend Simone Sestito hit up the Christian Siriano fashion show in NYC, NY on February 12, a day before her birthday. What the hell happened? She used to be kind of cute. Now her small head creeps me out and she’s covered in retarded tattoos. I don’t know which one is worse: That lion on her neck, the “Word, Sound, Power” right below it or the “13″ right in the middle of her chest. It’s like she asked the tattoo artist where the worst place to ink herself was and then she told him, “okay, put them there.”

[NYC, February 12. Images via Fame.]

Mena Suvari showed up at the Palazzo in a bikini and she’s got a nice body, although, I can’t get past that god awful tattoo right in the middle of her chest where her cleavage would be if she had tits. I think it’s a “13″ but from far away it looks like a flaming turd. Was that what she was going for ? An optical illusion? Because, bravo, she’s done it.

Still, why would someone get a tattoo there. More importantly, why would it be of the day I was born. I’m flattered, but couldn’t she have gotten it on her lower back like everyone else?

Mena Suvari. Remember her? She looked like she was rising to the top of Hollywood after releasing American Pie and American Beauty in the same year. Then she did movies like American Pie 2 and Beauty Shop which effectively ended that dream. Now she makes an appearance in what seems like once a year to show people she’s still alive. Although, she doesn’t look too happy doing it. Her hands are balled up in a fist and she looks like she’s going to punch something. Probably her stuffed animals when she gets home like I do. Sorry, but I just get so mad sometimes.

Uh, what happened to Mena Suvari? Did someone punch her in the head making her hair swell up like that? Because that’s not cool. Violence against women is wrong.

This PSA sponsored by NBC. The more you know.

Mena Suvari hit Miami beach over the weekend. She graced us with a bikini and her crazy chest tattoo. I hear that’s the source of her superpowers. What they may be, I have no idea. It’s rumored she’s able to stand around in a swimsuit looking oblivious and… OH MY GOD, SHE’S DOING IT! LOOK AT HER GO!

Mena Suvari was spotted running from her career in a skull bikini top with one pant leg up wearing insect sunglasses in Malibu. I swear. This chick is trying her hardest to look ugly. If I didn’t know who this was, I’d be thinking, “Aw, how sweet, a retard buying her own food.” Not retarded in the “that’s stupid” sense, but retarded in the “she’ll put out for a packet of Sweet ‘n Low” sense. You know, retarded retarded.

Mena Suvari was at Malibu beach in a bikini, sporting her shaved head. It almost looks like a fuzzy peach, but fuzzy peaches aren’t hot. Cancer patients undergoing radiation therapy are though. Maybe I can imagine her as one of them. Sure, why not? Ok Mena, I give you permission to have sex with me now.

Images removed by request :( Here’s a drawing instead.

No one knows for sure why Mena Suvari shaved her head, but everyone knows it was a dumb thing to do. I’ve not met one girl who shaved her head and looked hot after. Then again, I don’t meet a lot of women. Nope, it’s just me and this mop with a wig. People always stare when I take Moppy to bars. Probably because I’m gonna get laid and they’re not. Jealousy is so ugly.

Mena Suvari hit the beach wearing one of those wacky bikinis. By her side was Frankenstein. Makes sense that she has to build her own boyfriend since the last thing I remember her in was American Pie and American Beauty. A cat stranded on a telephone pole would have a longer career than Mena.

Mena who? Is she a famous celebrity or something? She was in American Beauty you say? Well dip me in caramel and shove a stick up my ass. No really, I have weird fetishes.

2007 is proving to be a great year. It’s only January and already celebrities and quasi-celebrities have done away with the restrictive bras and panties. This time it’s Mena Suvari on a beach. I think she’s either changing bras or handing out free erections. I didn’t get the memo. What I do know is that the latest credit this girl has on IMDB is a voice over for the Final Fantasy video game. Man, just like the Jeffersons, this girl is moving on up. By the way, if you’re kind of slow, these are NSFW.